first tooth

kael got his first tooth. no wonder he was screaming in the night.
we went away for the weekend to this Loch and stayed in a Log Cabin. It was gorgeous, so relaxing and restful. And kael slept like a dream. so amazing. i got so much sleep, and felt great. and i didn't have to cook, it really was a vacation. here are some pics of us on our weekend.
kael loves to grab your face. there is he grabbing his grandpa's face.

i'm stealing jamies test.....here's mine

well, i thought it was so much fun taking jamie's test i thought i'd do my own..


www.testriffic.com/friendtest/2514901
i can't get it to go so you can click on it......so you might have to cut and paste..sorry...

self -confidence

So, i've had a recent revelation. it might seem like common sense or maybe you hadn't thought about it at all..but this is my revelation: it takes alot of self-confidence to be a mom.
confidence to raise your kid the way you think is best for your kid. confidence to do the right thing. you know in high school when there's the 'cool' kids, and the jocks, etc...there are different groups, well partly i feel like in motherhood there is that too....there is the 'attachement parenting' group, there is the Baby Wise people, those that immunize , those that don't. etc etc.....and it's a bit like peer pressure, or the thought that maybe i'm doing the wrong thing, should i be doing something else. And maybe other mothers dont actually struggle with this,but i've realized in the past 6 months my own fear of what people think in regards to some things, For example: (living in community...there is a woman who lives right across from us who can hear every cry and wecan hear her cough) and i'm afraid that if kael cries she's going to think i'm a bad parent, stupid, i know. but these thought have crossed my mind. why do i care? i don't know. but i want to not care and i want to do what is right for kael, do my best, and not worry what others think, just know that I love him and I am not a bad parent.
looking back on this time i feel like God is just wanting me to become myself. and to let go of a few things. it's so easy to judge when we are on the outside looking in, or just so easy to idealize certain things, and i've had to let go of some of those things...like making my own baby food, it's something i really wanted to do...but since we have no kitchen it's a bit hard, so i gave in and bought jarred food and kael is fine, and he likes it. Also, i didn't want him to use a dummy, (pacificer, soother, Nuk, etc) but i'm so glad that he does, otherwise he would really like to be nursing all day long....
so i've determined that there is no formula, there is wisdom you can learn from other people, but at the end of the day, you have to be confident in your ability to raise your own kid. Be humble enough to learn from others, and be strong enough to do the right thing. so those are my thoughts for today.

confessions

so..i had this revelation the other day of my own selfishness. (and actually this post doesn't have to do with being a mom) i get so weird about my brithday every year, i wonder ' who will remember me, who will forget me' i compare what mike gets from people to what i get. i remember how much money he gets and how little i get....i'm weird, i don't know why and i don't like it. and then the other day i remembered it was henri's birthday....too late though because her birthday had already come and gone, and i didn't email her and it was too late to send something ( i'm in the UK, she in canada) so feel like a jerk, and as well, joanna's birthday is right after mine 4 days after mine. And she sent me a lovely ecard on my birthday, did i remember her birthday? no. i've only managed to remember one person's birthday this month ( my brother's girlfriend) And the thing that really bugs me is that people did not forget me, i got tons of ecards, i got emails, jamie and henri sent over a package with randy and had him mail it to me in scotland, last year when i was in scotland the base sent with my team a whole folder of cards.....it seems like i'm very hyporitical if i'm so worried about what people will do for me and i don't even think of them sometimes. i just want to say i'm sorry to henri and joanna...do not take it as a reflection of what you mean to me, i love you both very much and you are very special to me. i am determined to do better this year in that area, and next year to not be so selfish when it comes to my brithday. i want to stop looking for disappointment..and start celebrating..especially other people.
that's all for now..
here's a comic book pic of kael. more pictures coming soon.

i'm so tired

kael has decided that he woud like to cry and scream in the middle of the night, and that he doesn't want to settle when you try to sooth him...and then if you do happen to get him calmed down he will fall asleep in your arms and refuse to be put down, as soon as his little body touches his crib, he's back to screaming.....3 or 4 times maybe you'll get him down and then when we both are so tired that i just nurse him at around 4 or 5 or 6 am...he stays there for about 2 hrs...so i don't sleep very well...
i'm tired, my eyes are burning and my back hurts...someone help me!!! please pray for Kael to be at peace and sleep and then i will be able to sleep as well and mike as well..:)

