birthday party

well kael had cake for the first time. i cannot believe he is 1 yr old!!! it has gone by so incredibly fast, insanely fast. he is a wonder still. he's so much fun, so much personality and i love to cuddle with him ( when he lets me) he got some great toys that he likes to play with now...although today he was still dragging around the pots today, no matter how many toys he has.
at his party, grandma and grandpa were there, uncle andy and his girlfriend. and my friends shelley, nate, with their son sam. and sarah and andy with their beautiful kids...Israel and Arwen.
at the party i realized why you should give out party favors to other kids..so they have something to play with. and we should have opened up the gifts at the beginning to the other kids had more toys to play with.

and the funny thing was that they all hit meltdwn at the same time.....and nap time came shortly after for all kids involved...:) it was fun.

soon

will post soon pics of kael's party and stuff....feeling sick (head cold, body aches...etc..) and just not feeling like being social. but will post soon

one year ago.

i was pregnant, in labor, early labor ut still, having contractions, still walking up and down the street hoping that i would dilate further without intervention. i can't believe it's been a year, one year ago, it was just me and mike ( kind of, not really but you know) and wow...i'm glad that right now i'm not in pre-labor/early labor, etc...you know, the pain, i didn't know then it would be so long....anyways, here's a few pics i couldn't find the ones i really wanted to show you of how massive i was. i miss vancouver, lovely isn't it???

little steps

kael took a few steps..between me and mike...he was so excited and sooo was i!!! stay tuned...his birthday is friday and we'll take lots of pics....

life

life is moving on. i can't believe the summer is almost gone. it's been so hot here Kael and I haven't even been able to enjoy the summer enough. I'm wondering why i moved back to wisconsin...cold winters and hot summers...i think i prefer the coast. (but we're not really going to move anywhere. ) maybe in a few years or something we'll try the east coast.
anyways....kael's birthday is in 8 days, we're going to go up to my parents house to have a party for him, since we aren't that close with anyone down here. it'll be a small party but i still think it'll be really fun. i'm looking forward to seeing andy again and his girlfriend.
so all that to say that there is nothing much to say.

feist

my new favorite cd at the moment is 'FEIST" The Reminder.
check it out.

good friends and being tired

well, last weekend i went to canada. and hung out with jamie....my very good friend and because mike couldn't go to canada craig came over to see him. so they had their 'guy' time and we, girl time ....soo good. ooh how i've missed it. and we talked way too late in the night. ( or early morning)
and had a great time by the water and relaxing. i thought i had more pics of jamie but i don't. mostly because she took lots of pics on my camera but i thought i had more of her. i'm sad that i don't. and i don't have one pic of the two of us....sad. but there are some great pics that jamie took of kael, he was crawling around in the nude and having a great time.
and it's been hard catching up on sleep....i've been working at 5am the last few days, but it was worth it.

my mother-in-law

well...today we took Linda, my mother-in-law to the airport. She was with us for a little over a week. And like always we had a great time with her and she spoiled us as well. She brought all kinds of clothes for Kael and while she was here bought him some toys, which he loves playing with. She also brought me these beautiful pottery dishes she got for me. They are gorgeous, one is a huge bowl that looks like a leaf, it's beautiful dish. She even bought me an oprah magazine.
Kael got to spend some time with just her as well, while me and mike went on our first trip with out Kael. We went to denver for a business conference and traveling without Kael is so much easier. But i did miss him by the end. So here are some pics of my beautiful mother-in-law. She is such a blessing in our lives and we enjoyed our time with her. Kael will miss her too.
now we're off to see jamie and craig, we leave our house on thursday, spend a night with my parents and then up to see jamie and craig at my family's. i'm really excited.

