We leave again on new year's day

Well, it's new year's eve and i am so tired i'm not sure i'll make it to midnight. We have been so busy these past few days that all i want to do right now is cry. i am so tired, my body is aching and i'm not looking forward to flying tomorrow. our flights will take us about 18 hrs to get there, we will arrive into Casa...anyways, please please pray for me to feel well while traveling, that being pregnant doesn't take all the energy out of me, and pray too that i just take care of myself and of the baby. That i have wisdom in my decisions and all of that. I know God will take care of us, he always has. I don't think i'll be able to blog for the next month, but hopefully after that i can update everyone from scotland. i'm going to bed now. Happy new year. This year will definitely hold lots of 'new' things,....and for our family a new baby. That is definitely something to be grateful for. We are very blessed. And our parents have been so supportive and happy for us in all oft his. It's been great so far (except being sick) anyways..love you all and i will miss you...goodbye for now.

positive is for Pregnant

Well, we are going to have a baby! Me and mike just found out that I'm pregnant! The baby is Due August 2006. So , we've been even busier these last few days, today went to see a midwife and a travel clinic about being pregnant in morocco. It's all quite exciting, it's definitely a surprise but a very good one! We are very excited to be parents, although it is a bit scary. Anyways, that's is our good news we want to share with all of you!! i know it's kind of a shock...it's still weird to say, we're having a baby..but we are!!!

in Vancouver for 3 days

hey we're back in Vancouver. We arrived very late Tuesday night and we have about three more days before we head off on outreach. Our Vaccation was awesome, beautiful beaches, clear water, tropical fish to swim with, we didn't have to pay for a thing......i'll post pitures when we put then on the computer. It was beautiful!
And now we're here and we trying to pack up all of our things to move out before we leave, pack for outreach, we have to go get a few things, have some appointments and stuff...so we're a bit busy over these three days, while still trying to get some rest before we jump into outreach in Morocco. That's all for now just wanted to let you know we're home and that we had a great time. Although i really did miss my parents on Christmas. Thre is always something about family, you know, but i talked to them all yesterday and it was fun. Well i Love you all! i'll keep you updated these next few days...

We're off!!!

Well, here we go. Tomorrow we leave for the Turks and Caicos Islands ( next to the Bahamas) nice huh?? For those of you who don't know or don't remember we are going to be spending Christmas with Mike's dad and his wife Jo on the islands of Turks and Caicos..and we are looking forward to it! We are looking forward to relaxing, we have about 10 books between the two of us, we are going to get a tan, we are going to relax as much as possible. And be warm in the sun, it's going to be beautiful! Don't know if i'll have time or be able to Blog or if i'll even care..:) So, i'l update you when we get back, show you some pictures of us on those lovely beaches!! But I will miss my family on Christmas day, even though i was home and had Christmas with them, it of course isn't 'exactly' the same and i will miss you mom and dad and andy! Mom, think of me and know that i had such a great time with you last week. You really are one of my best friends! i love you!
And merry Christmas to everyone, especially those i won't see for so long....and I'll be back in Vancouver on Dec 27th so for those that are around, i would like to SEE You before we leave for outreach on january 1st. Merry Christmas!!!

all kinds of craziness

Well......just to give an update since i haen't been on here in awhile. We flew back from Wisconsin on sunday night and arrived back to vancouver to our very cold apartment and slept really well..:) Then monday we have had Outreach meetings and Monday Night we had our captivating Christmas party!! And it was soo fun, i've been looking forward to that party for so long and it was so nice to be with my friends again, to laugh to eat yummy food and enjoy ourselves. i felt really like we were just celebrating ...and it was amazing. We shared with each other about where we are at and we ate some more! Definitely worth all the excitement..:)
And now it's tuesday and we have even more meetings....soo many meetings all about outreach, trying to be with our team some and get to know them, and meetings like crazy..for today and tomorrow...and then we leave. i'm teeling ya it's busy but after all this it's going to feel even better to go to that island somewhere and RELAX........so yeah, that' s me and what we've been up to....the pic is me and mike at home in wisconsin playing with our camera....

blessings all around

hello! well, it's funny, Since being home i don't have that much to say, days go by quickly and the nights are spent being lazy by the tv, or the fireplace, and of course eating lovely home-made meals with my mom..it's been very nice. Tonight we rented two movies, a guy movie for mike and a girly movie for me and my mom, we're going to pretend it's our Christmas Eve and have appetizers like we usually do, then watch movies and eat yummy desserts. i'm going to wrap presents tonight and just relax. my dad gets home tomorrow so we'll have dinner tomorrow and give each other our gifts. good times. Last night we went to a home fellowship with a couple from my church Karen and Stuart Johnson and it was so great, we were encouraged so much by people who are much older than us, all in their 40's 50's and 60's. So, that was really amazing. To be part of a group that wants to hear your opinion on things as well and wants to know what you think of things...it's been definitely the right time to be home. We have been very blessed. i' thought i'd give you some more pic's of us....