little things

Today I was writing in my journal…and I felt as if I had nothing really to say , even in my journal, even just to myself. I’ve never felt this way about Friday’s before..i used to love my work, I loved working with ywam, so it never felt as if ….ooh thank God it’s Friday……but now since I don’t enjoy so much being away from mike or the cleaning that I do for work during the week, and also I’ve been exercising and I don’t enjoy it ( I like that I’m doing it, but I definitely don’t enjoy it) anyways….by Friday my body is exhausted, I don’t get much done on Friday’s. I just read, play with kael and cook….i might even nap with kael…I’m just so tired by the time Friday comes….so Saturday is my favorite day of the week, no exercising, no work, mike is home with me and if kael is up a lot through the night, it doesn’t matter we can be as lazy as we want…
Anyways…..so I was thinking, who am I meant to be? And then I realized I am not ‘meant’ to be anything, I am who I am. And I just have to let myself be myself. Does that make sense? It makes sense to me, I just have to allow myself to enjoy the things I love, to go after the things I want to do/accomplish/be part of …and I just be me. I feel like that should be super easy but for some reason I don’t feel like it’s that easy. So then I was making a list of things I enjoy..little things, simple things not great big ‘visions or dreams’ I have…but just me. So I thought I’d share some of them with you…….i enjoy..
A really good cup of coffee, especially if it is accompanied by something lke cheesecake, chocolate or shortbread cookies….i do enjoy cooking and baking yummy food and of course eating it. Beautiful things, photographs, landscape, paintings, etc..
Book that sucks you right into ti’s pages, that you don’t want to put it down, you think about the characters when you are not reading the book….( this is good too with a cup of coffee)
Magazines….i could buy magazines all the time if they weren’t so expensive….
Going ‘out for coffee’ with a good friend….talking, real talking, not superficial small talk,
Being alone in the house, no one around, no responsibilities, no chores…..just able to do whatever I want…( I haven’t known that feeling for awhile) but I will again one day.
Having dinner with my family, especially right after my dad is back from a trip, we usually have yummy food, like steak and there is lots of catching up….(with coffee afterwards of course)
These might all seems like superficial things…but there are what came to mind, there are all the obvious things I enjoy that I’m not going to go into (like mike and kael and so much about them and my relationship with them) these are just the simple things. Hope you all get to do something today that you enjoy, that just makes you feel like ‘you’.

nothing big

wel....after that last post, i think he slept another great night and now he has not been so great at sleeping..the past few nights have been a bit difficult. so me and mike are operating on not very much sleep. it's not so bad but some mornings it' shard to get out of bed, but no matter what he's like in the middle of the night, in the morning, he's smiling and talking to himself and wants you to get up and play with him....and you can't help but fall in love with him all over again. my eyes are burning cause i am so tired, but life goes on. i'm not really taht upset about it. i don't have much 'work ' to do this week, so i can sit an denjoy kael and read and take naps with him if i need to. i'm dreaming about finally getting a place, last night i went to sleep dreaming about bedding and decorating. one month from today and we get to go back to the states..i'm so excited. and in less than 2 weeks we at least get to move upstairs where we will have our own flat, ( our own bedroom and one for kael, and a kitchen, living room and a table to eat at) oohhh the luxury. it's amazing how you appreciate the small things.
congrats to my dear friends wade ad jo who gave birth to a lovely baby girl....wish i could be there to see her, hold her and cook and clean for you ....love you dearly!!!!!
well, that's about it, nothing big, not much new.

minor miracle..:)

last night, kael slept more hours in a row than he has any other night and not in our bed!! he went to sleep at 630. slept until 11:30 i fed him and he went back to sleep .no crying! then slept until 3am, i fed him again and he woke up at 8am for the morning...
i haven't slept that many hours in a row since my early pregnancy..:) i feel much better.....sleep is a wonderful thing...
here''s a pic..he's going to start eating soon, maybe today or tomorrow.. fun times, he's so great and cute...i love him. i'll post some more pics soon...

another year has come and gone.....and i'm 27

27 is kind of a weird age. it seems alot older than 26, it definitely feels closer to 30. and i was thinking..what have i done with my life?? i am married and i do have a kid..so that is something...ut it's not like you can really set out to accomplish those things..either you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with or you dont'..and once you find them, you actually take the plunge....and having a kid...well, that was hard work and still is...but so worth it. my first birthday as a mom...:) kind of funny..he was pretty good, i even got a card from him ( of course he doesn't know that....and mike wrote in it..but sweet none the less) we spend the day in glasgow,...nice to get out of here for awhile.....sent to starbucks..so yummy and such a treat...and mike ran into a guy he went to morocco with..that was fun. and let's see.....he's out getting a movie for us right now, as little kael is sleeping...we are just spending the evening in..having yummy treats and relaxing..kael is already sleeping so that's nice. i got some nice cards from people..no presnts though...my mom's package didn't come.....and mike is just giving me money cause he was goign to buy me a nice watch but our budget is a bit tight and scotland isn;'t that cheap.....so you know, but i have some cash to buy something i want..i just don't know what i want....anyways.....birthdays for me are always a little bit of happiness and dread all mixed in one.....i feel like somethign must've happened to me at some pont in my life because my biggest fear and disappointment is being forgotten or feeling not important.....i knew i wasn't anything this year though, and i tried to really not let things get to me.i just wanted to enjoy the day..and for the most part i did, there was one little thing that got to me and i cried but i'm not letting it take over my day. or my night. as a mother it's weird to think that on this day 27 years ago my mother gave birth to me, not just me, but that she went through labor..:) it really is miracle giving birth and life and God is amazing really. ( my mom only had about 4 hrs of labor as oppossed to my 39 or something..lucky her) anyways....thanks mom for giving birth, thanks for choosing to have me, when others did not keep theirs, thanks for loving me then and now and i know you will love me always..i appreciate you in more ways than ever now that i have a baby. and thanks for loving my child....and dad. thanks to you too, i woudn't be here without either one of you..:) well my dear friends and family..i miss you today.