swinging

guilt

so my life. is adjusting as you all know. here are some more of my recent thoughts.
kael is almost 1 yr old and i can't believe it. he is laughing alot this week, so much fun and of course makes me laugh more. he brings so much joy to my life.
i finally got to talk to emily on the phone this week and it was nice since she understands all the thoughts and feelings of leaving ywam, i admit i didn't fully understand her thoughts and feelings before but it's nice that she understands mine. it feels like you are starting over. (jamie and audge you may or may not experience some of the same things) but once you 'leave' and enter the real world there are all kinds of emotions and thoughts going on and i up til now i dont even know if i could identify some of them. i'm rambling i know, so ok this week for the first time since we've moved here someone really asked me how it was leaving ywam and was it an adjustment, and it is on so many levels but the thing is ...nobody usually asks you, or seems to care. it's like you you were married and now you aren't but nobody asks you about or seems to think it was a big deal in your life.....but it was our entire life for years, not just a DTS, but years.....and also we've been looking at buying and what are our options, what it take etc...and we have no savings, we have just started making some money so i feel as if we are way behind everyone our age, i feel like a newbie, to life. even though i have had all these amazing opportunities and experiences it just feels like a foreign life.
but this morning in church i realized i left guilt behind when i left ywam. (not like ywam cause me guilt, it was my own feelings but still very real feelings) guilt that i wasn't doing enough, i felt guilty every time we used money on fun stuff, movies, out to eat etc. i still struggle with feelings of guilt sometimes but not as much as i did then. i am more relaxed about my life, about getting up going to work or not going to work. about hanging out with kael all day long, having coffee with a new friend, taking a walk through the park, or sitting and reading in the park while kael sleeps...i don't feel guilty about any of those things and taht feels great. so those are my jumbled thoughts for now.....
p.s. mike has blogged, i know it's been awhile but check it out

my husband

finally.....i can breathe a sigh of relief. we 'finally' sent in mike's paperwork to begin his process of getting his green card. almost $1,000 dollars later and many many forms we have it all in. and this is just the beginning of the process. his application may not even get read for another 6 months but soon he'll at least be in the system. it took us so long, and we were worried about getting it wrong and procrastinated but it feels so good that it is now in the mail. yeah!!!! just wanted to share my joy with all of you.

dessert recipes

lately, i cannot think of much to share. this month is busy. i am happy to report that things are getting better here. i am making friends, connections and have plans this week. i went for coffee today with a new friend and had a play date on monday. I'm enjoying the connections so much.
right now i just want dessert though. but i have no flour ot make cookies or cake and i want something yummy in my mouth right now? someone give me some good dessert recipes. i have to make a treat for our small group on monday night and i want to make something easy and super yummy....ideas anyone?

nothing to say

don't know what to say. i want to go to the movies. i want to see
transformers, pirates 3, knocked up, ratatoille, evan almighty, and those are just the ones that are out right now. but no movies for me.

hhmmm........

i feel like there were things i wanted to blog about but now i'm not sure what any of those things are.
i made a friend this week. she invited me over to her house and kael and her son 'played' together. (they didn't really play. kael scooted around their floor while caleb played near him. :) and we talked easily and this friday we will be going to their house for pizza..:) so that's fun.
this month is going to be busy. july felt like it was so far away and now it is here. time moves so quickly these days sometimes i wonder if i'm going anywhere.
my last post was about creating a space for creativity and i'm just not sure where to do that in my house. and i'm not sure where to start. i feel kind of lost lately in some areas. one area is passion..what am i passionate about and what am i doing anything about? how am i changing or affecting anything? how am i making a difference in anything? what am i leaving behind? feeling kind of 'blah' at the moment. not sure how to get past it.

creative space

So yesterday and today Kael has been pretty whiny and would not go down for his nap.
So i set off with him in his stroller, hoping he would fall asleep as we walked along. So i started walking and i found this trail really close to my house.......i decided to wander along it and see what else i could find. it was such a beautiful trail, lots of nature, trees and little rivers, ponds, bridges and fields. As i was thinking Kael feel asleep ( praise the Lord) and i thought...'wouldn't it be nice if there was benches along here where i coud sit and read ' and i turned teh corner and there was a little picnic area, with picnic tables and it was covered...so i sat there for almost an hour and had peace. Kael slept in his stroller and i read my magazines i brought me and enjoyed the shade, the peace, the quiet and the breeze.
i just got a library card the other day and os i got a bunch of magazines and so i was reading an old Mothering magazine and there was an article about creative space. Where each member of the family mom, dad and child had their own, a desk where they could leave out whatever it was they were working on, art, drawings, writing, clay, etc...and they got rid of their tv because they would just sit there and watch it but without the tv and with their designated creative space they did create so much more and it of course enriched their own lives and their relationships with each other. It's interesting because we just got of rid of our cable because sometimes we are lazy and cannot make ourselves turn off the tv, so we just decided to get rid of our cable and i'd really like to see if there is way we can make 'creative space' for both me and mike.

so those are my thoughts. i think we should all have space to think and create. happy creating.

