Christmas

Well, i can't believe christmas has been here and gone. It was a great christmas. So much fun with family. My dad made Kael his very own play house, with windows and shutters and doors.....and inside was a red shiny radio flyer wagon. sweet!!!
he tries to haul the wagon around on his own, it's hilarious. and as you can see in one of the pics he also likes to lay down in it and take a ride.
andy and jen were home as well...so the whole family went bowling.....and me and mike did horrible when it was us against my mom and dad and andy and jen.....we were the worst couple ...

Kael got to play in the snow for the first time ( those pics coming soon) i missed out on the snow forts.....but andy jen and mike all had their own. ( i was in town having lunch with my beautiful friend shelley.....which was great as well)
let's see......not much else to say just wanted to give a little update and post some pics...i have to explain the last pic, Kael got this toy that is a zebra and it makes noise etc....and so Kael had to press the buttons/things that made the noise but it would scare him so he would run and hide behind my mom, and the last picture is his little skeptical face and my mom laughing at him....so funny!

We Are back. We were gone for 10 days to various islands in the caribbean. We really went to see Mike's dad, who now live's in Turks & Caicos Islands, but we went throught the Dominican Republic ( which everyone down there refers to as the D.R.) And his dad lives on this tiny island called Salt Cay, it was great. Beautiful beaches, their house is great, perfect for living on an island, lots of charm.
Kaels' hair was all curly because of the humidity...it was awesome. now that we are back you can tell he really needs a haircut.

Me and mike both got our diver's certification and that was really cool. I was afraid at first to do it..but i want to be able to try new things so i did it.i read something just recently that said to do things you are afraid of. so I just went for it. and actually the more i learned the more comfortable I felt. We saw two giant lobsters. ad lots of other really cool fish. Since we have relatives down there we'll probably get to dive some more.....

Mike's birthday is tomorrow so i'll have to think of something to do....:) anyways...lots of laundry, and stuff to do. can't believe christmas is so close now.

well. hello all. sorry i've been so lame at posting lately. i feel like there has been lots to post and not much at all.....
so like i said, we moved into a house. and it has much more space to roam around in. we are still slowly getting settled in. it's so nice to feel like you are really in your own house though. ( not really ours, but you know what i mean)
so, what's happened......
1.i went to michigan with my mom to see my grandpa. and it was so fun to see my aunts and uncles and cousins.....and to show Kael off. My little cousin who is 3 was so excited to see Kael one day and she ran into a coffee table and got a big bump on her head.
2. mike and kael were both sick, throwing up and everything and i wasn't even there to take care of them because they were with my mom ( and i was in madison working)

3. a few days after getting back from thanksgiving we were making a fire in our new Pellet stove in our new house and it exploded (inside the fireplace) and smoke was everything and so the fire department came with three trucks and two police cars, they blocked off the road and so we were all outside, and i met all the neightbors...;) great huh?

4. and now we are going to the Caribbean on Monday,to visit mike's dad, who lives in Turks and Caicos ( islands right next to the bahamas, the dominican etc....)

so.......i can't get any pics to upload right now i'm not sure why...so that's all for now. sorry for the lack in posting.....hope some people are still reading.

ohhh yeah!!! last night i went to an Over the Rhine concert right here in Madison and it was soooo great!!!! and mike , being the best husband ever had emailed them earlier to say...' my wife is a big fan could you dedicate a song or meet her or something) so it didn't work out but the manager was touched by the romantic gesture of my husband that she is sending me a free cd...how cool is that????
so i'll upload pics soon of our new place and stuff.......

well well well.......

what can i say?? we moved. we were prompted to move out of our old neighborhood by some sketchy things going on in our area.....it prompted the quick move. we are now in a house. we are renting a gorgeous old house. lots of character....hardwood floors, fireplace, three bedrooms, basement, and an upstairs... i love it. it's weird that it's ours. i mean we didn't buy it. but we are renting it and it's nice to be in a house. we have to get it kid proofed. kael has to adjust to the hardwood floors......poor little guy has slipped a few times..and now we have stairs....so we need to buy baby gates.....we have had piles of boxes, chairs, luggage etc in front of stairs....so once we get the house settled, the baby gates set up etc.....i will feel more relaxed in our home. yiu can all come visit now....please do.....this house is old but it has so much character, a red kitchen with shiny nobs.....and cool tiled counters, cork floors..etc.....and the bathroom is sooo nice....and the bedrooms are all different shades of green. oohh please come visit me.

i'll post pics soon.

moving

hey peeps! we're moving. and i've been out of town, therefore there has been a lack of posting. we are just moving within madison, to a house though!! yeah!! and it has a piano in it. stay tuned for updates on my life.....

tagged

well...joanna(well actually sophia and ella) tagged me in her blog and
Here are the rules: You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.) When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post and then choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

so here goes....hmmm....

