answered prayer

well...instead of asking for stuff this time, i thought i'd give a little report on answered prayer, thanks to friends.

1. a Doula, we have been praying for a doula for awhile, probably since may when we met with this Christian doula and we wanted her but couldn't afford her. Then just recently a friend said He'd be willing to help out......So after trying other options for cheaper doulas, nothing was working out. So, we actually took this friend up on their offer to help out. And thanks to Stacey and Alastair we now have a Christian Doula! ( for thsoe of you who don't know what a Doula is, she is basically there to help me deal with the pain of labor, atural ways of dealing with the pain) So praise the Lord for our friends we were able to hire a Christian Doula, and she is very grateful as well because she is a single mnom who needed the business.

2. Sheets and towels,...again all thanks to my lovely friends....Hannah, Jacqui, Rachel and Joanna have all generously donated towels and sheets to me.....actually Joanna lent me quite a few items for my homebirth.










3. Back to our Doula, she bought a kiddie pool for her son and never opened it so she lent it to us so that i can have a water birth.

4. Scrapbook.....Andrea offered to come and help me with my scrapbook, so the other day she arrived here at 11am...and we started working, and thanks to her, we finished all the wedding and honeymooon pages for my scrapbook..and they look soo good, much better than i would've done!!! Her creativity looks great on the pages of my scrapbook and so i've just got the rest of our year of marriage to do.....but it looks so good and she was here til almost 5pm helping me with it.

So, thanks to all these lovely people in my life, these prayers have been answered. It's so cool to see God work things out. We are believing He is going to provide many more miracles before this journey of labor is over....:) anyday now guys....anyday.......
thank God and thank all of you my friends.

what to say

i've been meaning to post for days, but everytime i sit down and try to write nothing comes out. right now it's 530 am....couldn't sleep cause my stomach hurt and i was hungry, so i got up to have some oatmeal crisp and then head back to sleep....there is actually a thunderstorm here in vancouver right now too..it's kind of soothing, i miss thunderstorms alot. my thoughts are still constantly around having this baby, i feel as if it's the only thing i think about. some days this week were pretty hard, i felt overwhelmed and like i have so much to do...and then i've had some good days where i just don't worry about it...but this morning laying in bed and my stomach hurting, i guess sometimes it just hits me that ths baby could really come anytime and i'm really not ready. not just emotionally, i think emotionally i'm ready, but physically i am not ready. like, we haven't bought diapers yet, or i don't even have the birthing pool and i want to have a water birth.....i guess that's where my trust in God comes into play...i have to trust that he'll help keep labor off a few more days so i can get myself organized and actually be ready to have this baby. it's still so mind blowing that there is a little baby living inside me, that i will be responsible for, he will look like me and mike and will forever be in our hearts. it's all kind of incredible. a miracle......that's why that call it a miracle. God amazes me more and more....how could someone not think there is a God, when the way we are created is miraculous and it happens everyday...everyday women all over the world are giving birth....and it's amazing.

well...those are my thoughts for now.....if anyone still wants to help with the things from the last post, please let me know and please come by. i'm going back to sleep now.

getting ready

k, so i'm in 'getting ready' mode. i'm not sure who even reads my blog, i know of course a few people do..but whether you are near or far away, i'm going to tell you how anyone can help me in these last few weeks before the baby is born. i feel like i just need to ask for help with a few things:
SO, of course there are always the 'things' material that i need, but there are a few other things as well that i wouldn't mind some help with, if somone has time or knows someone else who has time.
1. scrapbooking...i have been wanting to make a scrapbook of me and mike's wedding, and our first year together ( since we traveled to a few places..i thought it'd be fun to make one scrapbook of our first year...
why i need help with this is because i am good at collecting stuff and i have saved all kinds of stuff but i need someone to just help me get going, to get the pages made and put the pictures in, i have it all spread over my dining room table but i can't seem to get it going, so if there is someone decisive and creative who wouldn't mind helping me, please let me know.
2. i am in need of old sheets/towels...because it's a home birth if i want to have the baby in the bed, of course there will be lots of fluids and since me and mike only just bought a set of sheets for our bed, we need some old ones we can use for when i give birth, or old towels that can be used( we don't have any 'old' stuff because we barely have enough new stuff..:) i might end up just going to value village but that kind of grosses me out. so if you know anyone with old sheets/towels that we can have that would awesome.
3. let's see......if anyone is wanting to help out really practically we are in need of some basic things that we would like to have for when the baby is born and directly after let us know , i definitely won't list them, but you can always email me and ask or if you have something in mind, just ask us, because we might just need something you are wanting to get rid of. ( like a rocking/glider chair) otherwise we are in need of some more expensive items still that if anyone wants to donate money towards we wouldnt say no either.
4. a video camera.....we were hoping to buy one, but there are just too many other expenses for this baby and so if anyone has a vide camera they would be willing to let us borrow for the next month (since we could have this baby any day or not for weeks) that would be really cool.