10 months and eight teeth

Kael, is now 10 months old and he has eight teeth...:) i can't believe how old he is already. the past few days he seems even more interactive with other people....smiling at the store or the library, getting excited to see other babies...he's so loveable. i wish you all could know him right now. i feel sad for him that not many people get to see him grow up. or maybe i feel sad for me that i don't get to show him off to as many people as i'd like since we don't live by all of you.

takes time i guess

so..we got back from boston and i worked a full week, it felt more than normal but it was just three very long days and then i had the weekend completely off. ;my parents came down yesterday and spent the day with us. soo great ot have my parents here. They got to hang out with kael i nour house and watch him crawl around and climb up everything. We also took him swimming at their hotel pool..and that was fun, Kael's first time swimming. he seemed to like it. he didn't hate it. :) he had fun with grandma and grandpa. and so did i.

but today i feel a bit discouraged again by how long it takes to get to know people. I should feel encouraged, me and mike were invited to dinner by another couple in the church, and another lady int e church asked for my phone number so that me and kael coud come over and hang out with her and her two children. so that's good, people are still wanting to get to know us or make the effort i just struggle with not being known. i feel like i'm having an identiy crisis....not really a crisis but i havea lot of questions going on in my own head, things i want to talk about. sorry to keep talking about all fo htis, i feel like that's all i talk about lately, i don't mean to be so negative. it's just one of those days.......

but today kael seems even more like a little boy. today in church he was smiling at everyone and laughing and this afternoon he took a 2 hr nap!! a miracle...so with kael it's a good day.

boston

Our trip to Boston. While there i had no internet access so i'm catching up on everyone's blogs and now i'll have to give the highlights of our trip.

1. Kael, cute as he is. all bundled up here cause it was cold the first few days..Anyways...kael threw up all over mike on the plane. He had eaten a jar and a half of bananas before we flew and then on the plane he had some breastmilk and so it all came out on mike while he was trying to get kael to sleep....it is funny now. i wish we had a picture there was banana/puke all over mike and kael. And of course the one time i didn't pack an entire extra outfit for kael, i forgot pants...so after that he was in a onesie, socks and a sweatshirt..no pants....and mike was soaking wet.

2. the Boston Public Garden, where all the nice scenic pics of our family are taken. I would go there almost every morning. I would grab a coffee from starbucks and go to the park and sit there for at least an hour, until kael would get antsy to keep moving. it was so relaxing, and peaceful for me.

3. i walked all around boston. the downtown is so small that i was able to see all different parts of the city, i sat in parks along the charles river, walked cobblestone streets, the italian section of town with narrow streets, the 'posch' part of the city with studio apartments that rented for $1500. i loved how the city was new, but there was so much history there as well.

4. we went along most of the freedom trail and toured the Massachusetts States House which was amazing.

5. We visited the Cheers Bar. ( which inspired the tv show cheers..) and had such juicy yummy burgers and nice Boston Sam Adams beers and then when we went to pay, the waitress informed us that the guy sitting next to us ( who we found out , his wife is due in a month with their first baby) Paid for our entire dinner.

6. just getting to hang out and be on vacation with my beautiful son and my amazing husband, who by the way, is the best Father. the pic of him and kael is on Father's day. Mike truly is such an amazing dad. He cares and loves Kael soo much, it is inspiring to watch.

in the first pic you can see kaels' little hand, he is in the ergo on mike's back. :)

off to boston

We are leaving early tomorrow morning for a short jaunt to boston. mike is going to attend an ebay conference while me and kael tool around the city of boston and then at the end of the conference me kael and mike will have some time to explore the city together. i'll take pics and let you know how it's going later. i'm excited to be going.

standing and smiling

well this past week kael has learned the art of pulling himself up and standing! yeah!!! so weird to pick him up in his crib when he is standing there. like he's a real little boy. :) and now he's into the kitchen cupboards, pots and pans. we bought him a toy at a garage sale today where he can stand and play with it. he tries to climb up my leg now. it's a fun age. each age seems to get more and more fun. i'm still thinking about the job. partly i may not have a choice cause mike's job is changing a bit, but i may see if i can get more steady hours so we can make a schedule for our family. i think i will talk to my manager about it all.
but back to kael. so much fun. we have to watch him more and make sur he cna't get into anything that could be trouble. :) ooh and i got a good deal on an ergo baby carrier from craigslist so that i can take it to boston with me! yeah!!!!
kael's funny face by the way is his way of smiling.....:)

should i stay at work?

well friends....since i don't have tons of people here to process my decisions with, you are my family and i would like some advice.
Mike and I are talking about whether i should stay at my starbucks job. I know, i know..i just started. i do feel like i would be a quitter and that is hard for me to do..but we are just wanting to assess whether it is working for our family or not, and is it worth it?