pieces of home

well this won't be long...it's still been so good being home. yesterday i was spoiled, my mom took me shopping and for dinner..we really did shop for hours and hours..and then came home and crashed. anyways i'ts been great! todays' agenda is to do nothing then go to a church fellowship tonight at our friends house...so i'm looking forward to that! but i just thought since i'm home i'd just show you some pictures of me and mike when we were little.......just for fun.
that's me and my mom and mike and his sister lisa....

beautyqueen - masterpiece

well....being home has been good so far. today we slept in and that's the first in a long time...soo great!!! woke up, went to the fireplace and grabbed a cup of coffee...
yesterday was great, me and mike were able to share at my church what we've been up to lately and about our outreach we're going on soon. Also, in the evening there was a women's christmas tea. It was called a Christmas of Blessings, and it was. There was so much lovely food, desserts, coffee, apple cider, the church was decorated so beautifully....and i enjoyed being with my church family again as well. But at the end they had asked if i would sing a song...so yesterday i was trying to think of which song to sing, and one came to mind that wasn't christmas-ey but it was fitting for women i think. in our captivating group in vancouver we have talked about how women are mean to be peaceful, full of quiet strength that exudes from them, not in controlling busyness, and so this song that i wrote for a friend awhile ago seemed fitting...so i sang it and i'm always amazed because music really does stir something in us and it wasn't me, it was God, He moved through the song and touched people's hearts, one lady came up to me because she said she was 'undone' she was crying through the whole song...and so praise God!! He uses music and so i just wanted so share the words of this song with all of you.....(and its one of my only songs i've recorded on my own because it was for my Lovely friend Franziska she was in Norway and there was a recording studio, so i recorded it for her) She is lovely and i miss her dearly!!!!!
if you read this at all Franziska, know you are still dear to my heart and this song is still for you! The picture is me and her in norway.

Swirling, the chaos growing
But i'm standing still
I can see life moving at me,
But will it pass me by
Colors dancing around my being
But i feel as if i'm gray
All i really long for now
Is to truly live

All i want is to see
That beauty really lies in me
And the world with all it's colors
Is where I want to live

All i want is to see
That beauty really lies in me
And the world with all it's colors
Is where I want to live

The paintings, the music, the laughter
I want to soak them in
To live and breathe each day as if it is my last
I want to look back on life
and know that it was more
To know that my Life was part
of a Masterpiece

All i want is to see
That beauty really lies in me
And the world with all it's colors
Is where I want to live

You are a masterpiece
more beautiful than you know

Home in Wisconsin

well.....after a very long day of traveling yesterday we made it!! And on the way, we got to see some friends....yesterday we left vancouver early in the morning, arrived at our friend Kelsey's at 10am....had coffee with her, then off to the airport, where we got on our 3 hr flight into mineapolis, and then our friend Bridget picked us up and we went for dinner with her and my brother Andy.....and then made the 3 1/2 hr drive home!! So it was a long day, but at least we got to spend some time with people we love and haven't seen in awhile.
And now we are home...and it's sooo great to be home!! There is a christmas tree all decorated and the house is so cozy with the fireplace.....and woke up this morning to my dad making us a yummy greasy breakfast. Spent the day relaxing, took a trip to Wal-mart and tonight we are going to have dinner together and then play games or something. It definetely feels like Christmas, and it is soooo cold outside, so it's definitely Wisconsin. I love being home with my family.......and i love christmas in wisconsin.

prayer station

hey guys.....just a quick update than off to bed. Today we did prayer station and i was so nervous, even though i have done it a few times now, enough to know what i'm doign anyways. So, we did it and it was good. We didn't have tons of people wanting prayer, as it was cold and rainy/snowy outside. But our team that went out today felt like we're just being consistent, we will go out no matter what.....and just be a presence in that neighborhood....and i just hope that one day that will be a place where people feel safe, not like they are going to be mugged by the drug dealers..:)
anyways, then we had staff meeting and that was good...it was good to hear stories of what God is doing and to see that we as a ywam base seem to be on the same page about alot of things....

then tonight, i had coffee with Rita and it was sooooo good. I just thank God for her, i feel like i can trust her and that talking comes so easy when I'm with her. So that was my day and my night......now off to bed.

i miss traveling.

just a few pictures from places i've been......i'm looking forward to traveling again.

tribute to Mike.

well, i just want to say a few things about mike. he is amazing me more and more. Lately there have been some great opportunities that him and craig have had to really talk with people about God. Or to learn more about other faiths, I respect them both so much for their faithfulness to go where God calls them, to be bold in their faith, to stand on the streets and pray for people, to meet people where they are at without compromising their faith at all. They are both bold men of God.