Well.....i've been reading, well i read, i finished it in two days..the book 'Wanting all the Right things' and it has spoken to exactly where i have been at recently....it was so refreshing and i feel like i'm renewed a bit. In lots of ways. i think mostly just that it wasn't me alone feelng all these things..even my friend heather's blog..i can relate to ( although i do not have twins, so i'm only half as tired/busy etc as she might be) The book is about 'finding a spiritual, blanced and fulfilled ' life
she talks about how we have all these desires for lives of significance, beauty, solitude, intimacy, financial security, etc etc..
the part i could relate to was about how we we all want to be great mothers, great wives, we want to love and serve our family but we feel guilty if we also want to pursue things outside of them..but she said something that really made sense to me....the whole chapter goes into a lot more...but one line that made sense to me was

'don't our children need to see their mothers enjoying parenting and their own adult interests simultaneously? Isn't there enough time in the day to love our kids and ourselves?

there is so much more to it than that about how we feel guilty if we are 24/7 doing something productive/active with or for our kids. how we have this attitude of putting our lives on hold for them until we have 50 yrs old.

i do not want to put my life on hold..i want to enjoy my life with mike and kael. and my own life. I also got an email from my aunt penny and she really encouraged me..she said "You have great instincts and you will do fine. It is great to get lots of advice (info) on how to raise Kael but you in your heart will know whats right.....you have a fantastic foundation from which to base all your decisions on and a great mom and dad to always help. You will do fine."
it was very encouraging.....my mom said similiar things about how we can read all these books and hear all this advice but really in our hearts we know what the right thing to do with our children is...
so that's my thoughts lately...feeling much better and having more energy and feeling more positive......

missing my friends

i'm missing my friends...i feel like all my posts are negative lately ..i feel like i don't have much to say...i feel like i don't really want to be honest on here either. My life isn't all bad...i love my husband and chilld soooo much....kael is so adoreable...he is reaching for things alot now and he's fascinated by watching us eat or drink anything...he just stares..even if he's a little fussy..it' holds his attention and he watches us put these things in our mouth and even sometimes he mimics our mouths.....soo cute! and also, when he's sitting on my lap and i'm wearing my pj's with snowflakes on them, he tries to grab the snowflakes......it's so funny..he grabs at everything..the other day he got a handful of mike's eggs..:) i love him, i love seeing him change and grow.
i wish i had some friends around to share it all with...for you to see him change and grow aas well..i 'm really missing my community in vancouver, i think i took it forgranted when i was there..i knew i appreciated it , especially after kael was born...and so many people brought us meals...people we didn't even know....but too many times i stayed home when i should've called friends...when i should've gone to see my friends..just stopped by their houses more often....ooh how i miss you ....
i want to share my life with people...(besides my immediate family) i know we will again soon..we are eager to get settled , find a church, meet people, make the effort to make friends....we our looking forward to new lives....even though we miss our old lives alot.
i want other moms' around, to really talk about baby's and to ask my questions to about kael, not just people's advice...i want someone to talk about my own feelings with.....you know, like friends, good friends.i'm lonely ( i know it will end, it will pass, etc etc.....this is just how i've been feeling lately...) i think that's all i'll say for now...,(ps my friend kristin took this pic of me..and some more of me at the very end of my pregnancy....they turned out beautiful....i miss her too...:)

advice and being almost 27

well..i was just wondering tonight, do people ever think you know anything..i sometimes wonder that. especially when it comes to kids...i know that people want to be helpful, but sometimes it seems as if they think they know what's best for you and your kid, sometimes i really second guess myself about being a mother, i feel as if,' do i really know what i'm doing' am i doing things right?? is the rest of my life going to be like this??? i hope not. i hope i can realize that i will just do my best....
but you know, there are things i have questions about....and sometimes i'm not sure who to ask, because often you get 10 different opinions from 10 different people.....sometimes i'm so afraid to say what we are doing with kael because of what people will think..will they judge me?? will they think i'm a bad mother?? and this community living thing, i feel it all the time, not from anyone else..it's like a voice in my head that says..do more, do better...but i just want to be honest.
like right now...we are trying to get to kael to go to sleep on his own...it's a hard thing foor us...he doesn't fall asleep on his own, he was on a schedule in wisconsin and he was taking 2-3 naps a day for at least an hour and was goign to bed earlier and would go down pretty easy but would wake up every hour wanting to be fed or just comforted...when we came back to scotland it got worse, he didn't handle the time change well..and neither did me and mike really.....but we are in more of a routine now..all of us, so he is waking up earlier ( the first few days he slept til 10, 1pm, and noon..) and he is taking three naps a day, one hour one in the morning, one 30-60min, and then another one for 1 -1 1/2 hrs....so that's better..but he's not going down easy, he screams, cries, tries to push himself away from me, cause he knows i'm going to feed him, then rock him to sleep....and he doesn't want to fall asleep , it's like he's fighting it really hard, but i know if i don't persist he'll just get fussier and crabbier..but he doesn't seem all that happier now that he's napping better.....not like he was just over a week ago....i dont know...so the question is..do we let him cry it out at night, are there other things we can try.....i read the no cry sleep solution, and another book that is for cry it out..i'm confused, so many differing opinions...it's hard when he cries not to think that i'm scarring him, but so many of my friends at home encouraged me to let him cry and that it is hard initially but it pays off soon, and they all struggled with it too...some had to leave the house cause it was too hard to hear....i just want to be a good mother, i want kael to know He can trust me, that I"m safe, but i also want him to sleep...and to be a happier kid like he was before..ahh....parenting is such a personal thing but i don't feel like i can do it on my own and i don't really want to...
and as i was thinking about people always giving advice, iwas thinking..i'm turning 27 soon, i know it's young, but it sounds kind of old to me, and will it ever stop....how old do i have to be before people think i might know something??