M - mother, i am a mother, i love it more everyday, i love it more than i thought i would....i love being Kael's mum. it's tiring, but it's so worth it. my time with him, as his mother is precious to me.

A - authentic....that's what i long to be. i long to be authentic, for my insides to match my outsides..and for that to bring life to others, to be positive, passionate and alive. so i know i'm not always truly authentic, but i strive to be and i want that to be me.

E -enjoying.....the fall weather, my morning coffee, my quiet times, my son, my husband. enjoying the journey, enjoying the spot i'm in right now.

ok, i'm not sure if that is exactly what i was meant to do..but that has taken me all day..i'm so glad my middle name is only three letters.....

so....i tag: audrey, shelley, and......rachel
that's all for now..off to tomahawk and then michigan for the next week..( and they have dial up still and there'll be no posting i'm sure) so til then.

one of those days

kael is napping and for once i have taken the time for myself. no cleaning, no dishes, no laundry, just me, my journal, my bible, ...reading and now blogging..it's been great. it's beautiful outside, gorgeous sunny weather, some trees still holding onto their leaves.....and crisp air. ooohhh i love it. we've been busy lately,our anniversary , we went to Kansas City for business meetings, and my mother in law and her husband were here visiting. Which is always nice, they spoiled kael and had such a great time hanging out with him. and now next weekend my mum is retiring..so we're going to celebrate with her and i might go with her to visit my grandpa...i'm not sure. anyways.......just wanted to say hello. i know it's been awhile. we are thinking of moving into a bigger place, we found a place we love, it's a house ( and it even comes with a piano) So we'll see what happens, we 'd have to sublet our place first. With mike working from home our little apartment is kind of cramped, but who knows, we're not desperate to move, but it woud be nice if it works out. i miss my friends still. and over the rhine is coming to madison at the end of november. yeah!!! so there's all the news.....kind of random, but here's some recent pics.

another little trip

anniversary. we had our 3rd anniversary on Wednesday and so this weekend, we went up north, dropped off kael with my mom, and we went back to minocqua and stayed at a little resort on the water. It was nice. Not amazing,but nice. And we had lunch overlooking the water, and did whatever we wanted. the best part is that we got to sleep in...(not so romantic but if you are parents you will understand) it was lovely. that's all for now.

a little trip

Well my mom was in janesville this week for some training thing, so me and Kael decided to go visit her. We went out to dinner and took kael swimming at the hotel. It was lots of fun. he liked swimming alot.....he didn't sleep so well. but it's ok now. he had a really long nap this morning (making up for that hour of not sleeping from 3:30-4:30am) it was really col to see my mom for a night and be able to have a good time talking and connecting again. and then this morning i dropped her off at her training and it was at this botanical gardens ..so i wandered around these beautiful gardens for more than an hour, sipping my coffee and enjoying the morning. it was great. so quiet and peaceful and i love being surrounded by beauty. it was refreshing that's for sure. just wanted to share.

kael's favorite playground

fall is here

this morning i woke up to beautiful weather ( and my thoughtful husband let me sleep in this morning) it's in the 50's today and the colors are starting to come out.i love fall. it's my favorite season of them all. So, put kael in his cute little flannel shirt and headed for a walk in the park. and i actually got exercise. i've been eating better lately but exercise wasn't happening, so i just decided even just getting out was a start. so i'm proud of myself, i love the day already. kael is being a bit cranky but i'm sure it'll pass. he's cute either way and he's mine. ( didn't take the pic and it's not that colorful yet...but i'm excited for it to be. )

i'd love to have a campfire and roast marshmallows and drink hot chocolate. or something like that.