Mike is a great leader, He is asking God to make him whole, to help him to be a better man and a better leader. I have fun with him, he makes me laugh and he is definitely my best friend. And i just wanted this blog to be for him. For him to know and for others to know how much i love and respect him! He is being obedient to the things God has shown him to do and because of that I think God will trust him with more i love you!!!

over the rhine

well..i don't have much to say about today..i slept in...cleaned a bit, got read, had a meeting over coffee with jen and josh to talk about the coffee shop..so it's good, i'm making moves towards the coffee shop now..more than i have in awhile. I'm getting excited about it..then i came home and cleaned some more....made dinner....and then tonight Pam and Henri came for dinner and it was fun..we had indian food that i made and then sat around for awhile chatting......good stuff..and now i'm waiting for mike to come home from his night hoops thing again. So, i've got a movie on in the back ground while i'm on the computer. Tomorrow we are going to church and i'm looking forward to it, but i'm also looking forward to lazy sunday afternoon, i'm tired..i'm looking forward to going home for 'christmas' with my parents.....anyways, i have nothing deep and meaningful to share right now..but i was thinking about over the rhine.
they really are my favorite band. i think you should all go check out their website and listen to a song..
listen to...the first song and the last song.....ok?? go to the over the rhine link on my blog and click play or on the over the rhine radio..ok?? then you can share my love of over the rhine.
love you all.
goodnight.

me and life

it's almost 1am and i'm sitting here with my husband. He's playing guitar ( i hope the guy upstairs doesn't mind) i just spent the evening with jamie and we sat on the couch and talked for hours and didn't even realize it was soo late....and now i'm writing on my blog. It's been a good day. Lots of different things and lots of unrelated things. But all in all today was a whole was good. I feel encouraged too because mike just got home from this night basketball team he is helping a friend with and he was telling me what happened tonight and God is obviously at work. I feel as if God has opened up connections for mike to meet people in this city and that encourages me that God is at work in this city. And i feel as if God is making more and more clear to me the things He has called me too...I feel like I am realizing more and more that God actually longs for us to live our giftings...for us to live out of the personality He has given us, to live the dreams He has given us and to live operating in the gifts He has given us...So, like i said earlier this week, i really want to have a coffee shop that is like a 'home' because i love having people over, i love making meals and offering coffee and being a place where people can feel like they have a home.
And i also feel lately like what i long to do is help people to operate out of their true selves. to WAKE UP to Life and really live......whatever that means, to live and love God with their whole hearts, minds, spirits and bodies. Thank you all for the encouragement you gave me when i asked about my strengths I appreciate it very much, because I think i needed to hear from other people what they see in me because sometimes i'm afraid that i just think there are things God has put in me, and it's nice to hear from other people that they see some of them too.....so i wanted to Thank all of You. Because I feel God has been showing me through Himself, and through Others that I really do long to be a voice God can use to WAKE people up to REAL LIFE.

crazies and thanksgiving.

well today is thanksgiving, but in Canada it is not..so today we still met as an outreach team and today was quite the day. We knew we were going out today to meet people, give out free bread and offer free prayer to people. So we spent quite awhile praying for each other and praying for the day..and then we headed out onto the streets....and ...well, it's just so hard to explain in a blog. We were in pairs, me and jamie were going up and down Commercial Dr with the intention of giving away free bread and seeing if we could talk to anyone..and we ended up talking to this one guy for a long time..he told us he was 'the devil's son' ......we talked with him for a long time..and then we went back to the park for safety...and joined the other groups there and all of our groups had crazy stories, i can't even explain, but near the ened we knew we had to get off the streets, we had to go back and pray and 'debrief' the day. It was encouraging in a way because it seemed that someone did not want us out there and it was intense. So it was a pretty cool day. And then we came home, made our yummy foods and had thanksgiving dinner....i feel like even if you don't 'gorge' on thanksgiving you always end up feeling stuffed for hours, it must be all teh wrong foods to eat...you know..but they all taste so good and for dessert tonight me and Audrey brought a Maple Pumpkin Cheesecake..and it was sooooo good!!!! well, i'm thankful for my family, my dear friends...my husband, i grow to love him more and more. And for God who sustains me and gives me life.


p.s. that picture of me is in turkey but i thought it appropriate since i feel like i ate soo much today!

coffee coffee chai chai

that's what people chanted in India when you were on the trains, or watching the sunrise..or any crowded area...which is lots of places in India.
Anyways, today was all about the coffee shop......
we prayed, talked, asked God about the coffee shop, especially since it has been something i have wanted to do for so long..and really i need to just go for it. So today was so encouraging for me. I felt encouraged by my friends who were praying with me and excited for the vision as well. And i felt encouraged by God to keep going and there was a challenge as well to be faithful with the dreams He has given me. So all in all, good things are happening.
I feel like i want it to be like coming home for people, for them to walk in and know they are welcome, they will be known and they can get some really great coffee as well. Exciting stuff.....So here is what i made....it will be home. i want a fireplace, bookshelves, a long bar where people can sit and talk to me, of course yummy food, excellent coffee and me! what more could you want........

whispers

well i think it comes down to trust. Me and mike have been praying about our money situation for awhile, and we've been praying about getting a really nice camera so that we can pursue photography more and we've been asking God to meet our needs and He is. And yesterday was encouraging because we were given some money and told that more was on the way, so we still need alot more but God is being faithful. We still need God to meet our needs tomorrow and this week but He is faithful to provide for us. And in our hearts we're learning to trust God for the things that are important to us as well ( like a really nice camera) and other fun things and i feel like i'm learning about Grace again and i'm learning to trust again. And i feel like God never lets me down. I may not understand His timing and His way of doing things, but i'm beginning to trust on a deeper level that His heart is for my best. His heart is to love me. His heart is to be in relationship with me that goes beyond just meeting my 'physical' needs, but to really be filling the holes in my heart that need filling. And not just because He is what's left, but because His love is necessary for my heart to survive.

