creative space

So yesterday and today Kael has been pretty whiny and would not go down for his nap.
So i set off with him in his stroller, hoping he would fall asleep as we walked along. So i started walking and i found this trail really close to my house.......i decided to wander along it and see what else i could find. it was such a beautiful trail, lots of nature, trees and little rivers, ponds, bridges and fields. As i was thinking Kael feel asleep ( praise the Lord) and i thought...'wouldn't it be nice if there was benches along here where i coud sit and read ' and i turned teh corner and there was a little picnic area, with picnic tables and it was covered...so i sat there for almost an hour and had peace. Kael slept in his stroller and i read my magazines i brought me and enjoyed the shade, the peace, the quiet and the breeze.
i just got a library card the other day and os i got a bunch of magazines and so i was reading an old Mothering magazine and there was an article about creative space. Where each member of the family mom, dad and child had their own, a desk where they could leave out whatever it was they were working on, art, drawings, writing, clay, etc...and they got rid of their tv because they would just sit there and watch it but without the tv and with their designated creative space they did create so much more and it of course enriched their own lives and their relationships with each other. It's interesting because we just got of rid of our cable because sometimes we are lazy and cannot make ourselves turn off the tv, so we just decided to get rid of our cable and i'd really like to see if there is way we can make 'creative space' for both me and mike.

so those are my thoughts. i think we should all have space to think and create. happy creating.

10 months and eight teeth

Kael, is now 10 months old and he has eight teeth...:) i can't believe how old he is already. the past few days he seems even more interactive with other people....smiling at the store or the library, getting excited to see other babies...he's so loveable. i wish you all could know him right now. i feel sad for him that not many people get to see him grow up. or maybe i feel sad for me that i don't get to show him off to as many people as i'd like since we don't live by all of you.

takes time i guess

so..we got back from boston and i worked a full week, it felt more than normal but it was just three very long days and then i had the weekend completely off. ;my parents came down yesterday and spent the day with us. soo great ot have my parents here. They got to hang out with kael i nour house and watch him crawl around and climb up everything. We also took him swimming at their hotel pool..and that was fun, Kael's first time swimming. he seemed to like it. he didn't hate it. :) he had fun with grandma and grandpa. and so did i.

but today i feel a bit discouraged again by how long it takes to get to know people. I should feel encouraged, me and mike were invited to dinner by another couple in the church, and another lady int e church asked for my phone number so that me and kael coud come over and hang out with her and her two children. so that's good, people are still wanting to get to know us or make the effort i just struggle with not being known. i feel like i'm having an identiy crisis....not really a crisis but i havea lot of questions going on in my own head, things i want to talk about. sorry to keep talking about all fo htis, i feel like that's all i talk about lately, i don't mean to be so negative. it's just one of those days.......

but today kael seems even more like a little boy. today in church he was smiling at everyone and laughing and this afternoon he took a 2 hr nap!! a miracle...so with kael it's a good day.

boston

Our trip to Boston. While there i had no internet access so i'm catching up on everyone's blogs and now i'll have to give the highlights of our trip.

1. Kael, cute as he is. all bundled up here cause it was cold the first few days..Anyways...kael threw up all over mike on the plane. He had eaten a jar and a half of bananas before we flew and then on the plane he had some breastmilk and so it all came out on mike while he was trying to get kael to sleep....it is funny now. i wish we had a picture there was banana/puke all over mike and kael. And of course the one time i didn't pack an entire extra outfit for kael, i forgot pants...so after that he was in a onesie, socks and a sweatshirt..no pants....and mike was soaking wet.

2. the Boston Public Garden, where all the nice scenic pics of our family are taken. I would go there almost every morning. I would grab a coffee from starbucks and go to the park and sit there for at least an hour, until kael would get antsy to keep moving. it was so relaxing, and peaceful for me.

3. i walked all around boston. the downtown is so small that i was able to see all different parts of the city, i sat in parks along the charles river, walked cobblestone streets, the italian section of town with narrow streets, the 'posch' part of the city with studio apartments that rented for $1500. i loved how the city was new, but there was so much history there as well.