old friends

lately i've been nostalgic. and realizing how many amazing people i have met along my journey and i wish that i had been better at keeping in touch and wish i was better at keeping in touch.....and now people are married, some have kids, some have moved all over the world......people in teams i have led, schools i have staffed, led, or been part of, it's been absolutely a privilege to meet all the people i have.....
and if anyone of you is reading this..ad is around Wisconsin anytime soon, please come and see me ...i'd love to hear how your lives are going....

stress and food

so i've realized since living in madison hat i am a comfort eater. i never thought i wasn't but i never really thought about it. but since living here i have realized how much i am a comfort eater. when i bored, when i wish i was talking with a friend..etc...so unfortunately all that weight i lost back in Scotland...i gained about half of it back. so i'm back on a diet. so ....i was watching Martha Stewart ( i know not everyone loves her, but i like some of her stuff) and part of the show was about how the foods we eat can help us to not be as stressed. how they help us 'cope' with stress and interestingly....... i've been feeling better this week. i don't feel as stressed, i don't feel as 'sad' and today and i'm wondering if part of that is the diet. i have been trying to make a conscious choice to be more positive this week, and i've also had more interaction with other women...so i'm sure this is all contributing to me having a better week. but i wonder if the diet is helping as well...more than i realized. so just thought i'd share my thoughts......

hmmm......

well, not much to say. but i did go to a mum's small group today and i loved it. just being with other mnm's, other women, it was really relaxed, just getting to know each other. i made apple butter, well, am making apple butter. i watched the very last episode of last season's grey's anatomy, and i'm soo hooked on grey's and am very much looking forward to this next season. well...that's about it, i guess. just wanted to post, even though it's not about much.....

September 18th

today......this very day, september 18th, but 7 years ago.... I joined ywam vancouver. I had already done my DTS and was now returning to be 'staff' . such a crazy thought. so many years ago. this day has always had that significance to me. the day i truly moved from home to start my own life. and what an adventure it was. Randy parizeau and Heidi picked me up from the airport in Vancouver in Randy's little car. I went to my new 'home' and felt so awkward. who knew i would develop some amazing relationships, get the chance to be part of people's lives, be part of people's journey's, take people places like India, Thailand, Morocco....etc.....meet my husband and then on this very day sept 18th 2004, i officially left ywam vancouver. ( i didn't know on that day, although i did suspect that i would be back there) the past 7 years has really been a part of my life that is not so easy to sum up. that's probably why it's been an 'adjustment' it wasn't just school, or an experience it was where i grew up, grew into who i am now. Those friendships i made along the way, those are so meaningful to me, Wade and Jo, Randy and Rita, Mike and Jen, Rachel, Audrey, Angela, Ben, John, Heather, all those i did my dts with and then continued on staff with, my friendships with jamie and emily only grew stronger......all those shared memories of good and bad, all the tears, the laughter, ( girls remember the trip to Angela's wedding and all the giggling in the trailer.....) road trips, i feel like i shared so many different parts of me....i got to be real, transparent, and because of that i drew close to so many of you. this isn't a sad post it's mostly a reflection of such joy in my life. Thank you .....there are way too many people to list..way too many memories, but i am so grateful for all of you, and i'm so grateful for the journey i've been on, i wouldn't trade it for anything. so today is a celebration of where we have come from and where we are going too......

back from vacation

well...we got back on friday night from our week at the lake. Lake michigan that is. it was great. we were in ahouse right on the lake, so every morning, we took beach walks, sometimes just me and mike and sometimes me, mike and kael. kael got to play in the sand alot, (although it was cold so sometimes he had on a hat, and lots of layers) but he liked the sand and would throw it all over us. he also met my relatives for the first time, my aunt penny, aunt kelly, my grandma, and my cousins, brian, lexie and brendan...and he loved them all, He especially loved my aunt kelly's dog, angus. he really is a people person/baby...:) he loves being around people and he's ecome even more animated lately, smiling and laughing so much. he's soo fun. i love the little person that he is. he's such a little character, and has so much personality.
i'll have to post pics later cause we forgot our camera so we'll have to get my dad to email them to me. anyways....that's all for now. i don't work until tuesday so i'm enjoying my 'vacation' still.