whispers speak so loudly
of the feelings our heart can't grasp
the secrets we long to be sharing
the truth that's in our hand

we keep searching for the answers
keep looking for the light of day
all we want is to be heard
to know we're inside someone's head

we are lulled into sleep
by the thought of tomorrow coming
there is no way to avoid it
no where to run and hide

all we want is freedom
all we want is to breathe fresh air
to be at peace with ourselves
to know that someone cares.

and it all comes down to trust
trust in someone greater than ourselves
who knows our deepest longings
who can see inside our heads

and so today i choose to trust
that this grace i can sense is real
that love is not an ideal
that truth is in my heart

outreach stuff.....and Christmas.

so, awhile ago a group of us decided we wanted to really do some outreach in the city and we wanted to see what God wanted to do through us in the city of Vancouver. So, we have put aside two weeks to do 'outreach' in the city and today was the first day. We did alot of planning, praying and discussing this morning. It was really good, thought provoking and i think we all left with the question what does it really look like to be a 'missionary' what do we really want our lives to look like? Lots of questions....so today was good. The rest of them had other outreaches they were part of as well today and i did the grocery shopping for our little team this week.

And on another note..i'm excited for christmas. We have just decided that our captivating group is going to have a christmas party and i'm so excited about it. For some reason i feel even more like i want to make the most of the moments and celebrate this season!

have a beautiful evening....enjoy the little things..appreciate each other...live life..and love with your whole heart.

blue skies

well i must admit that it's been sunny here for quite a few days and it really does make a difference. And actually i've had a good weekend. lots of relaxing and lots of enjoying things. i went downtown and i love being downtown when it's not raining. So now it's Sunday.......and me and mike are going to go to Bon's and enjoy our sunday as well. And we just got an email from my Father-in-law and he has booked our tickets for our holiday on the Caribbean. We are now going to the Turks and Caicos Island in the Caribbean. So that will be a lovely time for Christmas, my second non-white christmas. Mike will be spending his 25th Birthday there. This is a very non-deep blog..but i just wanted to share. I'm looking forward to the christmas season this year. I'm looking forward to being with my family in December i'm looking forward to our vacation in the caribbean with Mike's family. And i' m just looking forward to enjoying the little things. So that's all for today. The picture is now where we really are going for Christmas!

hope and disappointment

those two seem so closely linked lately. I feel as if i have a good moment, a good day, a time where i feel full of faith and life and than i feel it just so quickly stolen away, by my own self mostly...i long to run with faith, my head up, with confidence that God has placed me here, that He has desires for me. Just tonight we had captivating and it was good..it was hard, it was really hard cause especially tonight i felt like i was being finally honest with myself and with others, i feel like i'm asking for help but i don't see the answers. but than after tonight as well, mike and i were talking and it was so good, i was just asking him some of the same questions that have been on my mind lately and he was encouraging me and reminding me of some of my dreams before and asking me why i let go of them....like music, i once wanted to have a band that traveled, that sang songs that spoke straight to people's hearts and lately i have felt like being in a band wouldn't benefit anyone that it would be selfish...and mike reminded me of times when God used me, my voice , or the words to my songs, whichever He used and He spoke to people's hearts...why is it that sometimes i can see God leading me and sometimes i just let myself give up, or get distracted, even tonight i was hopeful again , i even wrote a song tonight and then so easily i get upset by something and almost feel hopeless again. I need stability and i guess i'm realizing this, there is a purpose for my life , and God has put passion in me for a reason and i have to fight! and i have no energy to fight as well...i need help. and so that's where i'm ending for tonight, i'm going to bed...i hope i can sleep ( i've been having lots of sleepless nights again)

my family

i like my mom. this week she told us she wanted to pay for me and mike to come home for a visit (because we aren't going to be able to go home for christmas this year) so we are going home for a week in December and my mom is paying for us.
I called her today and it was really cool because she's excited to see us and have us come home and i'm looking forward to being home as well...she's going to get a christmas tree, we're going to spend a day together and go shopping and have lunch..and we'll try and talk my brother into bringing his girlfriend home to hang out with us....so it'll be fun!! yeah....and i like spending time with my mom alot! (mike thinks she looks like a mannequin here)

and now here's my dad and my husband...and they're pretty cute as well.....ahh i love my family.

p.s. hey, i still need your help with my strengths..i'm basically fishing for compliments ( not fake ones though and not really just so i can feel good, but i need some help, please someone tell me one strength......please!!)

work on your strengths.

ok, so i've been pondering this question for days and i was wondering if you guys could help me out. work on your strengths.....BUT WHAT ARE MY STRENGTHS???? Even yesterday we had a meeting with the leaders for our outreach team ( me, mike, hannah , and stephen) and we were suppossed to say what strengths we were going to bring to the staff team , and i could only list one. i couldn't really think...i feel like i can't say specific things that are strengths, not that i don't think i'm good at anything, but actually naming what they are is difficult. So , do you think anyone could help me out???

make today a masterpiece.