Mike is finding it hard to get much work done when he is home with Kael and his job may involve more responsibilities and so it may not even be possible for him to get all the work he needs to get done if i don't come home. My paychecks are not huge but they do help. We could live without the money it is nice but we could make do without.

Kael has become really clingy lately....i am not sure whether it is a stage or because i have gone back to work. So, i'm struggling with that. i feel guilty that i'm gone more than i was before and wonder if it would just be better for little kael if i was home. He has gotten worse at taking his naps and so it is even harder for mike cause Kael hasn't been napping at all. and maybe if i was home and my schedule wasn't so unpredictable we it would help kael if he had a more predictable schedule.
again, i'm not sure if it matters if it's me or mike home with it or if i'm just feeling guilty.

i kind of like having a job. i like getting out of the house and doing something else, but i wouldn't say i love it. I wouldn't say it would be my number one choice. I think if i made some friends....like today when i went to the zoo with katie and Sarah it was nice to get out of the house, do something with girls, talk to other girls and have fun...so if i have more developed friends maybe i wouldn't need that outlet of starbucks at all.
i would like to pursue other things like being a doula, or trying to make more time for creative things and i could maybe put a little time into that if i didn't have a job.....

as i'm writing i'm seeing more positives about coming home but i'm still unsure about making that choice. any thoughts friends?

i'm going to the zoo

so all through the church service i couldn't stop crying....i was trying, but it wasn't working. lack of sleep probably didn't help but also i was also thinking how i just wanted a friend. it's more than that, i was just realizing today how much my life has changed. i was watching this girl who i just met, she has a five month old baby, she is in charge of the kids ministry at the church, has a part time job, and is on the worship team, now she will also be going to a small group with us, and i was jealous. to be able to have your life already together and your kid is 5 months old. i realized that i'm just starting out. since Kael has been born our lives have been completely unstable. i haven't had friends with me to talk to ( of course i have all my friends, but just not here in the same city) i don't have mom's groups to go to...most people have their lives that are going along, they are part of things, either their church, their friends, their life and so then they have a baby and there is adjusting but some things get to stay the same ( in a way) i didn't get that. my life has not stayed the same at all, it has changed a few times since kael has come along. so i have been adjusting, while trying to start a life. it's exhausting..but so ...at the end of church i wanted to talk to this woman i met the other day...she goes to our chruch, and is having a baby any day....and so i ended up talking to her, and another mum friend i met who has a 1 yr old and we are going to go to the zoo together, the three of us on Tuesday( that is if sarah doesn't have her baby) so that will be great. the zoo here is free too. how cool is that?

Also, me and mike are going to be going to small group, for married couples and we're going to go through the book love and respect. So i'm looking forward to my week ahead.
we also had a newcomers lunch today after church, where we and other new people got to know the church staff a bit better. so i'm feeling much more hopeful.

sick

i don't think i haev been sick since i've had kael, (besides some weird stomach problems because of the c-section) but the other night i didn't feel so well and went to bed, got up the next day, didn't feel horrible but didn't feel great, went to work.......and had a headache, was achy and as soon as i got home i felt horrible.....my stomach started hurting alot, got chills and then really hot...was horrible....was throwing up, etc etc....today i haven't thrown up but still feel really achy and have sharp stomach pains......and this morning i was watching a 'baby story' and was thinking....i do not want to have a baby anytime soon..:) just because of the pain....and the morning sickness, i do not miss that.
and i work tomorrow at 5am, so we'll see how that goes....hope i feel all better. :) anyways...that's the post.......not much to say.

some things.......