of course a bit closer as well, i'll be needing to do lots of laundry ( i have to wash all the baby clothes i have.,,) so if someone likes doing laundry and wants to hang out that would be fun as well. i don't have a dresser yet so i won't be doing the laundry until i get a dresser.
so now i feel a bit funny just having been so honest with you all, and i hope that i'm not whining or coming across as 'pathetic' i just wanted to ask for help and let my friends and family know how they can help. because i think everyone loves a baby and there is no pressure to help, it just seems like people want to help, so i'm giving the opporunity ...this is definitey not a demand. okay enough rambling.....this baby is coming so soon....today i'm going to go get some of the birth supplies we need...so i feel a little more relaxed knowing we are a bit more prepared. hope you are all having a great day.

hot

i at least was able to sleep in...the heat didn't wake me up. and then for some reason i was a bit ambitious and thought i could try and go all over to garage sales....so i took a shower, had my list of addresses and started out....but after being out there for not very long realized that it's way too hot and too much energy for me to be walking around and getting in and out of the van. so i came home and am just trying to stay cool, drink lots of water. So i've been watching oprah dvd's and reading, and it's interesting. i'm reading this book called 'the living end' about a woman who's husband wrote a list of 'while i live, i want to.....' and then shortly after he dies. so she decides to do everything on the list. Also, the few oprah shows i watched had stories about amazing people, but of course the sad part is that alot of these people died. So of course i am fitting the stereotype of pregnant woman by crying at all these sad and yet beautiful stories. I think that i have this fear in my life of not really living....i know that the thing i want the most is for my life to count for something, i want to really impact people i interact with, i want to truly live...but today i feel compelled to just enjoy life as well and not be so caught up in 'missing out' that i don't just enjoy today. today i haven't done anythign 'productive' but i've definitely enjoyed just relaxing, reading, watching oprah, thinking...and not so worried about the 'big' things.

reading.

so, i've decided i'm going to take these last 4 weeks and try to relax as much as possible. i finally feel like mentally i can rest. just a few weeks ago i felt so overwhelmed that i wasn't resting much at all but now i feel like i can take a bit slower and easier, yesterday we stopped by the library and i got out 4 fiction books and i plan on reading them all. i like making decaf ice-tea and eating ice and just relaxing. for me too i realized that i have this desire to 'figure it all out' before the baby comes and to make a plan, but i will just not be able to figure it all out, so i'm going to keep pursuing God...keep asking Him to reveal 'more' to me. and keep exploring my options as far as developing my strengths...( i'm seriously wondering how it would be possible for me to go to school part time for psychology/counseling and have a baby) and see how it all unfolds i guess......this weekend mike is away, so i'm looking forward to the time alone. i know it will be my last before our life takes on a whole different direction and i'm glad for the change, but i will enjoy the time to read and relax and reflect on the ways God is speaking and moving right now.

strengths

With our church Interns and myself, mike, kyle and kristin took these strength finder tests. So, after i read that bible verse the other day about knowing yourself and knowing the work you've been given, i finally took my test and theses are the synposis of my 'strengths'

Intellection
people who are especially talented in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activitiy. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.

Connectedness
have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few doincidences and that almost every event has a reason

Deliberative
are best described by the serious care they take in making decisions or choices. They anticipate the obstacles

Input
have a craving to know more. often they like to collelct and archive all kinds of information

Responsibility
take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are commited to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.



so it's interesting..part of me thinks these things aren't strengths, that they are more 'personality' things...but the test also gives you action points on how to use these strengths in your life. so that's what i need to go through ..figuring out how these are strengths in my life, or how to 'use' them. i definitely see how they are true. (i have longer descriptions of all of them that make more sense....but i didn't want to bore anyone.)
just imagine if everyone operated in their strengths, we would probably accomplish alot more in our lives.

live life creatively

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Dont' be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

that's from galations.....and i feel like it's for me, and maybe lots of other people too.

here's some pictures from a few weeks ago, when me and mike went down to washington to camp for a night and then met up with my dad and hung out with him the next day. it was lots of fun, hanging out with two of my favorite people.