well, let's see, last night as i was laying in bed, i was thinking about my blog..and what i would've said ... But now that i'm here i can't remember what i had wanted to say. last night i was so sick though, my whole body ached, as the night went on it got worse, i took a 20 minute hot shower and i was still chillled, so i climbed into bed and didn't want to move, all my muscles ached and i was just crying cause i was just hurting...but today i feel much better. so i hope that it was just a quick thing and that i'll feel completely better soon.
so i was listening to some guy speak today and he said something that made alot of sense and it spoke to me...i felt like it was similiar to what i talked about in my last blog but just a bit different angle..anyways, he said, give your best, give your all...but he went on to say that everyday if you give your best you can work towards making today a masterpiece. and that is kind of a revelation to me. that you don't have to let every day get swept up in the little details that don't matter, or in meaningless tasks, but everyday can mean something, ( who knows what that will be, and i think it can be as simple as appreciating what you have..) but if we give our best today our whole lives will become a beautiful mosaic, made up of the everyday things but will make our whole lives beautiful. so i just thought i'd share.
and just for a little update i will share the day to day things that have gone on in my life lately..
yesterday was a day off so me and my friends henri and joanna and sophia took a trip to ikea and God blessed me greatly!!! As well as that night me and mike rented braveheart to watch with our outreach team, we had a little team bonding ( then i came home and was really sick like i already said, ) today i've gone grocery shopping( and why is it that when i buy groceries i feel guilty for spending money?) and let's see.....i cleaned the bathroom today, thursday me and mike had a date night( where we just rented charlie and the chocolate factory and stayed in and had a great time together) and i took jamie to the doctor's on thursday..you can read her blog to see what happened and ....so even though that's a bit backwards that's what the day to day things have been lately.....
i hope you all have a beautiful day today where you feel not like time is wasted but that you are becoming the masterpiece God has designed you to be.


p.s. mike took the picture above...

sleeping beauty

living full lives...i was talking with my friend rachel tonight and she was sharing the words of a speaker yesterday who was saying if we live our lives to the fullest we will show God's glory..or something similar to that ( i can't remember exactly word for word) but i've been thinking about it all night. what would it look like if i lived my life to the fullest...what would it look like if i truly lived from my heart....what would be different about my life right now and what would be the same??? what inspires me? what brings me life? this week has been difficult for me, but i think God has been teaching me alot. one of the things i've been realizing is the need for connection with people other than my husband. i love mike and we are great friends as well as husband and wife, but i know that he does not fulfill all my relational needs. Firstly, i feel a desperation for God...i want to seek time with Him more...and as well as i need more connections with my girlfriends. There is something very different about sharing your feelings with your husband and sharing them with a girlfriend....and i think it's good to have both, but i've definitely been lacking in one of them lately. so that's something i'd like to change, as well as i need to just get off my butt and do more things that inspire me, for example beauty inspires me, beauty in nature, in people, in books, in life but lately i've been sick of the rain, don't want to walk in it (not even to my car) tired and just lazy at nights... i need to make more effort to 'do' things that bring me life....

and i need to figure out other things..like the bigger picture how can i 'be' alive. not just 'do' things or have friends, but how can i truly 'be' alive?? i'm kind of rambling i know, but my thoughts are making their way out of my head at the moment ....so basically i need to be filled with life by the creator, right?? HE is the most creative. He is Life. And so i long for Him to speak to me, to whisper to me His truth, for His words to call me to life again. A long time ago me and jamie wrote a song called 'wake up' and lately those words i feel are calling to me again...Wake up....wake up o sleeper..i feel like i've been sleeping for awhile and i want to wake up so badly....i want God to call me to LIFE. Real Life. A Full life. i want to be the sleeping beauty that is sought after and fought for and i want to wake up.

Leading a Team to North Africa and SCOTLAND!

Well, most of you know we ( me and mike) are leading a DTS outreach team to North Africa and we were meant to go to Amsterdam, but things fell through and since we are leading the team, we are going to Scotland!!! how great is that??? it's so exciting....it feels like i get to go home for my 'outreach' trip, i'm looking forward to so many great things. i'm looking forward to going for tea, to being able to cook there again, i'm looking forward to getting our stuff out of storage. there are just so many great things about this trip now! i really like scotland and the fact that we get to be there for one month is a big bonus!!! There are going to be 12 people on our team, and ( hey we need money for this so if you want to give, you can send us some of your money..:) but God is so cool and like i've already said many times i'm really looking forward to going 'home ' for this trip. It's really cool. that's all my news for today. here's a map of scotland.