4. we went along most of the freedom trail and toured the Massachusetts States House which was amazing.

5. We visited the Cheers Bar. ( which inspired the tv show cheers..) and had such juicy yummy burgers and nice Boston Sam Adams beers and then when we went to pay, the waitress informed us that the guy sitting next to us ( who we found out , his wife is due in a month with their first baby) Paid for our entire dinner.

6. just getting to hang out and be on vacation with my beautiful son and my amazing husband, who by the way, is the best Father. the pic of him and kael is on Father's day. Mike truly is such an amazing dad. He cares and loves Kael soo much, it is inspiring to watch.

in the first pic you can see kaels' little hand, he is in the ergo on mike's back. :)

off to boston

We are leaving early tomorrow morning for a short jaunt to boston. mike is going to attend an ebay conference while me and kael tool around the city of boston and then at the end of the conference me kael and mike will have some time to explore the city together. i'll take pics and let you know how it's going later. i'm excited to be going.

standing and smiling

well this past week kael has learned the art of pulling himself up and standing! yeah!!! so weird to pick him up in his crib when he is standing there. like he's a real little boy. :) and now he's into the kitchen cupboards, pots and pans. we bought him a toy at a garage sale today where he can stand and play with it. he tries to climb up my leg now. it's a fun age. each age seems to get more and more fun. i'm still thinking about the job. partly i may not have a choice cause mike's job is changing a bit, but i may see if i can get more steady hours so we can make a schedule for our family. i think i will talk to my manager about it all.
but back to kael. so much fun. we have to watch him more and make sur he cna't get into anything that could be trouble. :) ooh and i got a good deal on an ergo baby carrier from craigslist so that i can take it to boston with me! yeah!!!!
kael's funny face by the way is his way of smiling.....:)

should i stay at work?

well friends....since i don't have tons of people here to process my decisions with, you are my family and i would like some advice.
Mike and I are talking about whether i should stay at my starbucks job. I know, i know..i just started. i do feel like i would be a quitter and that is hard for me to do..but we are just wanting to assess whether it is working for our family or not, and is it worth it?

Mike is finding it hard to get much work done when he is home with Kael and his job may involve more responsibilities and so it may not even be possible for him to get all the work he needs to get done if i don't come home. My paychecks are not huge but they do help. We could live without the money it is nice but we could make do without.

Kael has become really clingy lately....i am not sure whether it is a stage or because i have gone back to work. So, i'm struggling with that. i feel guilty that i'm gone more than i was before and wonder if it would just be better for little kael if i was home. He has gotten worse at taking his naps and so it is even harder for mike cause Kael hasn't been napping at all. and maybe if i was home and my schedule wasn't so unpredictable we it would help kael if he had a more predictable schedule.
again, i'm not sure if it matters if it's me or mike home with it or if i'm just feeling guilty.

i kind of like having a job. i like getting out of the house and doing something else, but i wouldn't say i love it. I wouldn't say it would be my number one choice. I think if i made some friends....like today when i went to the zoo with katie and Sarah it was nice to get out of the house, do something with girls, talk to other girls and have fun...so if i have more developed friends maybe i wouldn't need that outlet of starbucks at all.
i would like to pursue other things like being a doula, or trying to make more time for creative things and i could maybe put a little time into that if i didn't have a job.....

as i'm writing i'm seeing more positives about coming home but i'm still unsure about making that choice. any thoughts friends?

