re-evaluate

re-evaluate. that's what i feel like i'm going to be doing soon. re-evaluating my whole life. and i guess i feel like i've been doing that a bit more lately anyways. there is something about having kids, that causes you to really think about what's important in life....it isn't money,it isn't getting a cool job, it isn't doing meaningless things.... it isn't necessarily the things you do at all........it's who you are. and some of those things you do in life are very important 'things' that come out of who you are....but honestly, look at your life and think about dying.........at the end of your life, what is important?? to be honest, i really didn't want kids right away, i wanted 5 years with me and mike and then kids, i thought that having kids would take away my identity, and sometimes i still get scared because it seems like it consumes you ...that being a mother isn't just one of the 'hats' you wear, it becomes a very big part of who you are...and it is then something you will forever be. you aren't just a 'mother' for a short time, it isn't just a role for a season..i will be a mother for the rest of my life...the little guy inside me will always carry a part of my heart from now on. ....as will every other child i have. but i know God has been working and i'm so excited to be a mother, i'm excited that my life will not just be about me, it will be about caring for someone else, it's a huge responsisiblity to be a parent, i will have the ability to shape his life in a way that no one else can. And i'm excited because i love my family, i love my mom and dad and brother, i love that they are in my life and i miss them. And i'm excited to begin my own family because that is what i treasure the most. I know God has 'more' for me than just being a mother, but being a mother is also a huge part of what He has for me......
so i guess those are some of my thoughts lately.....my musings....