well here is one pic of our place...our new home..the rest was a mess so you don't get to see it. my mom is coming to spend the night with us on wednesday cause she is flying out of here in thursday am, and i'm soo grateful...i've been lonely and it'll be nice to see her, maybe we can go for a coffee and chat a bit, get all the thoughts in my head out. and she'll get to see kael, i love him so much and just want to show him off, he's crawling more and more and he soo cute. i love being with him. i appreciate my time more now that i'm working part time....
not much else to say.....except still really missing my friends....

girls

the last few days i've been thinking about my need for friends. here we are in a new city, and really i do like it. I think it's great here, i like my new job, i like our place etc....etc..... i just really want a friend. i miss just being able to talk. Mike is a great husband..and he listens to me, and all that, but there is just something different about getting together with a really good girlfriend, over a hot cup of coffee and just talking. maybe about something that is on your mind, maybe just whatever comes to mind. I feel like sometimes when i talk with a friend...more comes out of me than i even realize is in my head. know what i mean? and my head feels full right now and i really would like to talk to someone. get all the stuff in my head out into the open....but for now i guess i'll have to journal, or blog or talk to kael..:) i don't know.... but i do know i miss my friends.

Congrats!!!!

just wanted to say congrats to my friends Audrey and Ralph!!! Audrey is on staff with YWAM Japan and Ralph has been visiting her. During his visit he planned a beautiful proposal!!! Just want you two to know I"m so excited for you and i don't envy the next 7 months you have to spend apart. Hope it goes fast and enjoy the time you have together.

more family pics

bibs and other things

this weekend was so great. to be able to be so close to home...we went up for the weekend. on the first afternoon there, i was getting kael ready so that my mom could feed him. And instead of putting the bib on Kael, i went to put it on my mother, and the only reason i didn't keep it on her was because it didn't fit. :) it was hilarious....i felt like i left my brain in madison because although i did pack lots of diapers for the weekend, i forgot Kael's pj's and my own underwear. but i did have a swimsuit bottom so i had somethign gto wear while washing my only pair i brought with.
kael is crawling. just this week he started. it's so funny to watch him. he pulls himself forward like he is a war victim or something, dragging his feet behind him. So at my parents house he discovered this fun grate that he likes to bang on.....
And andy and his girlfriend home this weekend as well......i think andy had lots of fun with kael as well. my first mother's day i think went really well. :) it was just nice to be with my family and have lots of hands to hold kael.

mother's day is coming....

so...i've worked 4 days now. i'm learning more and more. and i love the free drinks.
So, this weekend we are going 'up north' to Tomahawk. Andy and Jen ( his girlfriend) are going as well so for mother's day , my mom will have all her kids with her. And grandson. I"m really looking forward to it. Relaxing, hanging out with the family, seeing andy hang out with his nephew. I love being with my family. This is partly why we moved home. so i could have these opportunities. all so close, and just decide to be together. i'll have to take some pics of the weekend to share with all of you. hope you all have a wonderful mother's day..especially any new moms...enjoy the day.

bad for diets

it'll probably get old but getting free drinks while you are working is great. it's not so good for my diet i'm suppossed to be on again. my second day was better than my first. i worked at the register today and had some taste testing...:) do miss kael though but it's so nice to know he's with his dad....i don't even think he minds at all. he's got his daddy....he is at such a fun age.....so much personality. pictures to come soon.

first day

well, i had my first day at work. nothing exciting so far, i just read for 4 hrs straight. i did get a free drink. So nothig much to report. it was ok. mostly in my head i was thinking..do i really want to work? i know that i said i did, and everything, but we'll see. tomorrow i work a longer day and i'm not sure how i feel about being away from kael for so long....i guess we'll see how all of this goes. i could love it i could hate it. i dont think i'll hate it.

family

Last night we went to a benefit dinner put on by ywam madison. it was so awesome to be with ywamer's again. to be able to give money to other people not be on the receiving end. The money all went towards scholarships for people to do DTS or the school of the bible here in madison. And we really enjoyed meeting one of the director's and other staff there. for me to it was one of the few social things i got to do last week, so it was just nice to be out to talk to other people. And also so so nice to be with ywamer's.
And today at church we met some other couples, we're invited over for dinner. The pastor remembered us. And we definitely feel like we are in the right place. And i start my job tomorrow. fun huh??

