it's so weird, how when things are rough, i actually want to blog, because i feel so lonely lately that it seems like i'm actually sharing with 'friends' what is going on when it put on my blog. But in truth, i actually need to reach out to people....not that those who read this aren't people. but i need to make myself vulnerable enough to reach out to and talk to specific friends....
and this week was horrible...well, the week wasn't actually horrible it's just that all my feelings hit the surface ( as well as i'm sure prego hormones mixing in with the feelings that were already there) anyways..so tuesday i just 'lost it' in a way, i broke down crying to mike, very frustrated with my life, or lack of, frustrated with having no friends with my whole life revolving around kael and mike ( even though i love them dearly of course) and i'm ready to quit work, working while pregnant is not fun, in fact it's getting more difficult to wake up at 415 am and then stand for 8 1/2 hrs....so in the midst of this crying, mike had to go pay a bill, and while he was out, someone knocked on the door and delivered flowers. My friend Eva, from Scotland, didn't even know what was going on with me, sent me flowers with a note that said 'Jessi, just wanted you to know how wonderful and special you are. I treasure your friendship. love you lots. love, eva' and of course that sent me over the edge as well and i bawled some more. it's amazing how just when you need a friends words can just be exactly what you needed to hear. God knew too. so, thanks to my friend eva.....it meant to so much.
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