can't sleep

it's 5 am and i have been awake for over an hour, i'm exhausted, my body aches and all i want to do is to crawl into bed and be able to drift off into a restful sleep....the problem is when i was in bed i was also exhausted and tossing and turning, so i've been cleaning out my email box and just hoping i'll get so tired that i can just crawl back into bed and sleep with no problems. it's now less than 5 weeks til we meet our baby. i'm feeling more ready although i was talking with someone last night who said, you never feel ready and i guess that made me feel better..i think more and more though i have been thinking about life and what i want my life to look like, and how is going to change now that we are going to have a baby....but ultimately some things are still the same, and i can't put my life on complete hold while having children, otherwise i wouldn't do anything for years and years. so i'm hoping to find a balance and to find time to keep pursueing things i feel God has put in my heart....i'm wondering if it is possible to actually go to school part time while being a mother, maybe not right away but eventually. i think i would like to get some further training to keep pursueing the kind of ministry i'd really like to do. i've had some interesting thoughts lately as well, i wonder what it owuld be like to be a odula, and if that is somethign i would like to do. i'm curious at least about it. after writing just this little bit i'm even more tired than i was when i started so i think i'll try and get back into my lovely bed and see if sleep will take over my body. hope you all had better rest than i've had so far. goodmorning and goodnight.

fun in louisiana

just some pics from our time in louisiana...me and mike with the family

less than 6 weeks

since being in louisiana...i've had all these dreams about having the baby, and going into labor and baby bedding...i think i've been scared that for some reason i'll go into labor while i'm here, but now that our trip is ending i'm feeling better. Today is the big day of Linda's wedding (mike's mom) and so we're kind of getting ready but there isn't that much to do.....we'll have the wedding at 6pm....and then tomorrow we all fly out. Linda on her honeymoon, Lisa back to scotland and me and mike back to Canada.
And i've been realizing that the day of the baby arriving is coming soon. Less than 6 weeks...pretty soon it'll be a month, than less than a month....all so fast. anyways, this has all become about babies..obviously it's a big thing on my mind. I"m also trying to figure out what i'll want after i have the baby....willi want to be involved in ministry as much as i was? willi want to take a full maternity leave for 6 months?? i just will have no idea how i will feel about anything, i think that's one of the hardest things in 'preparing' is that sometimes you can't do much but wait and see how you feel. so i guess those are my thoughts lately.

just some thoughts

tomorrow we leave for Louisiana....mike's mum is getting married this saturday. So, mike will be walking her down the aisle and giving her away. i am not looking forward to the heat of louisiana, i plan on drinking of lots of water, eating lots of ice and sitting inside air conditioning as much as possible.....
so i think most of my posts lately have been just 'i did this' and 'this happened' not many thoughts..
but to be honest most of my thoughts these days rotate around having a baby. it seems like since the wedding is over it's so close now that the baby is coming. i feel almost unprepared. i'm not scared of giving birth, i'm not afraid of the labor part. I'm just so unsure what it will be like, to have a baby. to have a little one that you are responsible for. i just can't imagine. i want my next big project to be to get the baby's room ready. it's not even a baby's room yet, i want to buy a crib, and a dresser, all of the baby stuff i do have is in storage right now..well, it's in boxes. so i'd like to be able to unpack his clothes and put his things in his room......and i think once that's done i'll feel a little better. and there are just things we still need to get...and we need to get the home birthing supplies as well...
i feel like it's been an amazing journey though...this whole process of becoming a parent, that's why it takes 10 months......because it's such an emotional and mental adjustment, when you are first pregnant of course you are excited but it's kind of surreal cause you really have no idea, and now that i'm bigger and he moves so much and we feel like we're attached to him already, we are more and more excited to meet him. both me and mike. we're excited to meet him but i'm also wanting to enjoy these last weeks before he comes. to get ready for him, both his room and us as parents. of course there are ups and downs, but i know God is with me in all of this. He is definitely with me......so those are my thoughts lately...

friends

i miss my friends. emily and jamie. weird that we are all married now..but really cool. i think it's grea to have people that understand you and can go through some of the same stuff as you. so.....i miss them.....here's some older pics of us.

friends

i miss my friends. emily and jamie. weird that we are all married now..but really cool. i think it's grea to have people that understand you and can go through some of the same stuff as you. so.....i miss them.....here's some older pics of us.