elusive

so....at times i know i've been honest on here and other times not so deep...i debate what to share, and for awhile felt like all i was doing was complaining...about how hard life was..how tired i was, etc etc.....well i can't say that too much has changed except the realization that it isn't 'where i live' or that kael can be alot of work, it's mostly just me at the moment. i'm not sure what's going on....but i need a change somehow. i feel like i've been lost for awhile....and i'm not exactly sure how to find my way back to peace..some days i find some steps towards it but others it seems elusive. just wanted to share something real.

birthday party

well kael had cake for the first time. i cannot believe he is 1 yr old!!! it has gone by so incredibly fast, insanely fast. he is a wonder still. he's so much fun, so much personality and i love to cuddle with him ( when he lets me) he got some great toys that he likes to play with now...although today he was still dragging around the pots today, no matter how many toys he has.
at his party, grandma and grandpa were there, uncle andy and his girlfriend. and my friends shelley, nate, with their son sam. and sarah and andy with their beautiful kids...Israel and Arwen.
at the party i realized why you should give out party favors to other kids..so they have something to play with. and we should have opened up the gifts at the beginning to the other kids had more toys to play with.

and the funny thing was that they all hit meltdwn at the same time.....and nap time came shortly after for all kids involved...:) it was fun.

soon

will post soon pics of kael's party and stuff....feeling sick (head cold, body aches...etc..) and just not feeling like being social. but will post soon

one year ago.

i was pregnant, in labor, early labor ut still, having contractions, still walking up and down the street hoping that i would dilate further without intervention. i can't believe it's been a year, one year ago, it was just me and mike ( kind of, not really but you know) and wow...i'm glad that right now i'm not in pre-labor/early labor, etc...you know, the pain, i didn't know then it would be so long....anyways, here's a few pics i couldn't find the ones i really wanted to show you of how massive i was. i miss vancouver, lovely isn't it???

little steps

kael took a few steps..between me and mike...he was so excited and sooo was i!!! stay tuned...his birthday is friday and we'll take lots of pics....

life

life is moving on. i can't believe the summer is almost gone. it's been so hot here Kael and I haven't even been able to enjoy the summer enough. I'm wondering why i moved back to wisconsin...cold winters and hot summers...i think i prefer the coast. (but we're not really going to move anywhere. ) maybe in a few years or something we'll try the east coast.
anyways....kael's birthday is in 8 days, we're going to go up to my parents house to have a party for him, since we aren't that close with anyone down here. it'll be a small party but i still think it'll be really fun. i'm looking forward to seeing andy again and his girlfriend.
so all that to say that there is nothing much to say.

feist

my new favorite cd at the moment is 'FEIST" The Reminder.
check it out.

good friends and being tired

well, last weekend i went to canada. and hung out with jamie....my very good friend and because mike couldn't go to canada craig came over to see him. so they had their 'guy' time and we, girl time ....soo good. ooh how i've missed it. and we talked way too late in the night. ( or early morning)
and had a great time by the water and relaxing. i thought i had more pics of jamie but i don't. mostly because she took lots of pics on my camera but i thought i had more of her. i'm sad that i don't. and i don't have one pic of the two of us....sad. but there are some great pics that jamie took of kael, he was crawling around in the nude and having a great time.
and it's been hard catching up on sleep....i've been working at 5am the last few days, but it was worth it.

my mother-in-law

well...today we took Linda, my mother-in-law to the airport. She was with us for a little over a week. And like always we had a great time with her and she spoiled us as well. She brought all kinds of clothes for Kael and while she was here bought him some toys, which he loves playing with. She also brought me these beautiful pottery dishes she got for me. They are gorgeous, one is a huge bowl that looks like a leaf, it's beautiful dish. She even bought me an oprah magazine.
Kael got to spend some time with just her as well, while me and mike went on our first trip with out Kael. We went to denver for a business conference and traveling without Kael is so much easier. But i did miss him by the end. So here are some pics of my beautiful mother-in-law. She is such a blessing in our lives and we enjoyed our time with her. Kael will miss her too.
now we're off to see jamie and craig, we leave our house on thursday, spend a night with my parents and then up to see jamie and craig at my family's. i'm really excited.