i'm going to the zoo

so all through the church service i couldn't stop crying....i was trying, but it wasn't working. lack of sleep probably didn't help but also i was also thinking how i just wanted a friend. it's more than that, i was just realizing today how much my life has changed. i was watching this girl who i just met, she has a five month old baby, she is in charge of the kids ministry at the church, has a part time job, and is on the worship team, now she will also be going to a small group with us, and i was jealous. to be able to have your life already together and your kid is 5 months old. i realized that i'm just starting out. since Kael has been born our lives have been completely unstable. i haven't had friends with me to talk to ( of course i have all my friends, but just not here in the same city) i don't have mom's groups to go to...most people have their lives that are going along, they are part of things, either their church, their friends, their life and so then they have a baby and there is adjusting but some things get to stay the same ( in a way) i didn't get that. my life has not stayed the same at all, it has changed a few times since kael has come along. so i have been adjusting, while trying to start a life. it's exhausting..but so ...at the end of church i wanted to talk to this woman i met the other day...she goes to our chruch, and is having a baby any day....and so i ended up talking to her, and another mum friend i met who has a 1 yr old and we are going to go to the zoo together, the three of us on Tuesday( that is if sarah doesn't have her baby) so that will be great. the zoo here is free too. how cool is that?

Also, me and mike are going to be going to small group, for married couples and we're going to go through the book love and respect. So i'm looking forward to my week ahead.
we also had a newcomers lunch today after church, where we and other new people got to know the church staff a bit better. so i'm feeling much more hopeful.

sick

i don't think i haev been sick since i've had kael, (besides some weird stomach problems because of the c-section) but the other night i didn't feel so well and went to bed, got up the next day, didn't feel horrible but didn't feel great, went to work.......and had a headache, was achy and as soon as i got home i felt horrible.....my stomach started hurting alot, got chills and then really hot...was horrible....was throwing up, etc etc....today i haven't thrown up but still feel really achy and have sharp stomach pains......and this morning i was watching a 'baby story' and was thinking....i do not want to have a baby anytime soon..:) just because of the pain....and the morning sickness, i do not miss that.
and i work tomorrow at 5am, so we'll see how that goes....hope i feel all better. :) anyways...that's the post.......not much to say.

some things.......

well here is one pic of our place...our new home..the rest was a mess so you don't get to see it. my mom is coming to spend the night with us on wednesday cause she is flying out of here in thursday am, and i'm soo grateful...i've been lonely and it'll be nice to see her, maybe we can go for a coffee and chat a bit, get all the thoughts in my head out. and she'll get to see kael, i love him so much and just want to show him off, he's crawling more and more and he soo cute. i love being with him. i appreciate my time more now that i'm working part time....
not much else to say.....except still really missing my friends....

girls

the last few days i've been thinking about my need for friends. here we are in a new city, and really i do like it. I think it's great here, i like my new job, i like our place etc....etc..... i just really want a friend. i miss just being able to talk. Mike is a great husband..and he listens to me, and all that, but there is just something different about getting together with a really good girlfriend, over a hot cup of coffee and just talking. maybe about something that is on your mind, maybe just whatever comes to mind. I feel like sometimes when i talk with a friend...more comes out of me than i even realize is in my head. know what i mean? and my head feels full right now and i really would like to talk to someone. get all the stuff in my head out into the open....but for now i guess i'll have to journal, or blog or talk to kael..:) i don't know.... but i do know i miss my friends.

Congrats!!!!

just wanted to say congrats to my friends Audrey and Ralph!!! Audrey is on staff with YWAM Japan and Ralph has been visiting her. During his visit he planned a beautiful proposal!!! Just want you two to know I"m so excited for you and i don't envy the next 7 months you have to spend apart. Hope it goes fast and enjoy the time you have together.

more family pics

bibs and other things

this weekend was so great. to be able to be so close to home...we went up for the weekend. on the first afternoon there, i was getting kael ready so that my mom could feed him. And instead of putting the bib on Kael, i went to put it on my mother, and the only reason i didn't keep it on her was because it didn't fit. :) it was hilarious....i felt like i left my brain in madison because although i did pack lots of diapers for the weekend, i forgot Kael's pj's and my own underwear. but i did have a swimsuit bottom so i had somethign gto wear while washing my only pair i brought with.
kael is crawling. just this week he started. it's so funny to watch him. he pulls himself forward like he is a war victim or something, dragging his feet behind him. So at my parents house he discovered this fun grate that he likes to bang on.....
And andy and his girlfriend home this weekend as well......i think andy had lots of fun with kael as well. my first mother's day i think went really well. :) it was just nice to be with my family and have lots of hands to hold kael.

