creative space

So yesterday and today Kael has been pretty whiny and would not go down for his nap.
So i set off with him in his stroller, hoping he would fall asleep as we walked along. So i started walking and i found this trail really close to my house.......i decided to wander along it and see what else i could find. it was such a beautiful trail, lots of nature, trees and little rivers, ponds, bridges and fields. As i was thinking Kael feel asleep ( praise the Lord) and i thought...'wouldn't it be nice if there was benches along here where i coud sit and read ' and i turned teh corner and there was a little picnic area, with picnic tables and it was covered...so i sat there for almost an hour and had peace. Kael slept in his stroller and i read my magazines i brought me and enjoyed the shade, the peace, the quiet and the breeze.
i just got a library card the other day and os i got a bunch of magazines and so i was reading an old Mothering magazine and there was an article about creative space. Where each member of the family mom, dad and child had their own, a desk where they could leave out whatever it was they were working on, art, drawings, writing, clay, etc...and they got rid of their tv because they would just sit there and watch it but without the tv and with their designated creative space they did create so much more and it of course enriched their own lives and their relationships with each other. It's interesting because we just got of rid of our cable because sometimes we are lazy and cannot make ourselves turn off the tv, so we just decided to get rid of our cable and i'd really like to see if there is way we can make 'creative space' for both me and mike.

so those are my thoughts. i think we should all have space to think and create. happy creating.

10 months and eight teeth

Kael, is now 10 months old and he has eight teeth...:) i can't believe how old he is already. the past few days he seems even more interactive with other people....smiling at the store or the library, getting excited to see other babies...he's so loveable. i wish you all could know him right now. i feel sad for him that not many people get to see him grow up. or maybe i feel sad for me that i don't get to show him off to as many people as i'd like since we don't live by all of you.

takes time i guess

so..we got back from boston and i worked a full week, it felt more than normal but it was just three very long days and then i had the weekend completely off. ;my parents came down yesterday and spent the day with us. soo great ot have my parents here. They got to hang out with kael i nour house and watch him crawl around and climb up everything. We also took him swimming at their hotel pool..and that was fun, Kael's first time swimming. he seemed to like it. he didn't hate it. :) he had fun with grandma and grandpa. and so did i.

but today i feel a bit discouraged again by how long it takes to get to know people. I should feel encouraged, me and mike were invited to dinner by another couple in the church, and another lady int e church asked for my phone number so that me and kael coud come over and hang out with her and her two children. so that's good, people are still wanting to get to know us or make the effort i just struggle with not being known. i feel like i'm having an identiy crisis....not really a crisis but i havea lot of questions going on in my own head, things i want to talk about. sorry to keep talking about all fo htis, i feel like that's all i talk about lately, i don't mean to be so negative. it's just one of those days.......

but today kael seems even more like a little boy. today in church he was smiling at everyone and laughing and this afternoon he took a 2 hr nap!! a miracle...so with kael it's a good day.

boston

Our trip to Boston. While there i had no internet access so i'm catching up on everyone's blogs and now i'll have to give the highlights of our trip.

1. Kael, cute as he is. all bundled up here cause it was cold the first few days..Anyways...kael threw up all over mike on the plane. He had eaten a jar and a half of bananas before we flew and then on the plane he had some breastmilk and so it all came out on mike while he was trying to get kael to sleep....it is funny now. i wish we had a picture there was banana/puke all over mike and kael. And of course the one time i didn't pack an entire extra outfit for kael, i forgot pants...so after that he was in a onesie, socks and a sweatshirt..no pants....and mike was soaking wet.

2. the Boston Public Garden, where all the nice scenic pics of our family are taken. I would go there almost every morning. I would grab a coffee from starbucks and go to the park and sit there for at least an hour, until kael would get antsy to keep moving. it was so relaxing, and peaceful for me.

3. i walked all around boston. the downtown is so small that i was able to see all different parts of the city, i sat in parks along the charles river, walked cobblestone streets, the italian section of town with narrow streets, the 'posch' part of the city with studio apartments that rented for $1500. i loved how the city was new, but there was so much history there as well.

4. we went along most of the freedom trail and toured the Massachusetts States House which was amazing.

5. We visited the Cheers Bar. ( which inspired the tv show cheers..) and had such juicy yummy burgers and nice Boston Sam Adams beers and then when we went to pay, the waitress informed us that the guy sitting next to us ( who we found out , his wife is due in a month with their first baby) Paid for our entire dinner.

