what to say

i've been meaning to post for days, but everytime i sit down and try to write nothing comes out. right now it's 530 am....couldn't sleep cause my stomach hurt and i was hungry, so i got up to have some oatmeal crisp and then head back to sleep....there is actually a thunderstorm here in vancouver right now too..it's kind of soothing, i miss thunderstorms alot. my thoughts are still constantly around having this baby, i feel as if it's the only thing i think about. some days this week were pretty hard, i felt overwhelmed and like i have so much to do...and then i've had some good days where i just don't worry about it...but this morning laying in bed and my stomach hurting, i guess sometimes it just hits me that ths baby could really come anytime and i'm really not ready. not just emotionally, i think emotionally i'm ready, but physically i am not ready. like, we haven't bought diapers yet, or i don't even have the birthing pool and i want to have a water birth.....i guess that's where my trust in God comes into play...i have to trust that he'll help keep labor off a few more days so i can get myself organized and actually be ready to have this baby. it's still so mind blowing that there is a little baby living inside me, that i will be responsible for, he will look like me and mike and will forever be in our hearts. it's all kind of incredible. a miracle......that's why that call it a miracle. God amazes me more and more....how could someone not think there is a God, when the way we are created is miraculous and it happens everyday...everyday women all over the world are giving birth....and it's amazing.

well...those are my thoughts for now.....if anyone still wants to help with the things from the last post, please let me know and please come by. i'm going back to sleep now.