so.....we have decided and it has been recommended that we stay another 6 months...i know it is the right decision to make, it will make sure we get mike's visa, and it wil help us save up for a downpayment for a house...but in all honesty..it's so hard for me to adjust to the thought that we will be here for another 6 months..i'm bored right now. not having our own place is getting to me, i like having my own space..i like cooking meals..i like going a whole day and not seeing anyone but mike and kael. i love being a mom, but i'm finding it hard having nothing else to do, eating all of our meals with my in-laws ( they are very nice people) i just want my own dinner time with my own family, i want to cook a meal just for us and be able to share with mike all the funny things kael did that day......i want to relax....i dont' want to make small talk everyday....i want a place of my own..see right now, we have one room, which is always a mess because its small and cramped and i'm not sure what else to do..we don't have a kitchen that i can cook in...i have to either run up and down stairs or down the hall or both for a cup of tea, i have to drag the moniter with me everywhere cause i can't hear kael if he cries...the thought of the next 6 months being like this is driving me a bit mental..but i know God can do miracles..so i want to see one..i want to see Him provide a little more space for our family...all this moving doens't make sense to me...anyone have any theories on why our life has been this way?? i'm confused and yet i will praise God, i will trust that He has to come up with a solution....
don't worry i'm not depressed or anything and i love kael to pieces..i enjoy having lunchtimes with mike and evenings....we make do..but i need a change..i need something different.
1 comment:
Hi Jess, it sounds to me like marrying someone from a different culture is finally catching up to you! I think more than anything else, you have been living in a continual state of "culture shock" for the past 6 years. Single and married, you learned how to just deal with it. Now you're a mom, and everything changes - including your coping skills and how you learn to adapt to situations. Basically, I think you're just plain tired and feeling restless and unsettled. You're walking through the desert - dry heat - with an oasis that you can just barely see - but it's still far, far away - and you're losing the energy to keep walking? All I can say is that "in a dry and weary land, God's comfort remains". Maybe now's a time to learn or try new things? Write songs, books, learn an instrument, new craft, classes online. Hmmmmm...
And maybe instead of feeling like you're waiting, stuck in an in-between place... you can use the small opportunities to bring LIGHT to others right there in Scotland. They're there, all around you dear one. People that need Jesus - that need HOPE. Keep walking, and press on...
I love you! Emilie
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