here's an older pic of us as well..me and my new glasses and kael looking not too happy..:) but he's cute even when he's not smiling...ooh i love him!!!

snowboarding....

so...now that i have a computer...internet access more accessible at least..i can give you a few more updates from my time at home....
one update i thought rachel, audrey and jamie would be especially proud of me for...while we were my whole famiy went to the ski hill...myself, mike, mom, dad andy and jen...and i decided to try snowboarding...i didn't do so well. i was on my butt most of the time but i did try. i wanted to go again but it didn't work out. andy and jen were snowboarding past me and my parents were skiing around me asking if i was ok,..but i managed to do it...the bunny hilll at least. so that's my big news. i got to see my friends emily and shelley when i was home....that was fun....we even had a game time with a bunch of friends....umm let's see...i can't really think of much else..except little highlights like my mom being awake in the morning and offering to hang out with kael and letting me go back to sleep...that was especially nice at 5am. umm...getting to wach tv, i was addicted to the home and garden channel when i was home. ( we don't have tv here) and just getting to hang out with mike...and sitting around. so that's the update for christmas..

so...now we are back in scotland. i have started a part time job. this building that mike's dad is in is so big and there is so much going on that they usually hire a cleaner...so i'm the new cleaner i get paid by the project so it doesn't matter how many times i have to stop to feed, change hold kael. which is good...so i've been going two days now and it's definitely making my life a full time...so i'm tired. and jet lag is a killer...no one can tell me it isn't real (Randy)....cause i have a baby and it's real, it definitely screws up his schedule..he was doing so good in tomahawk, taking naps, going to sleep easy..and now it's hard wrk trying to get him back into a routine but we are working on it..tonight is much better he went to sleep at 8 and we'll see if he sleeps for awhle at least..

here's an old pic of him from before we left for christmas
well that's all for now..sorry i haven't been too good at keeping in touch or keeping this thing updated...i miss my friends..

where has the time gone?

well...i know i haven't blogged in awhile. while we were at my parents i just couldn't handle the dial up connection and so i hardly went on the computer and there was no way i was going to try and update this. So, .....christmas was great, i was so happy to be home with my family....it;s just so nice to be home. And for christmas i got lots of great gifts...and a got a macbook pro :) yeah!! from mike, i got it a little early and i knew i was getting it but it's still a great present!!!! and an espresso maker and scrapbooking stuff, books, movies, etc.....you know the usual.....and my dad got kael a violin!! there is a pic of the two of them. my dad got himself one as well and has been practicing and i think he sounds pretty good. So, when kael is older he'll be able to learn from his grandpa and my dad gave us money to put away for violin lessons for when he gets older...
i'm sure there is more to update but that's just a little update for now.....we are back in scotland..and gettin adjusted again, kael and the rest of us are suffering from jet lag...and it isn't easy on his sleep.... or on any of us...but i'm sure he'll adjust again soon...that's all for now.

leave for home soon.

we leave on thursday for the states and i am so excited..just another pic of kael. i gotta go now, he's crying

Kael Pics

correction

Henri is still in ywam, working of course with randy with ywam nexia...so sorry about that. just wanted to correct my post below.

rachel's partner (or BF)

Hello. Well......this weekend has been absolutely great. And actually since my last post i've had a few emails and comments from people and i tend to agree witheveryone..i think it is a mixture of things we have choosen...(by choosing to leave ywam and live in the states it takes some work to mike's visa....etc..) and also i am tired, and having a kid does just bring your life under a new perspective and in my case that means, i want some more space of our own and i want a home..and in the long run, six months here isn't that long if it will help us save up money toward a house and let us get mike's visa.....so i'm adjusting to the idea, i think i will take other people's comments and maybe take some online courses or try to work on some creative ventures while being a mom....
so that's that...and now this weekend ..friday night, we picked up Rachel, Henri and Rachel's Boyfriend from the train station in Glasgow..headed to starbucks to catch up ...and then came backk to the house..played dutch blitz and after we were all tired....headed to our rooms....Because this is a big place there are lots of rooms, so one of the girls put nametags on the rooms and on Tim's room (rachels' boyfriend) it said:
rachel's partner...:) and they couldn't remember Henri's name so on their room it said Rachael and her friend..:) we thought it was pretty funny.
and it was just soo relaxing to be with my friends again....to hang out, we went bowlling and the boys kicked our butts...but we still had a great time.....and since none of us are i ywam, we could think about doing stuff ad not worry about the money so much....i feel like it was a good break for me, to be with people where i feel myself, peope that know me.
and here are my thoughts on rachel's boyfriend.....
i really like him. i forgot to get a picture of him....but he's good looking and really nice. He's quieter..but maybe that's cause he didn't really know us and in a way i felt bad for him cause alot of times we were talking about things that he didn't know about or people....but it's okay, cause another part of the time i was the oddball cause they were reminiscing about shows from here they used to watch and since i'm the only non-british one among them i had no clue what they were talking about....