6. just getting to hang out and be on vacation with my beautiful son and my amazing husband, who by the way, is the best Father. the pic of him and kael is on Father's day. Mike truly is such an amazing dad. He cares and loves Kael soo much, it is inspiring to watch.

in the first pic you can see kaels' little hand, he is in the ergo on mike's back. :)

off to boston

We are leaving early tomorrow morning for a short jaunt to boston. mike is going to attend an ebay conference while me and kael tool around the city of boston and then at the end of the conference me kael and mike will have some time to explore the city together. i'll take pics and let you know how it's going later. i'm excited to be going.

standing and smiling

well this past week kael has learned the art of pulling himself up and standing! yeah!!! so weird to pick him up in his crib when he is standing there. like he's a real little boy. :) and now he's into the kitchen cupboards, pots and pans. we bought him a toy at a garage sale today where he can stand and play with it. he tries to climb up my leg now. it's a fun age. each age seems to get more and more fun. i'm still thinking about the job. partly i may not have a choice cause mike's job is changing a bit, but i may see if i can get more steady hours so we can make a schedule for our family. i think i will talk to my manager about it all.
but back to kael. so much fun. we have to watch him more and make sur he cna't get into anything that could be trouble. :) ooh and i got a good deal on an ergo baby carrier from craigslist so that i can take it to boston with me! yeah!!!!
kael's funny face by the way is his way of smiling.....:)

should i stay at work?

well friends....since i don't have tons of people here to process my decisions with, you are my family and i would like some advice.
Mike and I are talking about whether i should stay at my starbucks job. I know, i know..i just started. i do feel like i would be a quitter and that is hard for me to do..but we are just wanting to assess whether it is working for our family or not, and is it worth it?

Mike is finding it hard to get much work done when he is home with Kael and his job may involve more responsibilities and so it may not even be possible for him to get all the work he needs to get done if i don't come home. My paychecks are not huge but they do help. We could live without the money it is nice but we could make do without.

Kael has become really clingy lately....i am not sure whether it is a stage or because i have gone back to work. So, i'm struggling with that. i feel guilty that i'm gone more than i was before and wonder if it would just be better for little kael if i was home. He has gotten worse at taking his naps and so it is even harder for mike cause Kael hasn't been napping at all. and maybe if i was home and my schedule wasn't so unpredictable we it would help kael if he had a more predictable schedule.
again, i'm not sure if it matters if it's me or mike home with it or if i'm just feeling guilty.

i kind of like having a job. i like getting out of the house and doing something else, but i wouldn't say i love it. I wouldn't say it would be my number one choice. I think if i made some friends....like today when i went to the zoo with katie and Sarah it was nice to get out of the house, do something with girls, talk to other girls and have fun...so if i have more developed friends maybe i wouldn't need that outlet of starbucks at all.
i would like to pursue other things like being a doula, or trying to make more time for creative things and i could maybe put a little time into that if i didn't have a job.....

as i'm writing i'm seeing more positives about coming home but i'm still unsure about making that choice. any thoughts friends?

i'm going to the zoo

so all through the church service i couldn't stop crying....i was trying, but it wasn't working. lack of sleep probably didn't help but also i was also thinking how i just wanted a friend. it's more than that, i was just realizing today how much my life has changed. i was watching this girl who i just met, she has a five month old baby, she is in charge of the kids ministry at the church, has a part time job, and is on the worship team, now she will also be going to a small group with us, and i was jealous. to be able to have your life already together and your kid is 5 months old. i realized that i'm just starting out. since Kael has been born our lives have been completely unstable. i haven't had friends with me to talk to ( of course i have all my friends, but just not here in the same city) i don't have mom's groups to go to...most people have their lives that are going along, they are part of things, either their church, their friends, their life and so then they have a baby and there is adjusting but some things get to stay the same ( in a way) i didn't get that. my life has not stayed the same at all, it has changed a few times since kael has come along. so i have been adjusting, while trying to start a life. it's exhausting..but so ...at the end of church i wanted to talk to this woman i met the other day...she goes to our chruch, and is having a baby any day....and so i ended up talking to her, and another mum friend i met who has a 1 yr old and we are going to go to the zoo together, the three of us on Tuesday( that is if sarah doesn't have her baby) so that will be great. the zoo here is free too. how cool is that?

Also, me and mike are going to be going to small group, for married couples and we're going to go through the book love and respect. So i'm looking forward to my week ahead.
we also had a newcomers lunch today after church, where we and other new people got to know the church staff a bit better. so i'm feeling much more hopeful.

sick

i don't think i haev been sick since i've had kael, (besides some weird stomach problems because of the c-section) but the other night i didn't feel so well and went to bed, got up the next day, didn't feel horrible but didn't feel great, went to work.......and had a headache, was achy and as soon as i got home i felt horrible.....my stomach started hurting alot, got chills and then really hot...was horrible....was throwing up, etc etc....today i haven't thrown up but still feel really achy and have sharp stomach pains......and this morning i was watching a 'baby story' and was thinking....i do not want to have a baby anytime soon..:) just because of the pain....and the morning sickness, i do not miss that.
and i work tomorrow at 5am, so we'll see how that goes....hope i feel all better. :) anyways...that's the post.......not much to say.