swinging

guilt

so my life. is adjusting as you all know. here are some more of my recent thoughts.
kael is almost 1 yr old and i can't believe it. he is laughing alot this week, so much fun and of course makes me laugh more. he brings so much joy to my life.
i finally got to talk to emily on the phone this week and it was nice since she understands all the thoughts and feelings of leaving ywam, i admit i didn't fully understand her thoughts and feelings before but it's nice that she understands mine. it feels like you are starting over. (jamie and audge you may or may not experience some of the same things) but once you 'leave' and enter the real world there are all kinds of emotions and thoughts going on and i up til now i dont even know if i could identify some of them. i'm rambling i know, so ok this week for the first time since we've moved here someone really asked me how it was leaving ywam and was it an adjustment, and it is on so many levels but the thing is ...nobody usually asks you, or seems to care. it's like you you were married and now you aren't but nobody asks you about or seems to think it was a big deal in your life.....but it was our entire life for years, not just a DTS, but years.....and also we've been looking at buying and what are our options, what it take etc...and we have no savings, we have just started making some money so i feel as if we are way behind everyone our age, i feel like a newbie, to life. even though i have had all these amazing opportunities and experiences it just feels like a foreign life.
but this morning in church i realized i left guilt behind when i left ywam. (not like ywam cause me guilt, it was my own feelings but still very real feelings) guilt that i wasn't doing enough, i felt guilty every time we used money on fun stuff, movies, out to eat etc. i still struggle with feelings of guilt sometimes but not as much as i did then. i am more relaxed about my life, about getting up going to work or not going to work. about hanging out with kael all day long, having coffee with a new friend, taking a walk through the park, or sitting and reading in the park while kael sleeps...i don't feel guilty about any of those things and taht feels great. so those are my jumbled thoughts for now.....
p.s. mike has blogged, i know it's been awhile but check it out

my husband

finally.....i can breathe a sigh of relief. we 'finally' sent in mike's paperwork to begin his process of getting his green card. almost $1,000 dollars later and many many forms we have it all in. and this is just the beginning of the process. his application may not even get read for another 6 months but soon he'll at least be in the system. it took us so long, and we were worried about getting it wrong and procrastinated but it feels so good that it is now in the mail. yeah!!!! just wanted to share my joy with all of you.

dessert recipes

lately, i cannot think of much to share. this month is busy. i am happy to report that things are getting better here. i am making friends, connections and have plans this week. i went for coffee today with a new friend and had a play date on monday. I'm enjoying the connections so much.
right now i just want dessert though. but i have no flour ot make cookies or cake and i want something yummy in my mouth right now? someone give me some good dessert recipes. i have to make a treat for our small group on monday night and i want to make something easy and super yummy....ideas anyone?

nothing to say

don't know what to say. i want to go to the movies. i want to see
transformers, pirates 3, knocked up, ratatoille, evan almighty, and those are just the ones that are out right now. but no movies for me.

hhmmm........

i feel like there were things i wanted to blog about but now i'm not sure what any of those things are.
i made a friend this week. she invited me over to her house and kael and her son 'played' together. (they didn't really play. kael scooted around their floor while caleb played near him. :) and we talked easily and this friday we will be going to their house for pizza..:) so that's fun.
this month is going to be busy. july felt like it was so far away and now it is here. time moves so quickly these days sometimes i wonder if i'm going anywhere.
my last post was about creating a space for creativity and i'm just not sure where to do that in my house. and i'm not sure where to start. i feel kind of lost lately in some areas. one area is passion..what am i passionate about and what am i doing anything about? how am i changing or affecting anything? how am i making a difference in anything? what am i leaving behind? feeling kind of 'blah' at the moment. not sure how to get past it.

