this week i had a life

this week i actually had a life.
Monday night
i went for coffee with my new friend Katie, just me and her, mike put kael to bed and me and katie ended up talking for hours. it was great.
Tuesday morning was a new mum's group, which i have such a high hopes for. it was a group of women who all have kids around the same age, ( from baby to 2 1/2) and Bonnie is leading it and Bonnie has 7 kids, ( the youngest are 14) So, she has lots of wisdom, advice for us....she's going to give us simple advice , like cleaning tips, cooking tips, and she will also pass onto us lots of other things.
Wednesday: went to Madtown twisters me, katie, kael and george loved it.
Thursday: mum's group and such a beautiful lunch, homemade soup and salad. And all the mom's got to sit around the table and talk while the kids actually played together. It was great.
And so...this week i had a life. And mike even noticed i was happier...
tomorrow is a kids consignment sale i'm hoping to get to as well. hope i find some good finds. and maybe we might go to visit mike's dad. He lives in the caribbean and he might pay for us to go to visit..(in just over a week) just trying to check out details and see if it's all going to work out, since it's so quick......we'll see..........

thanks to my friend eva

it's so weird, how when things are rough, i actually want to blog, because i feel so lonely lately that it seems like i'm actually sharing with 'friends' what is going on when it put on my blog. But in truth, i actually need to reach out to people....not that those who read this aren't people. but i need to make myself vulnerable enough to reach out to and talk to specific friends....
and this week was horrible...well, the week wasn't actually horrible it's just that all my feelings hit the surface ( as well as i'm sure prego hormones mixing in with the feelings that were already there) anyways..so tuesday i just 'lost it' in a way, i broke down crying to mike, very frustrated with my life, or lack of, frustrated with having no friends with my whole life revolving around kael and mike ( even though i love them dearly of course) and i'm ready to quit work, working while pregnant is not fun, in fact it's getting more difficult to wake up at 415 am and then stand for 8 1/2 hrs....so in the midst of this crying, mike had to go pay a bill, and while he was out, someone knocked on the door and delivered flowers. My friend Eva, from Scotland, didn't even know what was going on with me, sent me flowers with a note that said 'Jessi, just wanted you to know how wonderful and special you are. I treasure your friendship. love you lots. love, eva' and of course that sent me over the edge as well and i bawled some more. it's amazing how just when you need a friends words can just be exactly what you needed to hear. God knew too. so, thanks to my friend eva.....it meant to so much.

madtown twisters

i'm not sure if i've posted about this yet or not. But i took kael to madtown twisters today. It's a gymnastic place, but everyday between 11am-12:45 they have open todller gym, with lots of foamy toys for them to play with, and open space to run around on all the soft floors, trampolines, so much for kids to do. And kael loves it. he ran around the entire time, finding lots of things to play on/with. and i love it too because he gets to use up all his energy, he gets to see hang/out with other kids ( not that he really plays with them) and i can relax a little it. My friend katie went with me today with her son, George who is just a bit older than kael. it's so worth it. And we can talk while they roam free. the only thing was that this week is spring break so there were tons of kids. but next week will be a bit more calm again. anyways....i wish my posts were about deeper things but that was day today so i thought i'd share.

things i really like lately.......

well, i'm in a good mood. so i thougth i'd share some of the things i've been enjoying greatly lately.....

KT tunstall's album 'eye to the telescope' me and kael like to dance to it.

naps...i had a nap today while kael napped and i know it's the reason i feel 10x better.

pickles....again me and kael love them

sunshine and warmer weather...currently it is 47 and feels like summer.

the book Beautiful Boy

my mom...she sent me clothes she bought for me ( just cause) and we're going to visit her this weekend ( hopefully my dad too) and i know she'll take care of me.

and i love my friends ( even though right now i'm missing them terribly)

musings.......

well, i'm not sure if you'd really call them musings... right now as i speak kael is dumping lots and lots of crumbs on the floor from the muffin he didn't eat. one thing i'm so sick of is our dirty floor, and it takes me forever to sweep and then kael no time at all to make sure there are crumbs and food all over it again.
what i want right now is to sit with a hot cup of tea and a yummy muffin and read. without interruption, without me needing to get up and do anything unless it's something i want to do.
i'm reading the book called giving birth.
I had an appointment with a midwife on monday to discuss my options for a VBAC.
.....ok that was a few days ago. it's friday night. my floor is still dirty. i just watched the movie/documentary " The Business of Being Born' and i recommend it to anyone having a baby or interested in the whole idea of midwives vs doctors. Very very interesting movie. it makes me so want to have a homebirth. It is very similiar in it's views to a book i'm reading currently 'Giving Birth'
so....more days later......i miss having friends. feeling pretty lonely lately. and i want someone to cook a homestyle meal for me. roast beef and gravy or something. that's all for now. this post isn't really about much....