but anyways, back to rachel's partner...i can't say that i got to know him tons but what i saw i really liked him....i think they are very good together, he seems to really care about her and they are very relaxed together. overall i approve. :) so that's my weekend......and now mike's sister is coming today actually....the first time kael will see his aunt lisa. fun times......ell my friends i miss you all too bad you all weren't here for a wonderful dutch blitzed filled weekend.
i'll post pics soon ..

bored

so.....we have decided and it has been recommended that we stay another 6 months...i know it is the right decision to make, it will make sure we get mike's visa, and it wil help us save up for a downpayment for a house...but in all honesty..it's so hard for me to adjust to the thought that we will be here for another 6 months..i'm bored right now. not having our own place is getting to me, i like having my own space..i like cooking meals..i like going a whole day and not seeing anyone but mike and kael. i love being a mom, but i'm finding it hard having nothing else to do, eating all of our meals with my in-laws ( they are very nice people) i just want my own dinner time with my own family, i want to cook a meal just for us and be able to share with mike all the funny things kael did that day......i want to relax....i dont' want to make small talk everyday....i want a place of my own..see right now, we have one room, which is always a mess because its small and cramped and i'm not sure what else to do..we don't have a kitchen that i can cook in...i have to either run up and down stairs or down the hall or both for a cup of tea, i have to drag the moniter with me everywhere cause i can't hear kael if he cries...the thought of the next 6 months being like this is driving me a bit mental..but i know God can do miracles..so i want to see one..i want to see Him provide a little more space for our family...all this moving doens't make sense to me...anyone have any theories on why our life has been this way?? i'm confused and yet i will praise God, i will trust that He has to come up with a solution....
don't worry i'm not depressed or anything and i love kael to pieces..i enjoy having lunchtimes with mike and evenings....we make do..but i need a change..i need something different.

visitors and more pics.

hello all. well, i've just had almost a whole week of visitors....so that definitely makes the time go by faster but more important than that..i get to see people i love and care about. Last weekend our friends Rodney and Eva came down with their adoreable little girl Abby....she's 9 months old and i can't believe how much she's moving around, she tries to put everything in her mouth...everything...she was touching our toes and licking people's shoes..trying to put my slippers in her mouth....she's so cute..
and of course we loved hanging out with our friends.....and then on monday my friend from norway, (that i met in mexico) Franziska came....and it was so nice to be able to see her, to hear how she is doing, to hear her heart....we went to the sea and hada little bit of time there before the rain came pouring down on us...it was a great adventure trying to find our way around the little back roads of Scotland...but we managed and had a wonderful time..
now it's me and kael again. and mike of course...and this weekend, we are planning on doing nothing but vegging...me and mike and kaell.....watching movies, eating...and relaxing.....
so i hope you enjoy your weekend as well.....

kael

well here are a few pics of kael.....
so, i've just decided to enjoy my time here.....the enjoy the little things to just take it day by day.......this week has gone by so fast. not much more time before christmas..right now we are not sure if we will be coming back here after christmas or not...we'll see..anyways.......here's my baby...isn't he cute??

open season

friday night i actually got to leave the house wtihout the baby....and it's such a great thing to have a break. i love my son so much..but it's nice. so me and mike went to open season while the grandparents watched the little one...it was a funny movie and it was nice to be able to sit through a whole movie and not have to get up for something......and then when we got home of course i missed him and it's been a great weekend, we have just been hanging out , i've gotten to catch up on some emails....and we bought 24 season 5 on itunes...so we're in the process of downloading those and watching them.......sooo good....fun times. kael is smiling so much..it's so great...he's such a chunker it's awesome.
anyways.....that's all....

the role of motherhood.

the funny thing about the title of this post and the whole concept is that i have tried to start this blog at least 4 times.....but who's counting. finally it's almost 530pm and for once kael is really sleeping...probably cause he is so tired from only having short naps all day long...ones that don't really count and then gets so fussy cause he's tired.
ANYWAYS....being a stay at home mom is alot more work than i thought it would be. and for me at the moment, it's not really 'work' like housework...i don't have a kitchen so i can't really make meals..(we mostly eat with george and jo..except sometimes we eat on our own if i cook in their kitchen which is upstairs..) laundry is down the hall...and i've gotten to do two loads..but one stayed in the dryer for days cause i just didn't have time to go get it....

i'm alone so much, holding him either sleeping or eating that i have finished 4 books since i have been here and this afternoon i just couldn't bring myself to read anything else, so i just took a nap with him until he really fell asleep and then here i am, finally getting to write on this blog.

it's harder than i thought. i feel like i need a break and it's only been a week. This afternoon took forever

anyways....i guess i am cooking tonight. so i have to go.