I just wanted to say after my last post i wasn't expecting any responses but i was very encouraged by all the response i did get. The comments and the emails. i felt very listened too...and loved. thanks so much guys. i will keep blogging, little things and what's on my heart.....

i start my job tomorrow so i'll have to let you know how it goes. mike is just hanging pictures right now so after that maybe i'll get some pics taken of the place to show ya'll.

my life

well guys. i'm not sure where i stand on this blogging thing anymore. i used to share what was really going on with me, but for some reason i'm not so sure i want to do that anymore, be so vulnerable. i feel like i could share little things about my life, but it just seems to boring to write in a blog. there hasn't been much blogging lately, partly due to all the moving around, but partly due to the fact that i'm just not sure what to say anymore. i'm not sure who is reading this and i'm not sure exactly what they want to hear from me.
i'll write anyways....

i'm actually amazed at how quickly we seem to be settling here in madison. we don't really know anyone and yet we moved here, but we're pretty sure we have found a church already, the pastor actually came up and introduced himself. (turns out he knows my pastor in tomahawk) i made a friend, another mom, who i think i will call to go for coffee tomorrow, i have a job, (which i am amazed that i got the job at the location i wanted...five minutes from our apartment...and they were hiring, she hired me on the spot....
and we are building our own business and things are going really well so far.

so i have been doing good. but life catches up a bit. i think possibly i am just hormonal and it is near that 'time of the month' so it may be why today i'm feeling a bit unsure of myself. a bit tired. emotionally. i'm pretty sure kael is teething and i just want him to get into a routine, i want him to feel settled. I"m feeling that i have no time for myself. no time to think. and i don't yet have any other moms around here to talk to about it)( i will soon) but i miss my friends...i really miss joanna lately...i would just love to sit with her and cry. that's how i feel at this moment.

when i wake up i may not feel like crying anymore....i will still miss joanna though. but life is moving forward and it is quite positive i'm just having a moment. and i guess even though at the beginning i said i wasn't sure about really sharing myself anymore and i guess i did it again. blogging feels like someone is listening....

finally

ok, here's a recent pic of us together, me with my new hair cut.
i'll take pics of the place once it's a it cleaner. i am really enjoying setting up our home, i'm really happy that i have a job...and i'm loving the age kael is...

we have a home!!!!

well, sorry friends. it's been so long. We are now living in Madison. We moved in on Friday. my dad hauled all our stuff down here in his big Green Semi Truck. He parked out front and while my mom watched the baby, the rest of us (mostly the boys and then on sunday i went into Starbucks, the one five minutes from our new house) and asked if they were hiring, and they were. So I had an interview on Monday and i was hired. So we have a new home, and i have a new job. And it's great. i will send pics soon. i'm feeling a bit sick, soo that's why this is short...but i had to give an update. Love you all and miss you.

moving soon

well peeps..
sorry for the delay in writing. We are leaving Louisiana tomorrow, it's been a great visit. Kael loves his mamma and pappa ( that's grandma and grandpa ) and i'm sure he'll be sad to leave. but did love our trip. and today my mother in law and her new husband paid for me to get a new hair cut and highlights.i'll take pics and send them soon.
And on Friday we are moving to Madison. yeah!!!!! i'll send more updates soon

updates.

I've taken the test..
i am a faithful leader...
interesting test.

well friends..it's been awhile. today kael was adoreable, his aunt lisa gave him a little suit and he was adoreable in it. soo adoreable. he is such a content baby, smiling alot and loves people, he has to look around and see what's going on, where he is and who is around him. loves to be held by anyone and play with his grandparents....
we're having fun in louisiana...and me and mike are getting some rest cause mamma and pappa take him in the mornings ....

ooh and more news. we got a place in madison. we've sent in our deposit and we move in april 19th...i'll send pics when we get settled.

land of dial up

sorry it's been so long, i hope there are still people reading this..so just wanted to let you know that we have been at my parents since we got back to the states and it's the land of dial up so i haven't really been on the computer much. right now we're at linda and ronnie's house in louisiana, ( that's mike's mom and husband) we'll be here for 12 days so i'll hopefully get in a real update soon..
thanks for all the comments on my weight loss...i'll be in touch soon. :)