WE GOT IT!!!

We had mike's interview today....it wasn't too bad. some questions but not digging questions. and at the end she told us she was approving the application. So in a few weeks mike will receive his green card in the mail!!! yeah!!!!! so so happy. And tonight we're hanging out eating pizza and watching a movie with my brother and his girlfriend. good times.......

off to get a green card

Tomorrow we are heading to Minneapolis/St Paul to spend the night and then on Friday at 1pm Mike will have his interview for his green card. We will both be there and they will take us in different rooms to interview us. (to see if we're really married) So today i'm getting the rest of his paperwork and stuff ready. ( hope i have everything) and i'm a little nervous cause it's the government n' all that we are meeting with. But i know that we are a legitimate marriage and we have a kid which i think should help a little.....ahhh.....yesterday I worked from 5am- 1:30pm and then i had to go back to work at 5:30 and was there til 9:30for a training session with all the staff. so i'm tired today and my legs are very tired. but overall i'm glad it's over and the training was fun. anyways....onto the green card stuff....

Major Disappointment

Well...tonight i went to a birth center to check it out. They have a tour every wednesday. And i loved it. it had beautiful birthing rooms, very much like a relaxing bedroom....a whirlpool tub to labor in or give birth, a nice bathroom with a big shower...and then came the time for questions..and my only question tonight was if it was there a problem if my first was born by c-section. And the answer i didn't expect came and brought on my major disappointment. Birthing center's in wisconsin are not allowed to have VBAC's. (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean ) So, no matter how nice the birth center was - I cannot give birth there. But i could have a home birth (isn't that weird) but insurance doesn't cover home birth , only hospital or birth center. So, i'm kind of stuck. I do have an appointment with the owner of the birth center in 1 1/2 weeks and hopefully she will be able to help me figure out my options. I'm very disappointed. i wish i could just fly back to Vancouver and have elizabeth deliver my baby again. And here midwives do not have hospital privileges So even if i see a midwife for my whole pregnancy when it comes time to deliver the doctor has to deliver. It's soo frustrating and i feel like the US is behind the times and need to get with it. So i'm kind of at a loss.

highly unmotivated

i'm tired, and whiney. my stomach has not completely given up on me yet. but it's not really that sure it wants to be nice to me either. i'm not throwing up but i'm not feeling so great. nausea ...and tired. i don't want to do anything. i don't want to cook any meals for mike because everything sounds gross, all my stomach wants is bagels and cream cheese, or pizza or really tame food. i feel guilty for not eating healthier but i can just barely eat. ahhhh.....and my house is a mess. kael's toys are everywhere and i just can't be bothered to pick them up right now. i feel like a bad mother and wife. i know it will pass. i just wanted to whine.

Super Nanny

Do you ever wonder 'what would super nanny think ???'

shoes

check out kael wearing my shoes....

just once

so all of the sudden friday night i started feeling very sick, it hit quickly and just had to lay down, it hurt so bad, like acid burning my stomach, constricting my chest and making my back ache. i've had something similar after my c-section and i'm just not sure why i'm having it again. I'm sure it's because i'm pregnant but it sucks so bad. i pretty much couldn't do anything but the necessary. and mike was gone and couldn't come home so i had to take care of Kael on my own, so before his bedtime i put him in the tub for an extended bath while i threw up( it didn't seem to scare him or anything) he was happily playing in the tub. and then it went away, in the middle of the night felt horrible again but by 4am (when i had to get up for work) i felt mostly better. but not all better i ended up leaving work a few hours early. so my first unpleasantries of being prego again.
mostly i am just exhausted. and running after kael seems to take so much energy.
for some reason i can't get an pics to load i'll have to post again later

5 weeks

well...
i'll take leanne's advice. I'm 5 weeks prego right now. Crazy huh? I am due October 9th (emily n josh's anniversary and the day before our anniversary. And i'm feeling great. it's weird. I'm not feeling sick at all. which is weird since last pregnancy i was feeling sick all the time. I feel extremely tired and some little pains here and there but overall feeling great!!! I wish i could nap every afternoon but i don't always get to. But my birthday was this week and it was great. I was amazed by how many birthday wishes i got. My mom came down and took us out to this great restaurant. She even made me cheesecake (which she's never done before and it was soo yummy) I got cards, presents, flowers delivered from my in-laws and because my mom was here i got to take a nap. :) I usually have this sense of disappointment on my birthday and I didn't have that at all. I didn't expect to feel disappointed and I was actually blown away by how many people wished me a happy birthday. i felt very loved and thought of. Thanks everyone!!

super hero

i think kael looks like a super hero in this little outfit. for some reason i love his pj outfits so much...maybe the way they make his belly look really big. and he loves the broom and the swiffer....dust pans, little brushes. he's so funny.

lately.....