We are in scotland!! sorry it's been so long since we've been able to update. But we are here now. In scotland..we arrived safely,everything went well...kael was a great traveler. So we arrived and are getting settled in...we have our own little suite.....it doesn't have a kitche, but we have a kettle and coffee pot in our room, so we're all set to make tea and coffee. We've got a little couch, a very nice king size bed, flowers, books, a desk for mike to work upstairs if he wants to. It's pretty nice. Mike worked a day and a half last week and already i'm realizing how it's going ot take some getting used to for me. I don't really have anything to do during the day but read, so i've already finished one book and halfway through the second....i think i'll be picking up some more books at the charity shops (thrift stores) i'll have to get used to driving on teh other side of the road and i may venture out with kael and at least browse or go to the library, but i'm not sure i want to go to the library with a baby....you know he might cry. anyways....mike is doing well, he's enjoying working and that's nice. there is no tv, so we've watched a few video's and have been reading together more and just hanging out watching kael and saying over and over how much we love him.
we had to delay our trip to scotland because kael's passport didn't come in time, even though we paid for a rush ...so $440 and a week later we finally we're able to leave and kael is officially an american......we know have to see about getting him his british passport...little traveler and he doesn't even know about it or care. so i think that's all for now.

family picture

well....kael is now almost 2 months old...since i'm at my parents, i don't have any new pictures of kael on their computer....

and to give an 'update' we are leaving for scotland now in less than a week. it's going to be an adjustment...mike will be working, i may or maynot be on my own all day with kael. we'll see mike may be able to at least work upstairs with me. i'm looking forward to having a routine...i think the baby needs and it and i think i need it alot.
we're all doing well though.....i've got kael with me right now.
anyways...we've been hanging out with my family...got to see my brother last weekend, he actually babysat and did a great job....i think kael really liked his uncle. And my dad has gotten to hang out with him some as well.....tonight we're having dinner with some friends and they'll get to see him for the first time. i have been watching Home channel on satellite nonstop..it has decorating shows..buying homes....all kinds of things and i'm really looking forward to the day we have our own home. we got enough money to get our video camera, so that arrived today and i'm sure we'll take hours of video of the baby doing nothing.... uumm.....God really really blessed us, especially mike, he was really wanting a mac computer and i just didn't see how that was going to happen....well through a series of emails, his dad ends up offering to buy him one in exchange for mike making some video's for him....easy deal since mike wanted to start making video's anyways...so mike now has a beautiful really nice mac computer....i don't know much about macs but i know he got one of the nicest ones....we are definitely feeling blessed lately. here's a family picture ....i think it's a great picture.:) one of my favorites.......well that's all for now....
love you and miss you all....

family picture

well....kael is now almost 2 months old...since i'm at my parents, i don't have any new pictures of kael on their computer....

and to give an 'update' we are leaving for scotland now in less than a week. it's going to be an adjustment...mike will be working, i may or maynot be on my own all day with kael. we'll see mike may be able to at least work upstairs with me. i'm looking forward to having a routine...i think the baby needs and it and i think i need it alot.
we're all doing well though.....i've got kael with me right now.
anyways...we've been hanging out with my family...got to see my brother last weekend, he actually babysat and did a great job....i think kael really liked his uncle. And my dad has gotten to hang out with him some as well.....tonight we're having dinner with some friends and they'll get to see him for the first time. i have been watching Home channel on satellite nonstop..it has decorating shows..buying homes....all kinds of things and i'm really looking forward to the day we have our own home. we got enough money to get our video camera, so that arrived today and i'm sure we'll take hours of video of the baby doing nothing.... uumm.....God really really blessed us, especially mike, he was really wanting a mac computer and i just didn't see how that was going to happen....well through a series of emails, his dad ends up offering to buy him one in exchange for mike making some video's for him....easy deal since mike wanted to start making video's anyways...so mike now has a beautiful really nice mac computer....i don't know much about macs but i know he got one of the nicest ones....we are definitely feeling blessed lately. here's a family picture ....i think it's a great picture.:) one of my favorites.......well that's all for now....
love you and miss you all....

two years ago today

two years ago today we were married....without the little one even a thought in our mind.
now we are happily married...we are headed to the waters tonight (where we got married) have a jacuzzi tub in our room..mom is going to watch the little one for the evening, and bring him to us later....and we are going to enjoy the day....mike got me a lovely new perfume for a gift.....it smells really yummy .....anyways......i had updated everyone on our trip but then forgot to upload the page and lost it all.....so obviously we got across the border just fine, no problems at all , thans for all of you who prayed! it's a bit surreal this whole thing....i feel like it's finally sinking in that we don't have a 'home' anymore and we will be livign with our 'parents ' for awhile...but there is always positive things in everything, we have live in babysitters, grandparents who love kael to pieces....when i arrived at the airport uncle andy and grandpa bill got to see keal for the first time....it was great! this little guy is going to know he is loved.

are we there yet??