mother's day is coming....

so...i've worked 4 days now. i'm learning more and more. and i love the free drinks.
So, this weekend we are going 'up north' to Tomahawk. Andy and Jen ( his girlfriend) are going as well so for mother's day , my mom will have all her kids with her. And grandson. I"m really looking forward to it. Relaxing, hanging out with the family, seeing andy hang out with his nephew. I love being with my family. This is partly why we moved home. so i could have these opportunities. all so close, and just decide to be together. i'll have to take some pics of the weekend to share with all of you. hope you all have a wonderful mother's day..especially any new moms...enjoy the day.

bad for diets

it'll probably get old but getting free drinks while you are working is great. it's not so good for my diet i'm suppossed to be on again. my second day was better than my first. i worked at the register today and had some taste testing...:) do miss kael though but it's so nice to know he's with his dad....i don't even think he minds at all. he's got his daddy....he is at such a fun age.....so much personality. pictures to come soon.

first day

well, i had my first day at work. nothing exciting so far, i just read for 4 hrs straight. i did get a free drink. So nothig much to report. it was ok. mostly in my head i was thinking..do i really want to work? i know that i said i did, and everything, but we'll see. tomorrow i work a longer day and i'm not sure how i feel about being away from kael for so long....i guess we'll see how all of this goes. i could love it i could hate it. i dont think i'll hate it.

family

Last night we went to a benefit dinner put on by ywam madison. it was so awesome to be with ywamer's again. to be able to give money to other people not be on the receiving end. The money all went towards scholarships for people to do DTS or the school of the bible here in madison. And we really enjoyed meeting one of the director's and other staff there. for me to it was one of the few social things i got to do last week, so it was just nice to be out to talk to other people. And also so so nice to be with ywamer's.
And today at church we met some other couples, we're invited over for dinner. The pastor remembered us. And we definitely feel like we are in the right place. And i start my job tomorrow. fun huh??

I just wanted to say after my last post i wasn't expecting any responses but i was very encouraged by all the response i did get. The comments and the emails. i felt very listened too...and loved. thanks so much guys. i will keep blogging, little things and what's on my heart.....

i start my job tomorrow so i'll have to let you know how it goes. mike is just hanging pictures right now so after that maybe i'll get some pics taken of the place to show ya'll.

my life

well guys. i'm not sure where i stand on this blogging thing anymore. i used to share what was really going on with me, but for some reason i'm not so sure i want to do that anymore, be so vulnerable. i feel like i could share little things about my life, but it just seems to boring to write in a blog. there hasn't been much blogging lately, partly due to all the moving around, but partly due to the fact that i'm just not sure what to say anymore. i'm not sure who is reading this and i'm not sure exactly what they want to hear from me.
i'll write anyways....

i'm actually amazed at how quickly we seem to be settling here in madison. we don't really know anyone and yet we moved here, but we're pretty sure we have found a church already, the pastor actually came up and introduced himself. (turns out he knows my pastor in tomahawk) i made a friend, another mom, who i think i will call to go for coffee tomorrow, i have a job, (which i am amazed that i got the job at the location i wanted...five minutes from our apartment...and they were hiring, she hired me on the spot....
and we are building our own business and things are going really well so far.

so i have been doing good. but life catches up a bit. i think possibly i am just hormonal and it is near that 'time of the month' so it may be why today i'm feeling a bit unsure of myself. a bit tired. emotionally. i'm pretty sure kael is teething and i just want him to get into a routine, i want him to feel settled. I"m feeling that i have no time for myself. no time to think. and i don't yet have any other moms around here to talk to about it)( i will soon) but i miss my friends...i really miss joanna lately...i would just love to sit with her and cry. that's how i feel at this moment.

when i wake up i may not feel like crying anymore....i will still miss joanna though. but life is moving forward and it is quite positive i'm just having a moment. and i guess even though at the beginning i said i wasn't sure about really sharing myself anymore and i guess i did it again. blogging feels like someone is listening....