prayer station, ebay and CSI

Well yesterday was great because i had lots to do...and did things i liked to do..and i even went out with mike, jamie, craig, henri and Rachel and we all did the prayer station...i was actually really nervous, but it was good. some people think we're crazy for standing out there offering prayer and others think we are brave and thank us. So that was good....and in the morning me and jamie and henri met about future possibilities and things we would like to see happen and we are moving towards things we feel God has spoken to all three of us......so i'm moving forward. Definitely...
and onto today. today is a day off and it really is that....i slept in, haven't done much at all..it's rainy and cold outside and so it's definitely a day for just staying inside..and i looked about on Ebay for awhile, i'm wanting new jewlery so i look at all the jewelry i could get for 99p from Dorothy Perkins.....and so i did that for awhile...and me and mike watched a CSI episode. i really like CSI, i could watch episode after episode....
and then...let's see tonight we are going to Wade and Jo's for a British holiday called Guy Fawke's Night where we are not going to pretend to burn the body of a terrorist...or are we...actually i think we are....in Scotland last year we were in Arbroath and i got to go see the Big Bonfire down by the Sea and i could hear the fireworks.....it's an interesting holiday that's for sure. My fellow americans would probably really enjoy it..but the only reason i was invited to this party is because i married a Brit....( and a fun fact for all of you....Scotland is actually a part of Britian, Britian does not mean just 'England' They are all Britian - Northern Ireland, Wales, Scotland and England....now you are all well informed)
so anyways i enjoy my days of work and i enjoy my days off.......i just wish the sun would come out in vancouver....i'm beginning to feel deprived of the sun... here's flags....where do they all belong to?

wish list

i can't think of anything that i want to put on here and we did have a great Captivating night with our girls..but i don't even feel like i can sum it up...so i'll just skip it for now and i'll just be simple and give you my wish list:

Blow Dryer
Hair Straightner
Some new tops
A pair of new jeans
A Digtial SLR Camera
money for outreach
A million little pieces by James Frey
a subscription to the Oprah Magazine
Coffee ( of any kind, starbucks gift card....etc...)
bobby pins
Jesus Among Other God's by Ravi Zacharias
new undergarments ( you know the neccesities)
i'm sure there's more..but of course i can't remember at this moment....

i think that's all for now....when i have a home there is a whole other wish list.....but maybe someone has tons of bobby pins they can give me some....:)
goodnight and God Bless

strange encounters

well....what a night. we were invited by our lovely friend andrea to go see this band ( this guy from manitoba that she went to school wtih ) him and his wife sing. .....so today we decided to venture out and go see this band....
so we find a parking spot...it's a little before 9pm..we walk up the stairs....the door is locked. But on the wall next to the door there is a sign that says..buzz here, or something like it....so we press the buzzer and this older man with a mustache opens the door very casually and polite and says 'you rang' and we are allowed entry. Then he asks how old we are, doesn't believe us and has to check all of our ID's one by one...although i'm not sure he checked andreas...but for sure he thought me, heather and jamie were all lying to him about our age.....he finally even puts his glasses on to check heather's ID. He finally believes we are of age..and we are the only ones there, the place looks deserted, there are about 3 to 4 'older' men there just drinking......were hoping that the band actually shows up...we're not sure about this place..it's called the Marine Club there are life preservers hanging everywhere ,it looks dusty and abandonded. ......but we are in for the adventure so jamie asks for a glass of wine and our host starts off with a story of going to the cellar looking through the cobwebs and the spiders and he does have red wine after all..he pours her a glass...the rest of us get drinks and wait for the band to show up. While we are waiting they turn on the lights in the place and play some johnny cash for us to enjoy. The band finally showed and they were great. ....one guy playing guitar and singing and his wife playing back up and they sounded great.....there wasn't much of a crowd, us, three other friends and the other band they were opening for...and we left after andrea's friends played so the crowd was even smaller....overall i had a great time with my friends and a good story to tell........here's another pic of jamie that turned out really funny.....

south pacific

i'll keep this one short....we have been invited to go on vacation with my Father in law and his wife over christmas to some South Pacific Location..( they have an island in mind but they need to confirm everything ) And so we also are leading one of the outreach teams for the DTS to North Africa and Amsterdam ..so basically we'll go on vacation with Mike's dad and Jo and spend christmas in some tropical location and then meet the team on the field. Yeah!!!!! I hope it all works out!!!! i'm so excited ...God is good.. we feel like this is a direct answer to prayer! And a blessing from God !!!!

holiness not happiness

well, my philosophy of marriage has always been that it is more about holiness than it is happiness...( and don't jump to any conclusions,...our marriage isn't just about duty or doing what you're suppossed to do...or lacking happines...) our marriage is wonderful. But i still think marriage isn't always easy and it isn't something you can opt out of or just leave when you don't feel 'in love' anymore. i think love is a choice, it's a choice we make all the time, like tonight for instance i was mad at mike and he was mad at me and the details don't really matter i just felt like in that moment when iw as mad at mike God was asking me to show him love anyways, (even if mike didn't notice) that i had to do things that would show my love for him and my motivation had to be love not spite., So i made him tea and i washed the dishes for him(cause he's the one who does dishes..i make cook , he cleans..) but anyways, there were lots of dishes today cause i made soup and breakfast and last night's cups and dishes.So i did it, i made him tea and i did the dishes and finished dinner and it isn't so much that anything radical happened to us it's just that i felt like God was speaking to me again that marriage is not about happiness but about holiness.....and look i found this book cover that says the same thing ( i had the idea before i saw the book...) but i think it's true. and i haven't read that book but i probably will one day because i definitely don't have this thing figured out but i really do think anyone getting married or married i think we all have to remember that we are called to love unconditionally ....we are not called just to love our husbands/wives when we feel like it or when they make us happy...it isn't a score card, and life isn't fair, no matter what love is a choice that we have to make and to be unconditional in the love that we give. so those are my thoughts for the night.....

