life is moving fast

life is moving fast. it really is. i am due in only two short months. soon our baby will be with us. it's starting to really be real. He moves alot now and because He is getting bigger and doesn't have tons of room to move, when he does move i can see it. My belly changes shape or just moves when he's dancing around in there. it's fun.
and this next weekend jamie and craig are getting married. it doesn't seem like that long ago they got engaged....(well it does in a way) but i can't believe it's finally here. Emily comes tomorrow and Jamie's mom is staying with us, so it'll seem alot more real when it's all about the wedding next week.
and i feel as if i've been on an emotional roller coaster. i've been trying to figure out if it's all emotions because i'm pregnant or if being pregnant highlights the areas that you are already sensitive about and maybe God could use the opportunity to work through some of this stuff with me and then i just wouldn't have the emotions about them at all?? Does that make sense?? it's weird, i feel as if if there is lots of information on pregnancy and they say it's normal to being emotional and for pregnancy to bring up personal issues again such as body image and past abuse stuff.....they say that in general about all women it's not just christian's saying that..but then of course because i am a christian I wonder if it's God's way of using the time of your life to highlight areas you may need a little more healing in etc....so that you can be a healthier parents, a healthier person in general in your marriage, in your life and with your children. one thing i've realized in all of this, is that i feel guilty for everything. i feel guilty about us struggling financially, like somehow it's my fault. i feel guilty about not eating well for the baby, i feel guilty that i'm not 'doing' enough. guilt guilt guilt. i swim in it. my fingers are pruny from swimming in it and i don't want to be like this anymore. so it comes and goes the emotions of it all....today has been a good day, just tired. but i'm still enjoying the sleep i do get now because i know when the little bambino arrives i will get even less sleep....well those are my thoughts for now..