my dad

my dad is coming ! he drives semi-truck and has a trip out here and so the timing is perfect. He'll arrive late tonight, get some sleeep and we'll hook up with him the morning. me and mike are going to go camping tonight and then we'll be right there in the morning when he is there too....so cool. He's already picked out this little town we can hang out in for the day. I'm very blessed. Itll be fun to see my dad and i'm definitely more pregnant than when i saw im last. And he's bringing me baby shower gifts that i couldn't fit in my suitcase last time. i love my dad. one thing i thing is the greatest about him is he is always growing, always learning and always willing to change. Me and Him are very alike in that we are opinionated and strong-willed and we use to fight all the time. But we have learned to communicate really well and now we so close because of it. I respect Him very much for the hard-worker he is but so much because even though He is stubborn and strong He will listen to you, he will listen to God, He will be willing to see Himself in new ways, He will let God show him how to be a better man, He will admit his weaknesses...He will change and grow. And i love that about him so much. So, this is for my dad!!!

some pics of me and mike

just wanted to share some more pictures from the day.....
me and my baby....
and me and my belly..;)

jamie & craig's wedding

it's over. the wedding was absolutely beautiful. one of my favorite weddings to be part of and to see two people i love so much get married. i had a great time......just wanted to put some pics on here right away, they are all emily's pictures ....and there are some great ones.

staying alive

so..just a quick update. lots and lots of wedding plans......i can't believe jamie and craig are getting married so soon....i feel like my brain is full of wedding plans.....hard to think of anything else. So we've been helping jamie do all the last minute things that need to get done. And emily is staying here with me and it's so nice to see her, and hang out and catch up on lots of things....
and so we'll be pretty busy these next few days, but just wanted to check in and say what we're up to. tomorrow we will be with all the bridesmaids, the last two fly in tomorrow and we will pick them up, there will be four of us from tomahawk, together again. one with a baby, me with a baby on the way, emily married and jamie about to.......so many changes, so much going on.....it's fun. so no deep thoughts....just day to day happenings...
and i'm going to put a pic of sophia in here that mike took the other day at drive fest....isn't she cute!

this is where we live

yesterday was 'the drive fest' ...comemrcial drive was closed down for blocks to traffic and there were bands playing, drum circles, people selling lots of fun things from their shops....all the restraunts had created outdoor cafe's on the street.......it was so much fun. me and mike walked down there and enjoyed it so much. the excitement, the fun, the life of the drive. it was so great just to walk around and take it all in, enjoy the sun, we hooked up with our buddies from church....and just took our time walking around together. and ended up by having dinner together on the drive....was definitely one of those days where i was so happy to be living here, i love the summer and the feel of the drive and it felt so good just to walk around and enjoy the atmosphere.......
we took some pics of me in my prego belly. so here are some of the pics from the day. my belly is so much bigger now....enjoying my baby inside me and me and mike are looking forward to having our baby with us more and more and more. we signed up today on the drive to win a free massage and the guy said we should sign up our baby too and after the baby is born they can do baby massage. so maybe he'll win too......i hope i win though...:) well, that's my lovely day. hope yours was good too.

life is moving fast

life is moving fast. it really is. i am due in only two short months. soon our baby will be with us. it's starting to really be real. He moves alot now and because He is getting bigger and doesn't have tons of room to move, when he does move i can see it. My belly changes shape or just moves when he's dancing around in there. it's fun.
and this next weekend jamie and craig are getting married. it doesn't seem like that long ago they got engaged....(well it does in a way) but i can't believe it's finally here. Emily comes tomorrow and Jamie's mom is staying with us, so it'll seem alot more real when it's all about the wedding next week.
and i feel as if i've been on an emotional roller coaster. i've been trying to figure out if it's all emotions because i'm pregnant or if being pregnant highlights the areas that you are already sensitive about and maybe God could use the opportunity to work through some of this stuff with me and then i just wouldn't have the emotions about them at all?? Does that make sense?? it's weird, i feel as if if there is lots of information on pregnancy and they say it's normal to being emotional and for pregnancy to bring up personal issues again such as body image and past abuse stuff.....they say that in general about all women it's not just christian's saying that..but then of course because i am a christian I wonder if it's God's way of using the time of your life to highlight areas you may need a little more healing in etc....so that you can be a healthier parents, a healthier person in general in your marriage, in your life and with your children. one thing i've realized in all of this, is that i feel guilty for everything. i feel guilty about us struggling financially, like somehow it's my fault. i feel guilty about not eating well for the baby, i feel guilty that i'm not 'doing' enough. guilt guilt guilt. i swim in it. my fingers are pruny from swimming in it and i don't want to be like this anymore. so it comes and goes the emotions of it all....today has been a good day, just tired. but i'm still enjoying the sleep i do get now because i know when the little bambino arrives i will get even less sleep....well those are my thoughts for now..