creative space

So yesterday and today Kael has been pretty whiny and would not go down for his nap.
So i set off with him in his stroller, hoping he would fall asleep as we walked along. So i started walking and i found this trail really close to my house.......i decided to wander along it and see what else i could find. it was such a beautiful trail, lots of nature, trees and little rivers, ponds, bridges and fields. As i was thinking Kael feel asleep ( praise the Lord) and i thought...'wouldn't it be nice if there was benches along here where i coud sit and read ' and i turned teh corner and there was a little picnic area, with picnic tables and it was covered...so i sat there for almost an hour and had peace. Kael slept in his stroller and i read my magazines i brought me and enjoyed the shade, the peace, the quiet and the breeze.
i just got a library card the other day and os i got a bunch of magazines and so i was reading an old Mothering magazine and there was an article about creative space. Where each member of the family mom, dad and child had their own, a desk where they could leave out whatever it was they were working on, art, drawings, writing, clay, etc...and they got rid of their tv because they would just sit there and watch it but without the tv and with their designated creative space they did create so much more and it of course enriched their own lives and their relationships with each other. It's interesting because we just got of rid of our cable because sometimes we are lazy and cannot make ourselves turn off the tv, so we just decided to get rid of our cable and i'd really like to see if there is way we can make 'creative space' for both me and mike.

so those are my thoughts. i think we should all have space to think and create. happy creating.

10 months and eight teeth

Kael, is now 10 months old and he has eight teeth...:) i can't believe how old he is already. the past few days he seems even more interactive with other people....smiling at the store or the library, getting excited to see other babies...he's so loveable. i wish you all could know him right now. i feel sad for him that not many people get to see him grow up. or maybe i feel sad for me that i don't get to show him off to as many people as i'd like since we don't live by all of you.

takes time i guess

so..we got back from boston and i worked a full week, it felt more than normal but it was just three very long days and then i had the weekend completely off. ;my parents came down yesterday and spent the day with us. soo great ot have my parents here. They got to hang out with kael i nour house and watch him crawl around and climb up everything. We also took him swimming at their hotel pool..and that was fun, Kael's first time swimming. he seemed to like it. he didn't hate it. :) he had fun with grandma and grandpa. and so did i.

but today i feel a bit discouraged again by how long it takes to get to know people. I should feel encouraged, me and mike were invited to dinner by another couple in the church, and another lady int e church asked for my phone number so that me and kael coud come over and hang out with her and her two children. so that's good, people are still wanting to get to know us or make the effort i just struggle with not being known. i feel like i'm having an identiy crisis....not really a crisis but i havea lot of questions going on in my own head, things i want to talk about. sorry to keep talking about all fo htis, i feel like that's all i talk about lately, i don't mean to be so negative. it's just one of those days.......

but today kael seems even more like a little boy. today in church he was smiling at everyone and laughing and this afternoon he took a 2 hr nap!! a miracle...so with kael it's a good day.

boston

Our trip to Boston. While there i had no internet access so i'm catching up on everyone's blogs and now i'll have to give the highlights of our trip.

1. Kael, cute as he is. all bundled up here cause it was cold the first few days..Anyways...kael threw up all over mike on the plane. He had eaten a jar and a half of bananas before we flew and then on the plane he had some breastmilk and so it all came out on mike while he was trying to get kael to sleep....it is funny now. i wish we had a picture there was banana/puke all over mike and kael. And of course the one time i didn't pack an entire extra outfit for kael, i forgot pants...so after that he was in a onesie, socks and a sweatshirt..no pants....and mike was soaking wet.

2. the Boston Public Garden, where all the nice scenic pics of our family are taken. I would go there almost every morning. I would grab a coffee from starbucks and go to the park and sit there for at least an hour, until kael would get antsy to keep moving. it was so relaxing, and peaceful for me.

3. i walked all around boston. the downtown is so small that i was able to see all different parts of the city, i sat in parks along the charles river, walked cobblestone streets, the italian section of town with narrow streets, the 'posch' part of the city with studio apartments that rented for $1500. i loved how the city was new, but there was so much history there as well.

4. we went along most of the freedom trail and toured the Massachusetts States House which was amazing.

5. We visited the Cheers Bar. ( which inspired the tv show cheers..) and had such juicy yummy burgers and nice Boston Sam Adams beers and then when we went to pay, the waitress informed us that the guy sitting next to us ( who we found out , his wife is due in a month with their first baby) Paid for our entire dinner.

6. just getting to hang out and be on vacation with my beautiful son and my amazing husband, who by the way, is the best Father. the pic of him and kael is on Father's day. Mike truly is such an amazing dad. He cares and loves Kael soo much, it is inspiring to watch.

in the first pic you can see kaels' little hand, he is in the ergo on mike's back. :)