i'm wondering if when i titled my blog a long time ago it became a prophecy or if that's just the way it has been..and the title is just fitting...you know??
our plans are more concrete now but have changed again...here is the plan right now....who knows things could change, but at least for now they seem pretty set...
so , we will still go to wisconsin for october....hang out with my parents...let my dad hang out with his new grandson for awhile....then wewill make scotland home for a little while...mike has been offered a job by his dad to set up an ebay store for him...so that will give us something to do, help us make a bit of money ( means i don't have to work ) and then we can apply for mike's visa while we are there....so we'll still be in wisconsin for christmas but we'll spend a few months in scotland, so after christmas we'll probably go back and once we get mike's visa, we'll come back and finally be ready to live in the states....
it's not exactly what we had in mind when we thought of leaving canada, but there are many positives and we are actually looking forward to it....

so we have two days left here, head for seattle, where i fly home and mike and his dad and wife drive all of our stuff back to wisconsin. so when i get home, i'll be picked up by my brother and dad and they'll get to hang out with kael, we are all looking forward to it.

here's some pics of jamie and kael hanging out....he looks so cool in his shades that mr and mrs church gave him.

Kael's first party

Well, i'm sorry i haven't updated in awhile..for those of you who weren't there.....on Thursday night there was a Welcome To the World party for Kael...hosted by our lovely ywam friends. It was a great night, I personally felt really blessed, as i know mike did as well...and one day i think Kael will too...of course it was nice to see everyone, to have dinner together, lovely to have people hold kael and think he's so cute, and then my favorite was when Don and Gwen led a prayer time for kael, they annointed him with oil and prayed over him. And there were prayers as well that we would know God's love as we are on this journey of being parents, and i know it gives you such a different perspective and we are just at the beginning of this 'parenting' thing. We both felt really blessed by the time, i was reminded that these people really are my family, they have been with me through so much, through singleness, through getting married and that whole journey, and then through my pregnancy....major life changes. and it's nice to be 'known' in those different times.....

life changes

well.....it's almost been three weeks since kael was born. life changes fast. i still can't believe i'm a mom, it's a bit surreal still....i think with all the unknowns of our future it's hard to feel as if we can really settle into a routine. i just realized that we leave in 2 1/2 weeks. it's going to come fast, that's for sure....it is coming fast. i'll give you a bit of an update on our lives.....well it's harder to get Mike a US Visa than we originally thought, and since our Visa here in Canada is up this month, and we aren't staying with YWAM< so we can't get it renewed, we have to leave the country. We should be gone already but it was unrealistic with having the baby ..so october 1st we definitely have to be out of here. But now since it's harder than we realized for Mike to get a visa, well it just takes longer than we thought, so we have to be careful crossing the border, so that he doesn't get rejected and worse case scenario we would have to go back to scotland while we apply for his visa, not something i'm wanting to do......but that is worst case scenario..i kind of feel like it will work out, and we have 'friends' helping us out ...friends who have connections. anyways......life is one big adventure with us..it seems like 'home ' is something that is always changing, always moving, but we sitll have each other..our little family if three now.

kael and daddy

8 lbs 11oz

Well our little guy is quite the eater, he has already gained alot of weight..means he's healthy...the midwife came to see both of us today and she thinks we're doing great. He looks healthy, my incision is healing well. we're doing well as a family. still tired though...adjusting to littler amounts of sleep....and i'm pretty much a homebody..and since we've had lots of visitors it's wearing me out..so if your one of those in town still waiting to see us and we don't return your phone calls or tell you not today, please do not take it personal.....we are very tired from all the visits....we have appreciated so much though everyone's attention and love and food....it means alot that we have such a great community of people here. we are still in awe of our little guy, he's too cute!!!
we think so at least. :)

gramdma left today

well my mom left this morning, it was a tearful goodbye,.she didnt cry, i did....she left us this amazing note last night about being able to be here for the birth and how blessed she was, and then had written out these amazing bible verses for us and kael and really encouraged us as parents.......it was so great having her here although i wish so much it had been longer. i cried alot knowing she was leaving. but today we are doing okay so far. i am pretty tired and so mike watched baby kael and i slept while he slept this morning.....and we went for our first walk today, our little family. here is a picture of baby with his grandma.

KAEL = Celtic name meaning Mighty Warrior, Our son...Kael Asher Oates NOT "Kale" = a form of cabbage.

KAEL ASHER OATES

well.....finally after all of your checking, the baby has arrived. He is here. He is here.
He took his sweet little time.....the entire labor was 39 hrs.....and little Kael tried every possible way to enter the world on his own, but in the end He needed help. So with the help of a very painful c-section, Kael entered the world at 3:13pm August 24th, 2006, weighing 8 lbs, 1 oz. He is beautiful. We had to stay in the hospital for 5 nights, (including the first night of laboring) and today were able to come home. It's so lovely to be home with my new family. we all have new names...mom, dad, grandma,,, and little Kael Asher Oates. Was all worth it.

i'm a house.

mike told me the other day, i was a house ( cause i was so big) and i said, i am a house, for the baby. he lives inside me and has made himself all at home.
and here's a pic from the other day at whiterock where i think i look pretty big.

check out mike's blog

hey, mike actually posted again.....
pray the baby comes tonight.
bye for now

kicked out of our home.