re-evaluate

re-evaluate. that's what i feel like i'm going to be doing soon. re-evaluating my whole life. and i guess i feel like i've been doing that a bit more lately anyways. there is something about having kids, that causes you to really think about what's important in life....it isn't money,it isn't getting a cool job, it isn't doing meaningless things.... it isn't necessarily the things you do at all........it's who you are. and some of those things you do in life are very important 'things' that come out of who you are....but honestly, look at your life and think about dying.........at the end of your life, what is important?? to be honest, i really didn't want kids right away, i wanted 5 years with me and mike and then kids, i thought that having kids would take away my identity, and sometimes i still get scared because it seems like it consumes you ...that being a mother isn't just one of the 'hats' you wear, it becomes a very big part of who you are...and it is then something you will forever be. you aren't just a 'mother' for a short time, it isn't just a role for a season..i will be a mother for the rest of my life...the little guy inside me will always carry a part of my heart from now on. ....as will every other child i have. but i know God has been working and i'm so excited to be a mother, i'm excited that my life will not just be about me, it will be about caring for someone else, it's a huge responsisiblity to be a parent, i will have the ability to shape his life in a way that no one else can. And i'm excited because i love my family, i love my mom and dad and brother, i love that they are in my life and i miss them. And i'm excited to begin my own family because that is what i treasure the most. I know God has 'more' for me than just being a mother, but being a mother is also a huge part of what He has for me......
so i guess those are some of my thoughts lately.....my musings....

paint, beds, and naps

hello world! sorry it's been awhile, i've become lazy in teh blogging world, we haven't had internet at our new place so it takes much more effort for me to keep updating .....but i'll try and get better. well, news to tell, i'm definitely much bigger than that last post pic so i'll have to take a new one, i'm enjoying being pregnant. i'm enjoying where my life is headed right now and i'm enjoying the summer. my midwife said that sometimes pregnant women in teh summer will drink a gallon of juice, at one time. cause they are so thirsty and it sounds good, and it's sweet.....so don't let me order a gallon of juice anytime i'm out with any of you.
and our house is painted!!! when we moved in, the whole entrance and lounge, dining room and hallway was 'pumpkin' orange. and now we have painted it and it's soo much nicer, it took us all weekend and mike is especially exhausted but he is almost done, and i'm soo grateful, the house looks so much better...and other great news, we got our bed back, the one we had when we first got married ( from ikea) we got from craigslist for a good deal and my parents ended up buying it for us!!! yeah God, i know that some of these things may seem trivial, but it's been kind of a big deal for me and God ....we've been on a journey together, of me crying about 'trivial' things like beds and our place feeling like a home, i never realized it was so important for me to feel settled in a place. i love having a home, i think it really is part of who God has made me to be, to have a place to 'offer ' to others, i love having people over. And i'm sure part of it is the 'nesting' instince of being pregnant......to feel settled, hoenstly this weekend, being able to know the house is painted, and getting a bed, i felt as if God was answering those 'cries' of mine. to feel more settled. there are other thoughts in my brain..but right now these are the only ones i'll share. sorry my posts haven't been that deep lately.

finally

well, here you go, pictures of me prego......but actually i'm even bigger now..but these will give you a little taste.....so here they are. i'll blog more later. tonight we are having a 24 party...at our house, and i'm enjoying very much having our own place.

hey i'm back.

hello. well, soon i'll put a picture on here of me pregnant, i have one now that mike's taken we just have to get it from the camera to the computer...
anyways....so for those of you who are wanting to know about the shower. it was great!!! it's weird though for a whole party to be about you but really nothing to do with you..the baby got lots of fun gifts, cute and soft blankets, bath time towels and shampoo, a mobile, a play mat, and a fun chair for the baby to sit in that vibrates and plays music and has a blanket, cute clothes, little booties and hats, i still think though the best baby thing i have so far, is a cradle that my dad made for me when i was a baby and that my parents have now given to me to use for my baby...so i brought that back with me. and I'll be excited to put it in the babies room. Our house is great!!! It's sooo big, i feel like we're house sitting or something, mike did a great job picking it out and it seems as if God really did want us to have this place because looking back, there weren't really that many options, i dont know if there were any other options i can think of. And we are going to paint some of the rooms...it's been great moving in, i forgot how much stuff we had, although today i was trying on pre-pregnancy clothes and lots of them of course look really funny on me, now that my belly is larger and doesn't quite fit in the same. So i have lots of clothes that will stay in storage until one day i may be able to wear them again. it was so nice to come home to our 'home' . i'm still unpacking though, it's taking us awhile but we are enjoying it.
that's the update for now.