beauty

i feel like this is my journal and i just have some thoughts from today.
rest is good. God is amazing, He blesses us even before we are obedient. He is faithful and He trusts us. I just feel guilty often because i feel like God is longing for us to pursue him....and that we don't..i don't ..sometimes i feel so lazy or i get caught up in what i'm doing that i don't really make huge efforts to pursue Him. And i'm realizing more and more that that is a longing inside of me, to be pursued, by my husband, by people who want to get to know me, by friends.....i want to feel important enough for someone to make an effort and i think that is how God feels as well, He doesn't want to just be somone who gives us what we want all the time, because He truly wants relationship with us, He wants us to seek him out.....
i just want to quote wild at heart because it makes so much sense..
"After years of hearing the heart-cry of women, i am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is, 'Why won't you choose me? ' It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. 'You will find me,' says the Lord, 'when you seek me with all your heart' (Jer 29:13) In other words. 'look for me, pursue me- i want you to pursue me' Amazing. As Tozer says. 'God waits to be wanted.'

i'm back. and there have been some changes

well, sorry that i have not been able to keep updated lately. we have been away at the Go Conference and it was so good. Honestly it has been the best conference i have been to in awhile. Especially since i was helping so much and running around, it was still enjoyable and honestly it felt like all the hard work was definitely worth it! I think people's lives were changed, or at least challenged! i know mine definitely was. And it turned out that me and jamie ended up leading worship for most of the conference as well and actually i enjoyed it. More than i have enjoyed leading worship in a long time, i think that something was stirred up inside me again. i feel more alive than i have in awhile, i feel more motivated to do missions, i feel like i finally have new ideas and new motivation to see things happen. So overall i would say that this Conference definitely changed me. it sounds so simple, but honestly, it did and i can't even explain all the changes...but they are more like God woke me up again. yes that's it. God woke me up! and a fun thing happened...i got my hair cut! shorter than it has been in a long time, and i actually kind of have bangs ( a fringe) So here's the picture of me with my new hair! and i feel like a new me again.

a million little pieces

we all have choices. choices to trust. choices to love. choices to fight or choices to let go. everyday i feel like i am met with these choices. what do you think is the choice that is the hardest to make everyday? i think mine is to choose to trust and not keep my heart to myself.

i watched oprah today and at the very end she talked about this book and just the title describes how i feel lately..i feel like i'm in a million little pieces. really. but i have hope that God knows each and every piece and so He can put me all back together. and also i want it to read this book...does anyone have it?

Captivating......

well we had our first Captivating group tonight and i loved it. of course there will be no details for those of you who weren't there, but it was awesome. There is something about just coming together as women and being real that brings me life. i've realized that there is something in me that longs for friendships to be real. i feel like to have a true friend you must be real with one another and a friendship isn't just about 'happy' times and a friend isn't someone who just tells you what you want to hear. Friendship means so much more than that, at least to me it does. So i'm looking forward to what God has ahead for us as a group. I think that He will do things that we can't even really imagine right now. I think that this is the way it is meant to be..as a community going through things together, letting God speak to us and challenge us to be women of God. And to discover what it truly means to be women of God. i think if women were truly women of God as we are meant to be and men are the men of God they are meant to be, we are to compliment each other in a way that truly shows the glory of God. We are a better picture of who God is when each men and women are living as God meant them to live and treating each other with love and respect for who we are, not belitting each other's sex. We are to be warriors with each other, not against each other. So i'm exicited about this journey towards being a woman of God and i'm so excited that I have a group of women who want to go through this with me.

See Beyond

today was one of those days when you don't even realize how much there is inside of you until you start to talk to someone and then all this stuff just pours out of you...like today, when i was talking to pam, all the sudden i just started to sharing all these things that were going on inside my head. alot of it relates to what i felt yesterday when i wrote in my blog...and i guess alot of those feelings are alot deeper than i realized and maybe God is stirring me to feel again. this picture is taken in scotland and just on the other side of the grass is a drop off into the North Sea....beautiful cliffs, but you wouldn't necessarily know that just looking at the picture because we don't always know what's just beyond - just beyond what we can see.

i'm not sure so sure i like change. i like it when it's my idea. otherwise i'm not a big fan. i'm thinking of getting my hair cut and that's a huge change for me. my hair has been long as long as i can remember...and i like it that way, but lately i've actually been really looking forward to doing something different because the truth is ..i feel like i am a different person. being back in vancouver is obviously different than i thought it would be and in reality i'm probably more different than i realized i'd be and so i'm not sure where that leaves me exactly. i went to sleep and couldn't sleep again tonight, last night i slept wonderfully though,...lots on my mind tonight, lots in my head. i feel like i need clarity ... i think i'm mostly confused about life....how it changes and morphs into all these different things, some things so good. like getting married..and some things are just gradual changes and they are harder to deal with..like because i'm married now and with my friends again i find it harder to balance time with everyone. and being married means you can't just go and do whatever you want whenever you want...but the good part of that is that you always have someone..a constant friend, a best friend. hard changes for me are my 'roles' like where do i stand with people, or what is my place in things. i think i'm confused about identity..wondering if i get my identity from what i do...or wondering if it's part of who God made me to be, to want to know what my purpose is..i don't want to waste my life..more than anything i want the changes in my life to be drawing closer to God.or just always seeking Him, i hope the changes involve me being refined, me letting myself go and God become more and more in my life..and realizing that He has made me to be who i am for a reason,
so....... how do i live as He as made me, with the passions and purposes He's given me, not being apathetic- not thinking my life is my own - not being lazy..but moving forward into the role He has called me and being willing to change for Him alone and not being willing to change to please any man. so that all sounds great..doesn't it?? i don't know, i just think there are more changes ahead...big and small..like my hair and what my life is going to look like. thoughts anyone?

