i'm not sure so sure i like change. i like it when it's my idea. otherwise i'm not a big fan. i'm thinking of getting my hair cut and that's a huge change for me. my hair has been long as long as i can remember...and i like it that way, but lately i've actually been really looking forward to doing something different because the truth is ..i feel like i am a different person. being back in vancouver is obviously different than i thought it would be and in reality i'm probably more different than i realized i'd be and so i'm not sure where that leaves me exactly. i went to sleep and couldn't sleep again tonight, last night i slept wonderfully though,...lots on my mind tonight, lots in my head. i feel like i need clarity ... i think i'm mostly confused about life....how it changes and morphs into all these different things, some things so good. like getting married..and some things are just gradual changes and they are harder to deal with..like because i'm married now and with my friends again i find it harder to balance time with everyone. and being married means you can't just go and do whatever you want whenever you want...but the good part of that is that you always have someone..a constant friend, a best friend. hard changes for me are my 'roles' like where do i stand with people, or what is my place in things. i think i'm confused about identity..wondering if i get my identity from what i do...or wondering if it's part of who God made me to be, to want to know what my purpose is..i don't want to waste my life..more than anything i want the changes in my life to be drawing closer to God.or just always seeking Him, i hope the changes involve me being refined, me letting myself go and God become more and more in my life..and realizing that He has made me to be who i am for a reason,
so....... how do i live as He as made me, with the passions and purposes He's given me, not being apathetic- not thinking my life is my own - not being lazy..but moving forward into the role He has called me and being willing to change for Him alone and not being willing to change to please any man. so that all sounds great..doesn't it?? i don't know, i just think there are more changes ahead...big and small..like my hair and what my life is going to look like. thoughts anyone?