those two seem so closely linked lately. I feel as if i have a good moment, a good day, a time where i feel full of faith and life and than i feel it just so quickly stolen away, by my own self mostly...i long to run with faith, my head up, with confidence that God has placed me here, that He has desires for me. Just tonight we had captivating and it was good..it was hard, it was really hard cause especially tonight i felt like i was being finally honest with myself and with others, i feel like i'm asking for help but i don't see the answers. but than after tonight as well, mike and i were talking and it was so good, i was just asking him some of the same questions that have been on my mind lately and he was encouraging me and reminding me of some of my dreams before and asking me why i let go of them....like music, i once wanted to have a band that traveled, that sang songs that spoke straight to people's hearts and lately i have felt like being in a band wouldn't benefit anyone that it would be selfish...and mike reminded me of times when God used me, my voice , or the words to my songs, whichever He used and He spoke to people's hearts...why is it that sometimes i can see God leading me and sometimes i just let myself give up, or get distracted, even tonight i was hopeful again , i even wrote a song tonight and then so easily i get upset by something and almost feel hopeless again. I need stability and i guess i'm realizing this, there is a purpose for my life , and God has put passion in me for a reason and i have to fight! and i have no energy to fight as well...i need help. and so that's where i'm ending for tonight, i'm going to bed...i hope i can sleep ( i've been having lots of sleepless nights again)
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