Funny story....on tuesday we got a call from our landlord saying that on wednesday by 1pm we had to leave our house for 24 hrs...because they were going to fumigate for bugs. Mike talked to her and was trying to explain how inconvenient this was because I was due anyday and that i was having a homebirth, so what was i suppossed to do if i went into labor. But it seemed as if we didnt' really have a choice. So our landlord booked us into a hotel and yesterday at 1pm we had to leave our house, so me, mike and my mom went around vancouver, went to stanely park, out for yummy cheesecake at true confections.....checked into our hotel, went out to dinner (thanks to our landlord as well) and then vegged and wateched tv at our hotel...and luckily i didn't go into labor and it was just fine. there was no pool in our hotel, but it was kind of nice anyways......and we got a free dinner out of it. so now we're back home and this little baby is free to come out.
i'll keep you all posted.

my mom

my mom is here. she arrived today. ahhhh..you know what this means....the baby really is ready to arrive, it's all coming together. i'm pretty much ready to have this baby......it's so nice to have my mom here. we picked her up and it's so fun to have her at 'our' place, our very own home.....she has her own guest room, she brought us cheese from wisconsin....and we have just been able to relax with her. i love being around my mom, we've got a fun trip planned for tomorrow....a trip to white rock, hang out on the beach....enjoy the sunshine.....and not be in labor..i can go into labor another day..just not tomorrow...:) anyways, my mom is great and it brings me lots of peace to have her here.

human sex trafficking

me and mike rented this movie this week..human trafficking. it's hard to watch but i recommend it....it brings up the real issue of human trafficking. And it's so interesting because me and mike watched it this week and then on the news twice there have been stories regarding human trafficking, one woman right here in vancouver was beaten almost to death with a machette, then in seattle and LA they found containers full of woman being trafficked into the country. Then as well on csi miami me and mike were watching, it was about woman being trafficked in as well, to be used for prostitution. it's crazy how much it has come up, it definitely has gotten our attention, i've always wanted to be able to do something to help but never really sure what to do. But it's amazing how it seems as if God brings something in front of your face and really gets your attention....it's gotten both mike and i's attention...we are hoping God helps us a find a way to help these women..or stop this horrible thing that is happening all over all the time.

changes again......

no baby yet. i'm guessing people check my blog everyday just to see if we've had the baby yet.....i think it will be soon, but not yet.
so those of you who check mike's myspace thing and have read his blog, know that there are more changes than the baby coming in our lives......we are moving as well. i think it's funny that the title of my blog is ' are we there yet?' because it seems as if we are constantly on the move. We are now moving countries one more time....this time not across any oceans just across North America back to the MN/WI region of the world. Close to my parents, yet still in a city, not back to Tomahawk. Mike and I have been praying for some time about our life, and direction and with ywam and the church and everything here.....we really were seeking God and it seems as if He has been leading us to make thismove for al ittle while and now that we have it makes sense. We will be leaving ywam, and starting a new life really. It's scary and exciting all at once. It's definitely hard to know what life will be like with a new baby...but i'm actually it gives me alot of peace to think of moving closer to home while starting our new family....to have my parents around and to be near my brother is kind of a relief. It amazes me too because we have this great place here in Vancouver and part of me has realizedc that God probably knew we were going to move but chose to bless us with this great place to be in together to prepare for our new life. To relax and enjoy each other before this baby and because i'm having a home birth...it's a place to feel comfortable in and am blessed that God gave us this place so that i could give birth here......it's all amazing. This journey we are on. I'm so glad that I've got God..and i'm so grateful He gave me mike as well to go through all of this with......So, those are some of the other big changes ahead. We'll be making our way home by October 1st...so that's all for now. so soon we'll be holding our new baby..yeah....

belly

here is my prego belly....
no baby yet, so jacqui's first guess is wrong.....i don't know what you win if you guess it right...i'll have to think about that one.....keep the guesses coming....i can't decide if i want him to come now or wait til my mom comes....(not like i have a choice..but it'd be nice...)

guess the date the baby will come

so i'm curious.....i want to know what day people think our little guy will arrive...
i'm getting really pregnant....my belly is pretty big, on friday me and mike went swimming and then we were sitting on the edge of the hot tub with our legs dangling in and these two teenage boys kept staring at me....like i was the fattest woman they had ever seen....mike wanted to say to them 'have you ever seen a pregnant woman' ....i felt like a novelty....a big fat novelty..;) so ANYWAYS...
i want to know what day people think our little bundle will arrive....

kiwi friend

well, my friend Mary is visiting from New zealand.....she was on staff here at ywam vancouver for 2 1/2 years while i was here, and we were friends and worked together. And she has been gone for 3 years and now is back with her husband and brand new baby....and it's just like she never left. It's so great just to see her and chat and have tea together.....we saw them the other day and then tonight just dropped by as well and it's just like old times.....she is the same and yet so much has changed in both of our lives....getting married and she just had a baby and we are obviously about to ...and i am so grateful for being able to see her at this time in our lives......so those of you who know mary and are in vancouver...remember tomorrow at the parizeau's she's having people around for tea to be able to see her and jay and her new baby......3pm come around and see her. i've been enjoying the time together again.