today is the day

hey peeps.....so a quick post this morning.i'm about to go for breakfast with my dad, it's kind of what we do together. and usually we go alot earlier, sometimes we even sneak out ( even though people don't care...) and we have breakfast together..it's only 8am today, so we're off to a late start....andt hen i'll come home and i'll have my baby shower, so i'm sure all you guys especially will be so excited to hear what i've gotten..so later today i'll post about the shower. the past few days have been good being here, can't believe it's ending so soon, but as sad as it will be to say goodbye it's exciting to go home to mike and my new home....k, so i'll update you soon

WE GOT OUR PLACE

Well..thanks to mike, we now have a place to live!! HE put an ad on Craigslist(following the suggestion of Rita) saying we were going to be new parents and we're having trouble finding a place to rent and so this lady responded and had him come look at her 3 bedroom place. and he fell in love with it, took lots of pictures to send to me so i could check it out. Called me, we talked about it , prayed about it, last sunday at church they prayed for us to get a great place! And the lady wanted to give it to us, but was hesitant...but she was a christian and prayed about it and felt as if it was for us, so then she wanted to talk to me on the phone since i couldn't meet her and she asked me lots of questions....and then later that day called mike and said it was ours!!!! so praise the Lord we finally have a place to live and mike got a great deal on couches yesterday. im' very excited to be able to go home to our very own place. i bought plates yesterday from target for our new house! So i'm still enjoying my time at home and its even nicer knowing i get to go to our 'home'
But God is doing somethign in me here, i feel as if i'm coming face to face with who i am and how God wants me to know who HE is and who He says i am...so it's sometimes hard, but it's so good.

time of my own

well....
it's been great being here so far. I've been able to read, watch movies or tv if i want, hang out with my family...and these past two days just chill out. i've got the house to myself ( i haven't had that in sooo long) and yesterday i was thinking about just how nice it is to be able to do whatever i want in a day and not have to really talk to anyone else about it or see what anyone else wants to do..my time is all my own. and then i was realizing that having a baby means even more that my time won't be my own much longer, so i'm enjoying the moment, enjoying rest, and relaxation and just doing 'whatever' i like. watching oprah, reading magazines...
but more than that too...just being able to pray and think. and just process this change from being me to being a mother, and i feel like i'll never really be prepared, because what can prepare you to be a mother. it feels like such a huge emotional transition that i'm realizing some of my fears and some of hopes too. And being able to take those to God and ask Him what He has for me in all of this is refreshing. There is something about being here in wisconsin, where there is quiet and i'm in the country and it just feels as if i can breathe a bit more freely. i'm enjoying my time with God as well....learning to enjoy the moment again, especially when i miss mike. so that's what i've been thinking about lately....time of my own. here's an old picture of me in new orleans.

choices

k, so me and my mom went to Target today to register for my baby shower and it brought on so many dilema's?? where are we goign to live?? and wherever we live, will our room be big enough to have a co-sleeper crib, ?? if not, should i register for another crib i like??
then are we going to do cloth diapers or disposable? so, should i register for cloth diapers and all of that?? ahhh, and stupid things like, how are we going to decorate the babies room?? should i register for only things we need or some fun things as well?? ahh, i just sat on the floor of target for awhile not sure what to do.....who knows if i'll even get anything from the register. so yeah,
it's nice to hang out with my family......my brother and i got home at about 230 am last night we were so tired.but i got to see where he works, and he ran this whole talent show for little kids thorugh the YMCA that he works at, it was awesome, the kids were so funny, some were not so talented, others were, either way it was funny to see the world in which we are about to enter, the world of kids and hoping your kid is the one on the stage that doesn't freeze up and not sing any of the song she's meant to......maybe we'll have a kid like the one that sang the johnny cash song 'walk the line' mike would've loved it, i miss him and wish he was with me, but at least we don't debate over whether we sleep with the window open or closed.

off to wisconsin

well....it's almost 7am, and we are about to leave so mike can drive me to seattle and i can fly to wisconsin......i'm going home for 10 days and it's going to be great. the only thing is i'm going to miss mike alot. i'm looking forward to spending time with my mom and relaxing...i'll have almost a whole house to make myself at home..so at least for 10 days i don't have to think of finding aplace to live .i can just enjoy being home. so i'll keep you posted, i'm going back to the land of dial-up connections though so my patience will be tried in uploading onto my blog.:) it takes forever.
anyways...i'm sure i'll have intersting thoughts once i arrive....
and i get to meet my brother's girlfriend..and she is nervous to meet me i heard, so i'll try not to be too hard on her, she is picking me up from the airport so i'll have her all to myself until we make it to where my brother is. it's going to be fun. i'll let you know how it goes....those of you in vancouver, take care of mike for me while i'm gone okay?? he'll be bored, invite him over, talk to him....