Well.....this week has been a bit busy. sorry for the lack of posts. Last week I went to visit my friend Jamie. I had such a great time with craig and jamie. Lots of girl talk, movies, hanging out...just relaxing. it was weird to be kid-less and husband-less for a few days. it was good for me though. It was nice to just be me. and to be with someone where you can just pick up, catch up, not have to worry about explaining yourself...etc.....you know. friends that know you.

and friday night we had our first trip to the ER with Kael. It wasn't like an emergecy where we were rushing to get there etc...but it is really the first time we've had to take him in. He hasn't really been sick, only a cold her eand there but not many. We have been very blessed. So, he had had something in his eye earlier in the day and we rinsed it out but his eye was swelling and it wasn't really getting any better. It was red and watery. So we called a nurse hot line thing and she suggested taking him in. We had to wait awhile, though kael wasn't screaming or anything so it wasn't painful waiting. just waiting, tired though because by the time we took him was about 8pm. We got home shortly before midnight and was told it was two small scratches on his eye, we picked some eye ointment and it's all good. By sunday morning his eye was looking way better already. And the only thing that really bothers him is us putting the ointment in his eyes. Other than that He's doing great. He likes to be very vocal these days. lots of yelling and excited screaming. fun times.
that's what's happened lately......

visit

Last week there was tons of snow outside my house and now there is hardly any. i can see most of the grass in my yard. we had a heat wave like lots of others and it makes the winter seem so gray. even though it's warm i'd rather have sunshine, cold weather and the white cover of snow on the ground. it just looks dirty and gray now.

this morning i am watching my new friend Katie's kid. He is 4 months older than Kael ( although much bigger, kael is on the small side for his age) and they are playing together and i think it's great. They have both gone down for naps now, which i'm kind of amazed they both went down so easy. George ( that is the little boy) is our first guest in our house, funny isn't it and he's not even 2 yrs old. i love seeing them together. it's the first time i've noticed Kael actually playing with another kid as opposed to just playing around each other.
And speaking of another visit...
i am going to visit Jamie...i am so excited. I leave on Saturday and i get three whole days with her. I'm not even taking Kael. It will be my first trip away from him. So weird. Well, actually that's not true, I've taken trips before but they have all been for business etc...this is my first for fun. Me and jamie. it still seems unreal and i' not sure what i'll do with myself. I can plan my day and not have to think of nap times, bed times, eating, when is his fussy time etc...we can just do whatever we feel like. weird. i'm really looking forward to it and my mom is going to watch Kael while i'm gone so that Mike can still work. so i'm looking forward to my visit.

crepes

last year mike decided that he wanted to learn to cook, so last year for christmas he got himself a cookbook that really gives you lots of tips. so he didn't really learn to cook at all last year. he made eggs once or twice. But this year he decided to make crepes. So the other night we had dessert crepes...i had honey ad butter on mine. so great. And then for breakfast we had ham and cheese crepes. I must say i was highly impressed. i have never made crepes and i dont like making pancakes, but i love eating crepes and his turned out perfect, even the first one.

Happy New Years!!

Well, i just wanted to post. Nothing special going on today, but feeling good Feeling hopeful about the next year. Today i got to sleep in (thanks to mike) i've even been able to read some of my new book, a Thousand Splendid Suns and i made some yummy cheese and potato/veggie soup. and i'm looking forward to eating it. We're just relaxing, Kael is so active, he loves the dustpan, spatula's and the broom......and his new toys.
i'm going to enjoy the rest of the day.....watch movies, eat yummy soup, read.....hang out with my boys. today i've just been thinking how nice it would be to have my friends over. but i'll just have to think happy thoughts about them..:) love ya'll. enjoy your new day. A new year, new beginnings..fresh starts and continuation of all the great things from last year.
Happy New Year.

Christmas

Well, i can't believe christmas has been here and gone. It was a great christmas. So much fun with family. My dad made Kael his very own play house, with windows and shutters and doors.....and inside was a red shiny radio flyer wagon. sweet!!!
he tries to haul the wagon around on his own, it's hilarious. and as you can see in one of the pics he also likes to lay down in it and take a ride.
andy and jen were home as well...so the whole family went bowling.....and me and mike did horrible when it was us against my mom and dad and andy and jen.....we were the worst couple ...

Kael got to play in the snow for the first time ( those pics coming soon) i missed out on the snow forts.....but andy jen and mike all had their own. ( i was in town having lunch with my beautiful friend shelley.....which was great as well)
let's see......not much else to say just wanted to give a little update and post some pics...i have to explain the last pic, Kael got this toy that is a zebra and it makes noise etc....and so Kael had to press the buttons/things that made the noise but it would scare him so he would run and hide behind my mom, and the last picture is his little skeptical face and my mom laughing at him....so funny!