coffee or sleep?

i haven't slept well in this house yet..isn't that a bit strange? well except one night. but it's been awhile. and i'm getting more and more tired. i hope tonight is the night when i can sleep well and wake up refreshed. i hope that tonight i really really sleep. i even went away for the weekend and there i slept fine, i came back here and last night i hardly slept at all.....i really really would like sleep. in peace. like where you actually feel rested, i feel like i can't even type anything intelligent at this moment, cause my brain is on hold. So i'm just going to climb into bed, read for a little bit and hopefully drift off into peaceful sleep and wake up tomorrow with a whole new perspective on life..and i really hope the sun comes out too..(that always helps) and i'll have my morning coffee regardless of whether i slept well or not....

hope and hair

well...last night i had this crazy dream that me and my friend jamie were washing our hair ( in a sink or something...) and she was washing her hair and big clumps of hair were coming out of her head so she was warning me about being careful when i wash my hair because big chunks of hair were really coming out of her head,....so in the dream i proceeded to wash my hair and big chunks were falling out.....so i shared that this morning was my friends at our prayer meeting and Audrey informed me that that means i am stressed.
so then they prayed for me, Got some encouraging words, some pictures...and some challenges.....one of them was to Rise Up and Bless the Lord...and to remember that God knows me more..and that i am the not-forgotten one...and to remember passion and purpose....
so that was good.and today has been up and down, my friend jamie is very very sick and i love her and it hurts to see her in pain, so i went with her to the doctor today and God was good to her, he gave her great doctors and i feel like i can trust her into God's hands....but you know days go up and down, and right now i'm frustrated...i can't really tell you why except i have this frustration inside me that i don't always know what to do with...life is unpredictable, you don't always have a choice what it throws at you....but i guess in the end, God is worth worshipping either, He still the only one with ALL the answers, so He's the one i should be talking to....He's still guiding us, but sometimes i worry that I'm like the israelites and forget all of God's goodness to me, i don't want to be like that..so in the midst of my frustration, anger, sadness I will praise God! I will trust that He loves my friends, my husband, my family even more than i do...i will praise Him..even when I don't understand ( because if i could understand God, what would be the point?? ) so yeah, this is somewhat rambling again, but i'm just not sure how where this is all going....so i guess i will go to sleep and pray that God speaks to me, that He draws near to me because I need Him..i desperately need Him. the picture above i took..and i call it 'Hope'

weak in the knees

yesterday was our anniversary and it was beautiful. one year of marriage. it's amazing how love grows and evolves. How much you can love someone and even when you love them so deeply there seems to always be room to love 'more'. it's the little things that are amazing about love. it's growing together and learning..it's sacrificing for each other, learning to be committed to each other in ways that seem insignificant yet when they are significant to the person you love you are committed to them. i love mike for so many different things, and i don't just love him for how he makes me feel, or because he loves me - i love him for who he is but i do love the way he loves me. today i stayed home from work cause i was sick and i ended up watching the notebook and cried so hard at the end, cried more than i have in a long time..it was strange, i felt like i couldn't even stop myself from crying if i'd wanted to. but still what stands out the most in life is not really that you might love and then be hurt because of it, or that if you love someone and they die that you'd be so sad because of it, i think one of the saddest things in life is not having loved at all....not letting yourself draw close to someone because of your own fear, what we remember most in life is the love we did have..the love we did find - in friends..in our family...in our close relationships - in the little things. every day i love mike more. every day we have the choice to keep loving even when the hurts come, or we can choose to ignore love and then live a very dull life filled with not much hurt or sadness and not much love either. I hope today you choose to love - it's worth it.

i'm tired. i feel like i've been baking for hours. i got up this morning, had to go to the store to ge tthe ingredients for tonight's thanksgiving dinner and then the store i went to didn't have them all, another store was closed and then finally i got all my groceries and came home and got to work making the pies and now 4 hrs later (then when i got up) i'm finally done with all of it and can sit down and relax. i'm looking forward to eating dinner tonight, yummy turkey and pies that i made and then coming home and watching a movie in the lounge. i want to watch crash, i've seen it once, but i really want to see it again...it's not really a relaxing movie but it makes you think. so hopefully that will be the rest of my day. not really any deep thoughts here just some minor ramblings. have a happy thanksgiving. and tomorrow we'll be celebrating our FIRST anniversary tomorrow.