joy and 'pain'

well.....after that beautiful sunny day post, we found out we didn't get the place we want cause we are having a baby.....not because there was someone else better suited (because no one else applied for the suite) but because they didn't want the baby to be too noisy...so i cried while i ate my breakfast the other day, and i'm done crying now, although i still don't understand why we didn't get it, maybe they'll change their minds, maybe we will get it..i don't know. i'm sure you're all sick of hearing about how we don't havr a place to live, but we've realized that it's been a year in may that we packed up our place in scotland and we haven't really had our own place to live .....i'm sure God has taught us alot, me and mike are 'home' to each other, we've adapted to different situations, we've been able to travel, we've grown in our friendship and marriage despite not having our own place. at least we have each other. that's the pain and the joy, i want mike to myself for the last three months before our little one comes into the world....and so i want our own place and the joy is that i have mike with me in this adventure.

it's a beautiful day

sunshine is one of my favorite things. today has been an absolutely beautiful day....we looked at a place we really like, it's been the best so far in the whole area of renting...so we are really hoping that we get it if that's what God wants.....so pray that it works out the way it is suppossed to and if we get it we'd be living directly across the park from Leigh and Ang....and we'd be so close to the pool i swim at now. last night i went swimming....and it feels so good to excercise and i love swimming. so i'm definitely going to try and keep that up so that i'm not completely out of shape when i have this baby....
days with sunshine make you feel completely better though, they lift your whole attitude. i love it. this isn't a very deep blog.....i haven't had many deep thoughts lately .......

peace in the moment

well, i haven't really talked much about our 'house' situation lately, so i thought i'd let you all in on my feelings with where things are at. We have been looking at apartments to rent now and i still want to look at some houses for sale, although it doesn't seem as if any money has come in, so we're not really sure what God is up to, it's curious because it seems as if God has been quite silent about all of this....although in the past week i have been convicted about just being grateful and trusting God's character..He knows our needs more than we even realize, He is good, He is faithful, He is true to His word, so therefore, He hasn't forgotten us, He just hasn't really let us in on His plan, so i've learned to be alot more patient, to trust in Him even when i don't understand and right now although it is still not ideal to be house guests for this long we have to know that God is working on our behalf....everytime we look at a place we trust God to speak to us, everytime we are faithful to do our part I believe God is doing His part, and that is all i know right now. to be at peace in the moment, to take it day by day and to keep moving forward and not let ourselves get stuck in negative thoughts, in self-pity, and to be honest with God about our frustrations but then come back to the point where He is good and He will come through for use and our baby. so that's where i'm at .....finding peace in the moment, enjoying the days as they come.

confession

I've always wanted to be a writer. i'm not really sure what i'd like to write, but i would like to one day try to write something.....i wanted to go to school to be a photojournalist for awhile, that would still be cool......so i do'nt know, tha'ts all, that's my confession, that i want to write, i dont know what....but i would like to write something.

mike's mum and ronnie

well.....it's been a busy week, sorry for the lack of posting....i feel as if it's been a whirlwind of activity......we were out of town last weekend, then we came back to busy days at the office with meetings about how we can improve our ywam base and how we do things etc....and then, me and mike had another ultrasound....and then...mike's mum and fiance came to visit us and they have just flown back to Louisiana today.....and we are finally able to breathe just a little bit. we got home today from seattle and had to eat dinner and then head straight over to our birthing class.....so now i'm tired and i'm ready to just relax and go to sleep. but it's been very good, we have been very blessed just being able to have a mini-vacation here in vancouver with mike's mum and fiance. We went to the movies, went out to dinner ( and of course they paid for everything) we were just able to get to know Ronnie more and mike enjoyed having his mom around. And i have been praying for maternity clothes for so long and they took me shopping to get maternity clothes...and they bought us a bunch of baby clothes as well....so we have been very blessed by them. So it's been very good.....and now i'm ready to rest. so i'll share thoughts soon but for now just an update and you can linda and her fiance.

emily

Just want to say Happy Birthday again to my dear friend Emily...i know it was yesterday...but i hope you had a great day and know you are loved sooo much!!!!

life is moving

Well......first of all, our weekend to spokane was awesome! ( the city itself is not very great, it's like one giant strip mall) John Maxwell is such a great speaker, i felt convicted and inspired all at the same time. The weekend was so refreshing in so many ways, to be able to be back in the states is always nice, and then to get teaching on Leadership was soo good.....and it was great to have our own 'space' for the weekend, and for me and mike just to have time together to talk again about our lives and what we want to do. And then this week we have been having our meetings with the whole ywam vancouver base on how we can improve our base, the ministry we do, the programs we run etc etc.....Definitely feel as if we have some direction now and we are moving .....i guess that's how we feel that finally we are moving.....(and we hope to be moving houses soon too...:)
sorry it's still short, but its an update on the weekend i guess.