at least 16 pounds

k peeps..so this whole time that we have been back in scotland, me and mike have been on this special thing called 'body for life' it's a workout/ excercise program and eating diet. it's supposed to help guys get in shape and gain muscle and help girls lose weight and tone muscle. So i'm not sure what my actual body-fat percentage was last time, but i do know that I've managed to lose at least 16 pounds on this diet. I know alot of you haven't seen me in awhile, and you haven't really seen me since right after i had kael. i feel great. i feel much better and more confident. I'll post some pics when i get back to the states and have other clothes beside my maternity clothes i'm still wearing. ( or the clothes i bought while i was larger) I've wanted to lose weight for awhile and i'm so relieved that i actually managed to do it. I've got more weight to lose so i'll still be working on it, but it's such a good start i think. so i'm celebrating. (not by eating tons of food..;)

four days left

ooh well, i didn't realize some of you didn't know we were moving back to wisconsin. We are leaving here on wednesday...yeah!!! and will be staying with my parents until we find our own place. we are planning on living in madison, wi. that is the plan. we don't really know many people there , have never really been there, and so we are just moving forward, the decision makes sense and doesn't make sense all at the same time. We are looking forward to being on our own again, i'm looking forward to cooking in my own kitchen and for kael to have his own bedroom. for us to have our own bedroom. For our little family to relax a bit. so not much to say, but just a little more info on our upcoming move, if you think about it, please pray for smooth travel for kael, ( and us) and also for us to find an awesome place in madison, the right price, and place. and also for kael to adjust well to the time difference. he has been teething all week, so i'm tired, very tired in most every way. but excited about moving into the next season. stayed tuned.......

almost over

It's almost over, Our time here. We had friends come down for teh weekend, Our friends Rodney and Eva and there little girl Abby. Abby is 13 months and so cute. She puts everything in her mouth or licks. This weekend she even licked an air freshner...she didn't like that very much Her and Kael seemed to like each other, they would reach for each other's hands. Although she tried stealing his dummy all the time..:) We had a great time with them, it's nice to have friends, to feel normal for the weekend. relax, laugh, talk. good times. and now it's almost a week til we leave..yeah!!! sooo great! so here are some more pics of kael..

first tooth

kael got his first tooth. no wonder he was screaming in the night.
we went away for the weekend to this Loch and stayed in a Log Cabin. It was gorgeous, so relaxing and restful. And kael slept like a dream. so amazing. i got so much sleep, and felt great. and i didn't have to cook, it really was a vacation. here are some pics of us on our weekend.
kael loves to grab your face. there is he grabbing his grandpa's face.

i'm stealing jamies test.....here's mine

well, i thought it was so much fun taking jamie's test i thought i'd do my own..


www.testriffic.com/friendtest/2514901
i can't get it to go so you can click on it......so you might have to cut and paste..sorry...

self -confidence

So, i've had a recent revelation. it might seem like common sense or maybe you hadn't thought about it at all..but this is my revelation: it takes alot of self-confidence to be a mom.
confidence to raise your kid the way you think is best for your kid. confidence to do the right thing. you know in high school when there's the 'cool' kids, and the jocks, etc...there are different groups, well partly i feel like in motherhood there is that too....there is the 'attachement parenting' group, there is the Baby Wise people, those that immunize , those that don't. etc etc.....and it's a bit like peer pressure, or the thought that maybe i'm doing the wrong thing, should i be doing something else. And maybe other mothers dont actually struggle with this,but i've realized in the past 6 months my own fear of what people think in regards to some things, For example: (living in community...there is a woman who lives right across from us who can hear every cry and wecan hear her cough) and i'm afraid that if kael cries she's going to think i'm a bad parent, stupid, i know. but these thought have crossed my mind. why do i care? i don't know. but i want to not care and i want to do what is right for kael, do my best, and not worry what others think, just know that I love him and I am not a bad parent.
looking back on this time i feel like God is just wanting me to become myself. and to let go of a few things. it's so easy to judge when we are on the outside looking in, or just so easy to idealize certain things, and i've had to let go of some of those things...like making my own baby food, it's something i really wanted to do...but since we have no kitchen it's a bit hard, so i gave in and bought jarred food and kael is fine, and he likes it. Also, i didn't want him to use a dummy, (pacificer, soother, Nuk, etc) but i'm so glad that he does, otherwise he would really like to be nursing all day long....
so i've determined that there is no formula, there is wisdom you can learn from other people, but at the end of the day, you have to be confident in your ability to raise your own kid. Be humble enough to learn from others, and be strong enough to do the right thing. so those are my thoughts for today.