just for fun

well, this is an old picture but i don't have time to really write right now...so this is what you get . a pic of me in the shetland islands with some shetland ponies...:) i'll write as soon as i can.

off for the weekend

well folks.....me and mike are headed to spokane for the weekend..we are going to some business meetings and john maxwell is speaking...and i am really looking forward to it.....we are going to stay in a hotel ( my parents have kindly paid for) and we are going to actually get our own 'place' for the weekend...:) it'll be a nice break.......so we're leaving early tomorrow and driving back to my homeland....And i just wanted you all to know how excited i am for it. So i hope you have great weekends too........bye

live

live life.
that's what i really want to do.
i want to live life to the fullest. to be fully who i am meant to be. to live out of myself, not to strive to be anybody but to 'be'. to radiate the person that i am meant to be. to be at rest within myself. to know myself well enough to know what brings me life, what God has called me to do. To not let myself grow lazy but to always push beyond. push beyond normal, and mundane, to ask myself ot expect more ofmyself day by day..but again not out of striving but out of relationship with Jesus..out of passion, out of love. Our of love of life. o be excited for teh new day and teh possibitilies. To not let myself lose hope....because when you lose hope you lose the ability to see life through a new set of glasses, glasses that make the world sparkle..or make the images clearer....you can see beyond the normal..you can taste more than food. i don't want to lose hope anymore. i want to live life again ....real life...with love.
those are my thoughts....hope they make sense.

light

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fablous? "Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
- Marianne Williamson


Jesus was not afraid of His light.
"I am"
Our messiah was not fearful of his power, nor intimated by his splendour.
mocked...beaten...insulted...riduculed.....
Jesus does not recant his majest.

Jesus was not afraid of His light.
He came to shine
He came to manifest the glory of God in all circumstances
in nails
in wine
in open waters
in a secluded garden

Jesus was not afraid of His light.

If we are the people of God, then we are Of God
If God is light,
and power,
and love,
Then we are also created within this majestic framework,
Carrying within us this light
and power
and love.

God's light in us is meant ot radiate.
in All circumstances
in fears
in songs
in empty arms
in plentiful harvest


Jesus was not afraid of His light.

Presented with death....
Jesus does not recant His glory
"I am"
This is no ordinary light
This is not light intended to be hidden
nor light created to cause fear
This is our GOD
This is the Spirit
This is His Kingdom.
Let your light so shine before men.


Jesus was not afraid of His light
In the same way

Let your light so shine before men

- Emily Parsons

my life right now

well...if we were together, i'd offer you coffee and just sit with you and share what's been going on in my life these past few days. it seems like not much and some big stuff as well.... i'm sure some of you have read on mike's blog about our ultrasound experience. i guess i thought it was going to be one of those momentous experiences of seeing our baby for the first time....and it was mixed emotions. the lady was a horrible doctor and mike wans't allowed in the room with me for the longest time and then finally because he asked another nurse if he could come in....and so he was finally allowed in, but then she wasn't really going to let me see the baby on the screen until i had to ask, it was pretty upsetting...i didn't understand why she didn't see this as more of an experience for us, she was very clinical and rude.
that kind of took alot out of us....it was hard, emotionally especially. and we were expecting to find out if it was a boy or a girl but she wouldn't tell us.....
anways........so other than that...last night we hung out with leigh and ang...and actually went out for coffee, which was so nice just to get out of the house and sit somwhere nice and just talk with friends......then we watched a movie i wouldn't recommend.
and then today!!! We found another house we like...it's on 7th in between victoria and commercial..it's beautiful....great rooms......great house, and so we called our real estate agent to see about putting in an offer but after awhile, he suggested we don't bother because of our income and where our money stands at....so kind of discouraging. its hard to explain to a non -christian businessman about believing in faith for some miracle. but in the end we didn't go for it. i guess we're going to pray tonight and see if God makes anything else clear. either way, we need our own place asap. for our own sanity. and then tonight we hung out with our lovely friends jamie, craig and henri....ordered in pizza and got a movie while we ate our ice cream..good times......it was nice to be out of the house for a day.
so yeah, that's where i'm at ...kind of..there is of course me trying to figure out our lives and where we want to live and what we want to do....i feel i'm getting more clarity day by day, i think. just need more and more speace of our own to think about things, to reflect, to be at peace. that's all for now.....